By Saruwatari Tsuyoshi, Kyoto Shimbun News

July 31, 2013: Kyoto, Japan – Every day in Kyoto, with helicopters flew over Koshien Stadium, the team medical staff would be seen running out on the field bearing stretchers.  At least so it seemed.  Fed up with the constant rash of injuries to his beloved Battousai, team owner Patrick Hildreth went out to investigate.

Holy Clara Barton, Batman!  It looked bad.  Team energizer Bing-zhang Chien was down and out with a fractured ankle.  There’s an active wager about town as to whether or not he’ll play again this year.  Frankly, your money would be better spent buying mystery meat on a stick from a street vendor.

Mystery meat is the perfect segue to our next injury concern.  RF Shimpei Adachi can’t seem to shake an oblique strain.  His hammer of a bat is out for another two weeks minimum.

We had the scare of our lives when we lost both Nakamuras in back-to-back weeks.  Luckily, they recovered quickly.

Here is a list of players who’ve missed five days or more at various points in the season (Opening Day starters are denoted with asterisks): C Tanyu Chikafuji, C Kenko Nakamura*, C Masutaro Yoshikawa, 1B Bing-zhang Chien*, 2B Hank Bailey*, SS Jun Ohashi, 3B Takeshi Hayashi*, 3B Hirohisa Miyamoto, LF Morihiro Nakamura*, CF Ben Bigalow*, RF Shimpei Adachi*, RF Kansuke Murata, RF Tsuyoshi Inoue

Heck, you could put that team on the field in the LRS and do pretty well.  The roster has been in near constant turmoil since this mess began.  At one point, rumor has it the team even submitted a roster with five gaijin (non-Japanese born players, of which only four are allowed) which was rejected by the league, and the team fined.

“It’s a miracle that we’ve been able to remain competitive,” sighed General Manager Shigeo Nagashima.  “We sure could use a break.”  He winced as the word escaped his mouth, punctuated by the groans of Kenko Nakamura, who’s been catching without relief this past week while the backups try to get back on the field.

Said Hildreth in a conspiratorial tone, “We’re going to get the bottom of this.  I’ve been hearing rumors that three guys came around last spring selling some sort of medicinal supplement.  Called it ‘Brighto’, I was told.  They had some sort of jingle, ‘Brighto, Brighto makes old bodies new – we’ll sell a million bottles, woo woo woo woo!’ Why, if I ever get my hands on those wise guys…” He sank into his chair mumbling as we left the room.