by Ray D. Enzé, NLN baseball blogger

January 15, 2013: San Francisco, California – George Crocker may be many things.  Antagonist to Mark Gunter on their radio show “A Crock of Gunt“.  A man possessed by baseball.  The (fallen) savior of the Bogota Caribs.  An idiot.  But one cannot argue that the man who once had a promising career that was cut short by a blow to the head that fractured his skull is anything but colorful.  One can excuse Crocker’s numerous delusions and quirky behaviors – like believing he can still play the game – but this one takes the cake; no pun intended.

Michael Topham, owner of the Aurora Borealis, held a “welcome back” party of sorts for George Crocker as his Bogota Caribs team arrived in San Francisco to take on the Fog of the World Baseball League.  Crocker, his ditsy self, has perceived this to be a birthday party despite turning 30 last October 15^th.  Nonetheless, the bash, held at one of San Francisco’s top seafood restaurants, Farallon, was well attended and quite the party.  Aside from Crocker and his newest love interest, the mysterious Georgiana, Topham hosted Mark Gunter, Borealis players Mark Richardson, Steve McDonald and Bryant Burris, Bogota’s owner Eustace Maximos, PEBA Commissioner John Rodriguez, Jr., as well as Borealis GM Will Topham.  Florida Featherheads radio team A.K. and Nelly joined yours truly at the party.  Nelly instantly raised eyebrows as he entered the party fashionably late wearing an “Ice Cold Sold Out” t-shirt.  Richardson acted as if he didn’t see Nelly, but his sour, worried look suggested otherwise.

The party was held in Farallon’s private Sevruga Room, a cozy dining experience surrounded by the best wines money can buy.  The food was exquisite as always and was enjoyed by all.  The Commissioner, in honor of the “birthday boy”, dined on the Seared Georges Bank Scallops.  The senior Topham ordered the Cedar Plank Grilled Trout, “The best trout you’ll find anywhere outside of a camp trip in the High Sierra.”  George Crocker looked disappointed when his Pancetta-wrapped Rabbit Loin came to the table, saying, “What’s this little piece of meat?  I ordered lion!  Shouldn’t it be bigger?  Where’s the mane?”  Clearly, he is unclear on the concept of a loin.  A.K. raised his fourth glass of Bray zinfandel and shouted “Baby, baby!” in response to Crocker’s questionable order.

The dinner slowly turned into a roast of George Crocker as many individuals told stories of their experiences with the former PEBA star.  Gunter laughed at his own jokes about Crocker’s insistence that he would ever play ball again, contacting team after team, wearing other team jerseys in a hope it’d make a difference.  “Kojima really nailed George in our interview when his cousin, playing in Niihama-shi, saw a Crocker tryout turn into a complete failure!  Crock’s jaw just hit the floor with this comical look.”  Which Gunter promptly imitated.

McDonald laughed about Crocker’s routine during the well-publicized “Topham-Rodriguez Connect-Four” match, bouncing about the room, mocking the looniest moments from last Opening Day.  Will Topham looked up from his Blue Nose Bass and chimed in, “Thanks, George.  I’d have won anyway, but your frustrating Chris was priceless.  I was just busting up inside.  When you called him ‘pickle face’, it took every ounce of strength not to totally crack up.”  “Baby, baby, baby!” shouted a clearly toasted A.K., struggling to finish his Caribbean White Shrimp Parfait.  A.K., when sober, has been very critical of Chris Rodriguez’s decision to give up his team in that manner.

Crocker’s Bogota experiment, if I may refer to it as such, has been a mixed bag.  The Caribs have moved up in the standings since George’s arrival, but how much of that has been due to Crocker’s baseball prowess and how much is due to the failures of the Montreal Royals club in front of them in the standings is to be seen.  After a rough 1-15 start with 10 K, Crocker seemed to find his stroke after the Christmas holiday break to go 12-26 with three 2B, two HR and 12 RBI.  Over the past seven starts, he’s 2-25 with 11 K, giving him a .227 average going into this afternoon’s 9-7 Bogota victory in which Crocker was 2-5 with a run scored.  Whether he’s hit or not – whether they’ve won or not – Crocker has clearly had fun with the travel, parties and life in Bogota, according to his Facebook postings.

Eustace Maximos, Bogota’s owner, dined only on Steamed Prince Edward Island Mussels and Sweet Corn Bisque and was typically tight-lipped, saying little during the evening despite Michael Topham’s attempts to talk business with him.  One might suspect that the signing of Crocker was more a PR move, as Maximos has had Crocker “appearancing” at parties throughout the South American region with other WBL bigwigs and regional socialites.  Maximos’s fortune has come under question for years, as many believe he is invested in the Columbian drug trade.

Crocker addressed the crowd in his typical irreverent manner.  “Folks, I gotta tell you; I, George Crocker, feels, like, really honored to have all you dudes here to celebrate my birthday,” at which point Mark Gunter blurted out, “Your birthday was in October, George.  Don’t you recall?  That was the day Suárez blew Game 3 in Tempe.”

Crocker, who rarely misses a beat, replied, “Come on, Marky-Mark.  You know the Borealis would never lose on my birthday.  I had it changed to today.  No game today, right boss?” he said as he glanced over at the Borealis owner.  “Look at today; Caribs win!  Thanks to me, George Crocker.  Right, boss squared?”  He directed his attention to the Bogota owner, who simply snorted.

Looking over at A.K. and Nelly, Crocker said, “You guys are great.  I love that shirt, Nelly.  Just crazy-good stuff!  And A.K… baby!” he crowed as he raised his glass.  A.K. tried to raise his glass in response, but instead spilled most of it all over Georgiana, who gave him quite the dirty look.  At least it looked like an accident.

Crocker gazed across the room, “We’ve got old ‘goat face’ over there.  I tell ya, when ‘Ice Cold’ gets rollin’, no one is better.  Where’s your date, Richy?  Couldn’t get her a day pass?  Hey Nelly, can we get Richy one of those shirts?”  Mark Richardson looked stonily at Crocker.

“Either way you may slice it up and chop it down, this has been a blast of a party.  That’s, like, thanks ten times ten, Mikey, for the great party.  I look forward to getting back to Aurora, Mark-o; we’re gonna have fun!”

The party slowly came to an end after a desert round of Bittersweet Chocolate Malt Cake, Banoffee Sundae and Concord Grape Pie.  As the Borealis players left, followed by a slurring, stumbling A.K. – held up by Nelly – George Crocker, Georgiana, Maximos and the senior Topham lingered for a while, sipping cognac.  When the party finally broke up, Maximos and Crocker were seen having an intense looking conversation inside the restaurant doors as Georgiana awaited a cab.  The Borealis may have a month before spring training begins, but George Crocker has a game tomorrow.