A Crock of Gunt: That Montserrat Mystique

850 KOA Radio

November 29, 2029: Little Bay, Montserrat – Aurora broadcasters Mark Gunter and George Crocker sit down with Aurora’s GM Will Topham and other members of the Borealis Organization on the small Caribbean Isle of Montserrat to discuss PEBA’s latest venture – the Intercontinental Baseball Coalition.

 

Gunter: Welcome everyone to a special edition of A Crock of Gunt: Caribbean-style! We are here at Little Bay on the island of Montserrat for a special announcement! With me is Aurora GM, Will Topham…

Topham: Good to see you again Mark. Gorgeous day, huh?

Gunter: Indeed it is. We are supposed to be joined by my partner, George Crocker – but I am unsure exactly where George is, he did not meet us for our flight out of Miami. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

Topham: With Georgie, one can never be sure – but I lean towards a good thing.

Gunter: Agreed. Although, I have to say…

Topham: … George makes those long flights far more interesting, right?

Gunter: You took the words right out of my mouth. So Will, I understand that you have a big announcement today, regarding the Commissioner’s recent announcement about the PEBA’s new Rookie League – the Intercontinental Baseball Coalition?

Topham: Yes! When Harry (‘Harry’ Castle, PEBA Commissioner and cousin of the Aurora GM) recently made the announcement about the IBC, we had yet to finalize a locale for our franchise. We were certain that we were not going to place our team in Korea, but what it really boiled down to was proximity – being in the Caribbean was inherently easier for the Organization to manage.

Gunter: I can imagine. You have close ties with the League Offices, why do you think the League went with the unique Intercontinental plan?

Topham: My understanding of the conversations was there had been no consensus on a regional location – and there was high interest in all four of those spots the League has chosen. The arrangement – playing only within your division, was a novel concept, and certainly significant financial considerations.

Gunter: What do you think about that facet of IBC play?

Topham: Well… I certainly feel like there is the risk of some divisions being highly competitive, while others not so – and how will that effect the success and development of our players? Obviously, only time will tell.

Gunter: But you must like the age distribution – a U20 set up?

Topham: I do. There have been many GMs begging for a league like this, stating that our youngest draftees and international finds were struggling to succeed against the college grad and post-college grad set. We have been noticing this more and more over the past few seasons, and David Simmons, our top pick this year, struggled – STRUGGLED at Mokule’ia. We hope he will have more success next year – here!

Gunter: Which brings us to your announcement – and why we are here.

Topham: Yes! It was no secret that we were going to have our Rookie franchise in the Caribbean, and we had considered a number of options, but we’ve settled on…

Brrrrrrrriiiiinnnnnggg…. Brrrrrrrriiiiinnnnnggg…. Brrrrrrrriiiiinnnnnggg….

(Mark Gunter and Will Topham look at each other as Gunter picks up his phone)

Gunter: Hello?

Crocker: Montserrat!! I’ve finally arrived in Montserrat Markie-Mark!! I’m feelin’ that Mont… serrat… mystique…

 

Gunter: George? Where are you?

Crocker: Montserrat!! Isn’t that where we were going to meet? I’m here – but where are you? You said this was a tropical spot, but I’m way up in the mountains and everyone is speaking Spanish. You assured me, George Crocker, that they spoke English in Montserrat!

Topham: Will Topham here, George. You say they are speaking Span…

 

Crocker: BOY WONDER!! What’s crack-a-lackin’ my bro-dude? Spanish indeed, or something that resembles that, but not that Spanglish thing, comprende? At least down the hill from here. Up here, on this hill, everyone is wearing black and saying nothing…

Gunter: Oh, boy…

Crocker: Nada…

Gunter: George, where…

Crocker: Zippo…

Gunter: George… Where did your plane take you?

Topham: I have a bad feeling about this…

Crocker: Where did I land…? I left Miami and landed in… Barthelona… That’s it – the stewardess called in Barthelona when we landed – but I really couldn’t understand the rest of what she said… But my Uber driver knew right where to take me when I said Montserrat! He said ‘Montserrat, mucho dinero’ and I said, ‘Oui!’ – making sure I flashed my Spanish!!

(Gunter shakes his head in disbelief… Topham trying hard to contain hysterics)

Gunter: I see… Well, George, Will and I are on the island of Montserrat, in the Caribbean. We are not in Spain…

Crocker: Well you should be in Spain – the view from here is amazing! And these mountains – jagged, saw-toothed… I’m going to use a big word, guys – SAT word, I’m sure it’s a new one, maybe I’m inventing it – they are… serrated… Get it? Serrated mountain? Got it Mark-aroo? Mount Serrat??

Topham: That’s rocket science, George, truly. That must make you a rocket surgeon.

Crocker: You got it, BW – you are Right On It, Brother! So tell me – with you guys in the wrong location, what am I supposed to see, find, hear here?

Gunter: (whispers) Sheesh… George, Will was just telling me and our listeners…

Crocker: WHAT?? You’re on the radio already? Without me, George Crocker?? Where’s my mic? You guys didn’t set one up for me? Do I have to go into this huge building over there (throws a thumb up, over his shoulder, and behind him to point) to find the studio? Because these guys in black ain’t very helpful. They all seem to have the same name – I’m told they are Bennie Dick Teen – but they sure look older than a teen – like way older!! Older than you, Mark-o-meter!

Topham: It sounds like George has found himself at Santa Maria de Montserrat, the Benedictine monastery – I remember it from a family trip years ago. That explains a lot… But, Hey! George! What I was about to tell Mark is we will set the island of Montserrat as home for our new Rookie League team.

