by Roberta Umor, Yuma Sun

13 April 2020—Yuma, AZ:  Police Chief John Lekan had his entire squad on alert, in riot gear, hidden in busses strategically placed throughout the downtown area. Businesses closed early. Residents were advised to stay away from the downtown area. Riots were expected.

The 2020 PEBA season began with the former basement-dwelling Yuma Bulldozers winning six straight games. Everyone knew it couldn’t last. Everyone knew there’d be repercussions. Everyone expected young fans to pour into the streets the moment the Dozers finally lost. So Chief Lakan rounded up his men and women, equipped them with the latest riot shields and gas masks, and put them into position. The Dozers were playing in Crystal Lake against the Sand Gnats, a team they hadn’t been very successful against in previous years.

Yuma braced for the inevitable. Every team loses its first game some day. The only question in Chief Lakan’s mind was what day. “Monday would be the best day to lose,” the Chief explained to the press, “because the kids are tired after a weekend of partying. Friday would be the worst. Anything in between is a crapshoot.”

When asked if he was pulling against the Dozers, the Chief quickly said, “I’m as much a fan of the team as anyone. Got my family season tickets. But …” and with that the Chief took a deep breath, “everyone loses sooner or later, and for the safety of the town, it would be better if the Dozers lost sooner.”

There was an audible gasp in the room of reporters, then a mad grab for cell phones and a mass sprint to the doors as reporters began filing their stories. Every one would begin with the Chief’s ill-chosen words.

Every one except this one.