Experts Doubt Whether Naha Can Support a 45,000 Seat Stadium
Wednesday, March 22, 2017

English transcript from the premiere episode of Shisa Shin!, a roundtable sports show hosted by lovely eighteen-year-old Naha Shisa super-fan Shin Suitougakari, former host of the popular children’s show Shin!

Soutougakari: Good afternoon, Naha Shisa fans!  I am most honored to be chosen to present to you a most prestigious panel of luminaries to discuss all things Shisa. Now let me intro…

Kijuro Yoshida: Wow, Shin, you have grown into one hot-looking woman!

Jim Bouton: You better watch out, Kijuro – rumor has it that she is romantically involved with one Kimi Fujita!

Koukyo Juuinin: Well, we all know who wears the pants in that relationship!  I mean, haven’t you noticed that Shin has a male name and Kimi has a female name?

Soutougakari: Well, it’s no secret that I’m a tomboy.  I am the starting centerfielder of my highschool baseball team, after all.  Anyway, I would like to introduce you all.  On my left is the honorable Kijuro Yoshida, longtime manager of the Shisa.  On his left is our favorite curmudgeon, Koukyo Juunin, freelance sports writer.  On my right is Shisa correspondent Jim Bouton, author of Ball Four…

Juuinin: Yeah, some correspondent you turned out to be!  How long has it been since you penned an article, Bouton?  Almost four years ago?  Yet I don’t notice any holes in your shoes.  Could this have anything to do with the fact that you are one of the few human beings that have actually seen that abomination that owns the Shisa in person?

Bouton: I think I’d rather not comment about that…

Juunin: Of course you wouldn’t.  How much are the Shisa paying you to keep your trap shut?  That’s a pretty cozy retirement package…

Soutougakari: Mr. Juunin, you promised to behave yourself.  Why do I keep giving you more chances?

Juunin: Because you just love it when I stir up the pot, Ms. Soutougakari. Admit it!

Soutougakari: I will admit to no such thing.  Now let’s try to restore some semblance of order to this talk show.  Our final guest to Mr. Bouton’s right is Shisa Scouting Director Daisuke Wakabayashi.  Now I wish to present the first topic of discussion: The nearly completed expansion of Shisa Stadium, which will now accommodate 45,000 fans.

Juunin: Yes, speaking of abominations.

Bouton: I hate to agree with Juunin, but management’s decision to block the lovely view of the ocean with a bleacher upper deck was most inadvisable.

Juunin: Not to mention shortsighted.  Does Naha management really think they are going to fill up a stadium this size with such a small population base?  Not to mention that this team cannot win a playoff game to save its life.  The fans are embarrassed to root for a team of weak-kneed choke artists.  And what have they done to improve themselves over the off-season?  They’ve acquired a rag-armed southpaw who will probably set new LRS gopher-ball records.

Bouton: You hardly have any credibility in making predictions, Juunin.  Didn’t you go on record writing that Naha wouldn’t make the playoffs in 2016?  How did that turn out for you?  And speakng of Kimi, you’ve been extremely critical of his intersexuality.  Incidentally, Juunin, I cant ever recall seeing you with a woman on your arm… ever.  Makes a man think…

Juunin: (stands up abruptly, knocking his chair over, his face beet red) Watch your mouth, round eyes!

Yoshida: (calmly munching on a carrot) You better watch out, Juunin. A man your age should keep hold of your temper.  You’ll surely blow a gasket.  I for one am quite happy with the stadium expansion.  Shisa fans come out to the park to see winning baseball, not lovely scenery, and higher attendance means a likely budget increase.  That means we will be able to keep more of our talent once they become arbitration eligible.

Suitougakari: I agree: winning over ocean view!  Now, the Shisa have pretty much stood pat during the off-season.  Their sole transaction has been to acquire the aforementioned junk-balling left-handed pitcher Manabu Taniguchi.  Since he was a Type A free agent, the team will lose its first round draft pick.  Isn’t that a lot to sacrifice for a pitcher who appears to be a back end starter, Daisuke?

Wakabayashi: I must humbly disagree with your assessment of this pitcher, Ms. Suitougakari.  Mr. Taniguchi hasn’t missed a start in over eight years and, despite having been in the league for ten years, he’s still only 29.  He has been a little off his game the last two years; I attribute that to his losing a little bit of movement on his pitches.  Our new pitching coach, Randy Reid, is a genius.  He has some ideas on how to help this future Hall of Famer to regain the form that helped him win 16 games back in 2013.  If he does that, he will help us win the Cup. That is well worth sacrificing a first round draft pick… I guess…

Yoshida: There, there, Daisuke – I know you hate losing draft picks, but this is what is best for the team.

Suitougakari: Mr. Yoshida, top-notch closer prospect Shohei Sanu has been quoted as saying that he’s very upset about not being invited to spring training this year.  Could you tell us why he was left off the 35-man roster?

Yoshida: Shohei is very talented and on the verge of being ready for the majors.  However, last year, he gave up 58 hits in 48.2 innings in AAA.  This indicates that he needs further seasoning.  If he shows well, he could get called up during the upcoming season, as we are in dire need of another lefty in the bullpen.

Bouton: And of course, this has nothing to do with being able to squeeze an extra minimum wage year out of the LRS’s already horrendous six-year player enslavement “agreement.”

Yoshida: Quite right!

Bouton: This organization is famous for its mid-season call-ups.  Fees can spout all he wants about looking for high-character in his players, but perhaps a little mirror-gazing might be in order.

Suitougakari: Mr. Yoshida, are there any changes in the upcoming season that you wish to comment on?

Yoshida: Why, yes.  We are going to go with an extra position player this year and start the season with an 11-man pitching staff.  We will also platoon Carlos Rodríguez with Mitsunari Morita at second base and “Ticky-Tacky” with Toshikuni Akiyama in left field.  Maybe if we platoon Yano, he can finally stay healthy all season.  Mainly, I like giving every player on our roster a good deal of playing time.

Bouton: I’m thinking the exception to this all-inclusive philosophy will be Hogai Kito.  Hogai had the audacity to refuse to play in the minors.  Fees would just love to release him, but since the organization owes him another seven million dollars in guaranteed salary, he can’t let him go without losing his ability to sign free agents during the season.  Couldn’t happen to a nicer skinflint.

Juunin: You know, Bouton, I may have misjudged you.  How about we grab some sushi sometime…