Crocker: Man… I don’t know, Willie T, they don’t seem to know what baseball is here. I’ve asked – and I get blank stares. I try to pantomime hitting a baseball and they all walk away fast-like. Maybe you should look into someplace else – someplace they know baseball. You know – I know people who know people in Bogota – they like baseball down there – I should know!

Gunter: Tell me, Will, why Montserrat? What with all the great tourist locations in the Caribbean?

Topham: Well, it was an Organizational decision – and that includes the folks over at Golden Entertainment. With the rash of hurricanes over the last 10 years, we wanted to get into a community that was suppressed and give – to give beyond just baseball. Not only will we be building a new baseball facility here in Little Bay, we will help with the expansion process, as the nation of Montserrat continues to rebuild and create a new capital.

Crocker: Why the doom and gloom Boy Wonder? You act like there was a volcano or hurricane or earthquake or somethin’. It all looks great here – great town, great food – or so I’m told…

Topham: Again, George, island, not monks. And yes, there was a volcano on Montserrat, that devastated like half the island in 1995 – the Soufrière Hills Volcano, to be precise. It turned the capital of Plymouth into Pompeii. Then there were the hurricanes. That is why the people of Montserrat are building a new capital. The bottom half of this island is still primarily off limits – the Exclusion Zone – including Plymouth.

Gunter: What was it about Montserrat that drew your attention?

Topham: Well, Golden sees an opportunity to expand their entertainment holdings, and venture into a new field – music. What has been mostly lost to history was that George Martin – the old Beatles producer, opened a recording studio on Montserrat – just over there beyond that ridge (Will Topham points towards the south-east). During the ‘80’s everyone who was anyone recorded there – The Police, Jimmy Buffet, Elton John…

Crocker: Elton John!?!?! Goodbye yellow brick road, though I didn’t, know you at all…

Gunter: That’s… wonderful George…

Topham: Yeah… McCartney, Dire Straits… Then Hurricane Hugo in ’89 came along and wiped it out. The volcano… the hurricane… they wiped out the islands economy. As part of baseball and rebirth, we want to bring the recording industry back to Montserrat and the money and the jobs that come with it!

Crocker: Music? There ain’t no music in Montserrat – just bells. Blasted bells… Dong, Dong, Ding, Dong… I asked one of these dudes in black about the Rolling Stones and he picked up a rock and threw it at me… I think he was more an AC/DC fan.

Gunter: Cool… (turns to Will) So that all sounds like exciting stuff – Baseball and Business combining to energize a whole island and revitalize it’s people. Tell us Will, what will we call this team?

Crocker: “Mar-tinique, that Montserrat mystique…” Come on Mark-o Po-lo, isn’t it obvious from what Big Willie just told us!

Topham: Uh… Well… George is right for a change. The old Beach Boys song – which came out right before the hurricane, Kokomo, that was our inspiration. Aurora’s Rookie League team will be the Montserrat Mystique.

Gunter: And the Paradise League comes to life in a song. Aruba, Jamaica, oh I want to take ya… But, what in the world is a Mystique?

Crocker: C’mon Money, Mystique? Mystic? Gotta be a witch doctor or somethin’ – you know, like that ‘lime in the cola nut and drink it all up’ guy? Just the sort of thing that won’t fly here in Montserrat. I suggest something more relevant to the people here – how about ‘Padre’ or ‘Mountain Goat’? That’s more in keeping with the people’s culture here.

Gunter: sigh…

Topham: Actually, we are using the octopus to represent Mystique…

Crocker: El pulpo? They love that stuff here – terrific, even I, George Crocker, find that awfully tasty!! I asked one of those dudes in black where they got the octopus and he just spread his arms wide, like he was pointing to his gardens – can you imagine that? They get octopus from a garden? An octopus garden? I asked exactly that and he shook his head and walked away – they sure are rude here – are you sure W you want to put your team here?

Topham: Yes, George, we are sure. I’m confident you’ll love it once you get here during spring training. This will be a fine location – and we plan on making it the best in all of the IBC.

Gunter: Why an octopus?

Topham: I have to tell you Mark, it’s mostly personal, though any aquatic life works as a mascot for an island team. But it’s been… what? Eight years, since Dad died? He studied biology before working for the family business, and taking over at Golden. He loved octopi, and he had plenty a figurine. This is to honor what he did for the Aurora organization. To top it off, there aren’t many creatures in the sea with as much mystique as that of the octopus!

Crocker: Or the Catalans! That’s an excellent name! Sure, they have one of those in the WBA – I never got a chance to play here in… in Barthelona, Bogota never left the Americas, but we could have the Montserrat Catalans – very culturally sensitive and attentive and inventive and all those other ‘tives! You’ll see. Hey – Chillie Willie, do you have a site picked out over here? I think I have the perfect spot for you. It’s next to the monastery – a captive audience – sell outs every night – they are a quiet bunch, but you can get one of those big screens that can implore the fans to make noise, with signs like ‘Make Noise’, that’ll get them excited. Then you can…

Gunter: Thanks George, for your… contributions… today, we missed you – NOT – and thanks Will Topham for sharing with us the great news about the Montserrat Mystique. I can see many a winter trip here for broadcasters, fans, and players alike. This is exciting news!

Topham: Thanks Mark! We, too, are excited to get started.

Crocker: … then you can use those thunder-clapper things – man that would ring in these mountains, it’d be the loudest venue in all the PEBAverse!