The Rise and Fall of David Goode, the $12 Million Man

September 21, 2013September 2, 2024

(Sung to the tune of “A Drunken Sailor”)

Whadda ya do with a Hitless Wonder

When it’s time for him to retire?

Hard to believe but just 8 short years ago, in the spring of 2011, David Goode was signed to a 6-year, $74.4 million contract—over $12 million a year! What were the Bulldozers thinking? (Oh, right, bulldozers don’t think. They just plow blindly ahead.)

Put him on the bench and call him Coach

So he don’t do more damage.

Goode responded to his sudden wealth by batting at a .234 clip and hitting half the homers (7) he’d hit the year before. Such gratitude. And for the next 6 years, playing for Yuma, Reno, San Antonio and Tempe, the $12 Million Dollar Man put up numbers nobody wanted to believe, including a .221 batting average and a negative WAR value. Twelve mil sure don’t buy what it used to.

Oh, whadda ya do with a Davey Goode?

Whadda ya do with our ol’ friend Goode?

What we gonna do with No-Good Goode?

Turn him into a Bench Coach.

When he announced his retirement last year, the Yuma Bulldozer front office staff threw a party—not for Goode, but for everyone else.

“He’s gone!”

“Oh, goody, no more Goode!”

“I thought he’d never quit.”

“Imagine a PEBAverse without Goode! Like heaven!”

So you can imagine the shock, the disappointment, and the anger when it was announced that David Goode was returning to the Dozer dugout … as a coach.

“WHAT THE HOLY FURNACE IS GOING ON?”

“We just got rid of the S.O.B.”

“Who hired him back?”

Who did rehire David No-Hit Goode? Who wants to torment the Dozer manager and front office so badly they’d actually pay Goode to sit on the bench? Who could be so heartless, so cruel, and so … so … stupid?

We all know who.