THE SUN ALSO RISES…

2/27/2009: Tokyo, Japan – These have been dark days for the Neo-Tokyo Akira, but if there is one fundamental truth here in the Far East it’s this: There is always hope in the Land of the Rising Sun.  That’s what new owner R.E. Hissock brings after acquiring the franchise earlier this week: The dawn of a new day.

When asked what his first priority was, he quipped, “Find out what Akira is.”  He better find out fast.  Attendance at Neo-Tokyo Grounds dropped dramatically last season and the roster is in turmoil only weeks before Spring Training begins.  Priorities include improving the anemic offense, which had as much clout as a bowl of day old sushi.  “We need Kobe steak – not lame duck.”  the new owner opined.

What drew R.E. to acquire a team so far from his origins? 

“The success of players from the Orient in the U.S. shows their skill and passion for baseball, which has gone from America’s pastime to a truly global pastime.  It won’t be long before there will be a true ‘World’ Series.  The rest of the world has caught up with the Americans.  Besides, I love Chinese takeout.  Of course, here it’s just takeout.” 

Sorry, Mr.  Hissock – wrong country.

“I want to really get to know the culture here.  It’s my home away from home now.”  His impressions so far?   “Well, I’m not taking the subway anymore.”  What about the Japanese love for sushi?  “Hey, I’ll try anything once… unless it’s not cooked.”

Local reporters seemed both amused and offended by the new arrival to their city.  “I hope he knows what he’s getting into,” one was overheard warning.

The new owner’s credentials appear vague.  He has never owned a franchise before.  “I’ve been a fan since I was 5.  I’ll bring a fan’s perspective to this team,” was all Ron offered in defense.  Yeah?  So would every other fan.  How did he make his millions?  That is even more unclear.  Rumors of involvement with Maddoff are unconfirmed.  “I dated his daughter once or twice.  I barely know the man.”  The timing of his departure from America as the scandal unfolds is suspicious to many, though.  When pressed, Hissock claimed, “I made my fortune in dry cleaning, 99 cents at a time.  I’m no stuffed shirt,” he said stanchly.

He tried redirecting the questions to the future of the team.  “We’re not interested in winning a championship and then selling off the assets.  We’re gonna do it the right way here, from the bottom up.  Build up the farm system; invest in young talent that can keep us competitive for years.  We want a dynasty.”  Heady dreams from a team that finished with the worst record in the LRS last year.

“We have to focus on our young talent.  They will be the future of this franchise.”  He warned that it will take time.  “Like the sunrise, it’ll progress slowly but will be beautiful to watch.”  Right now the future looks cloudy.

There is some talent here, though.  OF Carlos Cavazos from the Dominican Republic and SP Hirotada Suzuki show promise.  “We have building blocks.  We need to fill in the other pieces to the puzzle.  No one is untouchable, but we’re not changing the roster just for change’s sake.  It has to make sense.

“We want the fans back!  We’ve got to give them something to cheer about.  I plan on investing resources so that each night will be an event… not just a game.  Fans want to be entertained.  I’m committed to making it fun to be at the ballpark again.”  One possible fan giveaway: sunglasses.  Sunglasses?  “Yes.  The future’s so bright, they’ll have to wear shades.”  Perhaps barf bags will be the next giveaway.  “The most important thing is to be competitive on the field.  Nothing puts fans in the seats like a good ball team.”  If that’s the case, the Akira have some work to do.

Mr. Hissock then attempted to read a prepared statement in Japanese, which translated into, “I’m overjoyed to have a duck in my pants.”  Let’s hope his baseball acumen is better than his grasp of the local dialect.  The team’s fortunes depend on it.  Fans are taking a wait-and-see attitude.