Roberta Umor, Yuma Sun

April 19, 2012: Yuma, AZ — Late last night, the Yuma Bulldozers suffered their sixth straight defeat at home this season, sinking them into a tie with the Reno Tenpinners for last place in the Desert Hills division of the Sovereign League.  The Dozers have not won a single game in John Deere Stadium in 2012.  The agony of defeat was too much for some loyal Dozer fans.

Three inebriated young men left the ballpark and began howling in the streets of downtown Yuma.  They were joined by half a dozen striking workers from the local casinos.  The group proceeded to march down the middle of Gila Street, shouting obscenities and hurling crumpled baseball scorecards and Keno tickets at passersby.

Police were called to quell the riot.

The striking casino workers were questioned and released, but the three Dozer baseball fans would not calm down.  They resisted arrest and were detained at the Yuma jail overnight.  In the morning, they were arraigned for drunk and disorderly conduct.

In their defense, the three young men – local students at Arizona Western College – claimed the distress of watching the Yuma Bulldozers lose all six of their first home games was too much to bear.

The defendants cited as evidence the lopsided scores of four of the games: 7-0, 7-0, 7-1 and 11-2.  Further evidence offered included the Bulldozers’ miserable offensive showing during the six-game home stand.  Yuma had fewer hits (23) than the opposition scored runs (39).  Finally, in a piece of evidence the court found highly compelling, the attorney for the young fans reported the performance of David Goode, the highest paid Yuma ballplayer with an annual salary of $12 million.  To earn his $74,000 per game (a total of $444,000 for the home stand), Mr. Goode contributed no hits in 7 at bats, fanned 5 times and reached base once on an error.

Justice of the Peace Greg Stewart agreed that such a performance would test the limits of any supporter of the team and sentenced the young men to eight hours of community service cleaning up the mess they made.  He then prohibited them from attending any Bulldozer games until the Dozers have won at least one game at home.

If this is a trend – if we’re witnessing what Marshall McLuhan called “the thin edge of the trial balloon” – then Yuma’s jails will soon hold more faithful Dozer fans than the stadium.