SAN ANTONIO, July 5th — Just few hours ago we heard these terrible news: Randy Smith is Calzone no more!! How can this be, our only hero, our savior, our champion traded away just like that? Only few weeks ago i was talking with Simon Kuliszewski and he said Randy isn’t going anywhere. What the hell happened?

No way i could leave it at that, my readers deserve answers, and they need it directly from the source. I got into the car and drove to Laredo where Calzones’ main offices are located. And Simon Kuliszewski’s as well.
Here is the coverage of my trip with timestamps, so you will know how fast it all happened.

11:34 AM – We received disturbing reports that two teams are involved in Randy Smith trade talks. We didnt take this report too serious. There’s always someone talking about ‘Tugboat’, no way San Antonio would do such a thing while still having real chances in wildcard race.

11:48 AM – Another similar news incoming from few different sources. This time i tried to contact someone from Calzones’ front office. Without any success.

11:59 and 59 seconds – Finally i was able to talk to well informed inside source and the worst-case scenario was confirmed, ‘Tugboat’ is sailing away fast from San Antonio!

12:01:22 – I’m in the car on the way to Laredo.

2:05 PM – I finally arrived. I can see angry mob outside of the building, cant hear  anything from here.

2:07 PM – I’m trying to ask around about current situation, but no one came to talk to people and no one is allowed inside the building. Here is few quotes on what fans outside had to say:

“You are this reporter, Joe Ricotta? How come you didn’t know anything about all this?! You just talked to the guy!”

“We’re gonna make speedy effort to cook Kuliszewski alive for trading Randy. I’ve got pot ready for him right here, he’s not gonna get away with this!”
( this guy really had a pot with him, i’m not kidding!)

“You know what i $%# think about this? I’m gonna %$$# him and $#&*  %$*. F&*%!!”

“I think i’ll be Ocelots’ fan from now on. They aren’t that far away and they just signed my favourite player: Jorge Leal”

“You think they’re gonna lower ticket prices now?”

4:13 PM – People burned an effigy of Kuliszewski. Fans in Texas are serious about their baseball club.

around 7 PM – The mob started to disperse slowly, just few more rocks were thrown here and there and around 8:30 i was standing alone outside of the building.

I was still waiting for something to happen until around 9:00 PM, but no one came out to speak to me. I think everyone left using rear exits or something. I heard they digged out underground tunnel for emergency situations like this one, they might be in Mexico right now.

I got into the car and drove back to San Antonio. It’s 00:24 now when i finished writing this, what a wicked day…

We will keep you updated on the situation as fast as we receive any new information.
And despite all of this: Go Calzones!