Monday, March 28, 2011
John Shea, Sports Editor, San Francisco Chronicle

Under a bright early spring sun, a large crowd convened on downtown San Francisco this afternoon for a press conference held at Union Square.  In attendance were Mayor ”Chicken” John, Golden Entertainment CEO Michael Topham, CFO Edward Castle, COO Christian Topham, publicist Duane Castle, Topham’s son William, Aurora Borealis VP of Baseball Operations Chris Rodriguez and Vice President of Business Ulderico Alfero.  Val Diamond of Beach Blanket Babylon entertained the crowd as it waited for the 12 PM start time.  As the chimes of the Ferry Building’s clock wafted through the air, the mayor rose and approached the podium.

“Dudes and Dudettes,” the mayor began in his customary manner, “I greet you with a pleasure that, like, extends beyond the walls of this great square, like, where tourists of all ages have stood and gazed at Macy’s windows and, you know, dreamed of pants.  I mean, as I sat here and awaited my turn to speak, a homeless man came up to me and said, ‘Dude, like, is it true?’ and I told him, ‘Frickin’-A it’s true, dude!’ and, like, he said, ‘Wow!  They’re really coming to Frisco?’ and I said, ‘Sure as hell are, dude,’ and he said ‘Righteous, dude.  I love the Dead.’  I leaned over and gave this man a high five, ya know what I mean?”

Somewhere behind the mayor there was a quite audible cough, and Chicken John turned his head to see a stern, glaring Chris Rodriguez staring at him.  “Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Hernández, sir.”  Turning back to the crowd, Chicken John continued.  “Hey folks, so we’re here for a, like, gigantic announcement, one that blows my socks up into my undies.  Actually, my boxers.  I mean the Joe Boxer kind you find on that gay dude on the MUNI bus stop ads these days.  I love those ads.  Makes me so proud to be a San Franciscan.  I remember the other day, I was, like, pop-a-loppin’ on through the Castro…”  Once again, an audible cough from behind the mayor caught his attention.  He turned and was faced with an extremely angry-looking Chris Rodriguez.  Chicken John stuck his tongue out at the Borealis VP, turned back to the crowd and continued, “Anyways, I’m here to share great news about what’s coming to San Francisco.  Let me introduce to you ‘The Act You’ve Known For All These Years’: Mikey Topham of Golden Enterprises.”

Topham rose and approached, hands held tightly behind his back, his customary Giants cap firmly upon his head.  He stood before the podium, ignoring the ignoramus The City elected and scanning the crowd as they politely applauded.  Topham’s philanthropy to The City, as well as that of his family throughout San Francisco’s colored past, was well documented.  Then, with one hand he reached up and slowly removed his Giants cap, placed it on the podium, and with the other, pulled out from behind his back another cap and placed it on his head.  The crowd became uproarious.  “Ladies and Gentlemen, mayor…” a loud smirk burst out behind him, and through the corner of his eye, the broad smile on his face never breaking, Topham could see Chris Rodriguez glaring at Mayor Chicken John as he was obliviously texting, head buried in his iPhone.  “…Mr. Rodriguez and the rest of the Golden Family.  It is with the greatest of pleasure that I announce that Golden Entertainment…” another sideways glace at the Mayor who, seemingly, was playing Pac-Man on his phone, “…has purchased from the Estate of the late John Rodriguez, Sr., Founder and Commissioner of the PEBA and owner of the Aurora Borealis, a majority stake in the Aurora Baseball franchise.”  Once more the crowd applauded loudly.  “I wear the Borealis blue today as a sign that we intend to maintain the great tradition that the Rodriguez family began in Aurora.  I am proud to bring baseball back to San Francisco.  Although the Borealis will stay in Aurora, our fine City by the Golden Gate will be its adopted home.  Golden Entertainment will remain in San Francisco.  Aurora will be yet another slice of our business pie and, like all other aspects of the entertainment industry, we look to nurture that slice, grow that slice, and make it as viable and as nationally renowned as any other entity in our portfolio.”

When the applause waned, Topham looked up at the statue atop the column that is central to Union Square.  “Family has always been foremost in the Golden hierarchy.  From day one it has been Tophams and Castles that have grown this ‘mom and pop’ business into the giant we are today.”  Again he gazed up at the statue.  “My great-grandmother posed for that statue that we see above the Admiral Dewey monument, and it is with that sense of family that I am here today to clarify the administration that will take Aurora forward and maintain the winning tradition.”  Topham put his hands out, and with that the collection of men, and one teenage boy, came forward and lined up beside him.  “I’d like to welcome Chris Rodriguez to San Francisco and to the Golden Family.  Chris still maintains an interest in the team and will continue in his capacity as VP of Baseball Operations.  I look forward to working with Chris and getting to know the ins and outs of the PEBA.”  The crowd offered a very polite but subdued applause.  [ed. note: In anticipation of today’s event, TV news stations had been running numerous stories about Aurora and their history, none of which cast a positive light on Chris Rodriguez.  Public opinion has been colored by an insider account of Chris’s tantrum upon learning Michael Topham was taking over the team.] “Likewise, Ulderico Alfero will continue in his capacity of VP of Business.  Ulderico will work under the wings of my cousin Edward and the financial offices of Golden.  Both Chris and Ulderico will maintain their offices at Northern Lights Park and oversee operations in Colorado.  I will take on the title of President and CEO of the Borealis, and as such I will begin to slowly – and those of you over at Wall Street, I do mean slowly – transfer the control of Golden over to my cousin Christian, the COO of Golden.  I do not see that transfer being complete for at least another 5 years, but my dream has always been to run a baseball club and now that dream has become a reality.”

The new Aurora boss cleared his throat and looked down at his shoes for a moment.  “Lastly I’d like to introduce you to the new General Manager of your Aurora Borealis,” (emphasizing your as he scanned the crowd and gestured out towards them), “and I know I’m going to be questioned about this one, second guessed, criticized and even called stupid by the press.  But I began working at Golden as a young man, given a chance to prove my worth.  It’s been the Golden way.  It shall remain the Golden way, and it shall become the Aurora way too.  I asked my son whom we should hire as GM.  He’s a smart kid.  Gets good grades in school.  Knows his baseball.  Let me tell you, he knows his baseball.  He’s a huge Octávio Pexego fan.  When he broke in with Gloucester in the PEBA’s first season, he told me, ‘He’s going to be a stud,’ and I laughed, ‘Are you kidding?  He’s a goat sucker.  He really sucks.’  Well, I guess we all know who was right there.  He told me, ‘I can do that job, Dad.’  I stared in disbelief.”  Golden’s CEO glanced to the right where his beaming son, who now had put on his own Borealis cap, removed his sports coat to display an Aurora jersey, flipping a baseball from hand to hand.  “He said, ‘I can do it.  Trust me.’” A stunned silence fell upon the crowd as the realization of what Michael Topham was saying began to set in.  Topham, known for shrewd business deals and shrewd public deals that have netted San Francisco many wonderful gifts, was about to…  “So I said, ‘Fine.’  And with that I present to you the new GM of the Aurora Borealis, William Topham.”  Will, as he prefers to be called, stepped forward and tipped his cap to the puzzled crowd.

“Finally,” he continued, “a couple of brief announcements.  In honor of the death of John Rodriguez, the Borealis are releasing an updated logo in honor of the departed team and league patriarch.”  With that, Topham stepped forward and removed the black-colored board that lay flat against the front of the podium to display the updated logo.  “Aurora will wear this same logo on their uniforms for the 2011 season, and we shall have the field renamed ‘John Rodriguez Field at Northern Lights Park’.”  The crowd cheered as Chris Rodriguez’s jaw dropped.  “Finally, all members of the Borealis will wear commemorative jerseys during the opening series against the Bakersfield Bears, sporting the name ‘Rodriguez’ on the back.”  Topham reached into the podium and pulled out a Borealis jersey, “and the number 4, representing the four years John ran the team and league.”  Topham turned towards his son and could be overheard saying, “God, I can’t get used to that.  When I grew up, Bakersfield was the Dodgers class-A team.”

With that, the new Aurora boss waved to the crowd, turned and, with his son, walked away as a cavalcade of balloons was released.  As the two walked off the stage and set off to lunch (word was they were seen having a couple of burgers and a shake at Johnny Rockets on Fillmore Street), they were followed closely by Ulderico Alfero and Chris Rodriguez, both of whom were engaged in a deep conversation in whispered tones.  Rodriguez was glaring at the Tophams after they shook hands and said their goodbyes.  Will Topham was busy catching over-the-shoulder lobs from his father as they walked to the end of the square while Chris Rodriguez turned back towards the stage and hollered back at Mayor “Chicken” John, “It’s Rodriguez, you dumb ass, not Hernández!”  And with that he, too, was gone.