“Panicked” Team Announces Cheerleader Squad
By Michishige Kuniumi, Executive Editor of NiiGhostsSuck.com
May 20, 2013: Niihama City, Japan – The Ghosts front office, described by insiders as “panicked” over the squad’s woeful 2-10 start, today announced what may truly be the most desperate move in the history of the League of the Rising Sun: the team will feature young cheerleaders at each home game.
The squad, dubbed “Ghostettes”, features12 young ladies recruited from Niihama entertainment venues, mainly in the city’s so-called “red light” district. They will appear in uniforms described by a team official as “tastefully revealing”.
One Ghostette will throw out the first ball in each home game, starting with the May 24th game against the Neo-Tokyo Cup champion Akira.
The team so far has seen an average attendance of 26,000 per game, respectable despite the Ghosts’ horrid start, but the front office is reportedly concerned even those levels will drop as the season wears on.
One source said, “After the trade of Nobuhito Hasegawa, the team really has no stars. Shiggy Memoto, maybe, but many fans blame his fat cat contract for the team’s downfall. The owners and GM were, simply, panicked.”
Not coincidentally, the debut of the Ghostettes comes as Hasegawa makes his first appearance in Niihama City in an Akira uniform.
The team also is reeling from fan protests calling for the ouster of GM Mike Dunn and a national controversy over the dumping in the sea of Hasegawa bobbleheads.
Fans apparently are looking forward to the cheerleaders. “I don’t really want to watch what’s on the field,” said season ticket holder Oguri Kaito, 37, “so at least this gives me something to look at. Just don’t tell my wife.”
Your faithful reporter looks at this development with some sadness. A once-mighty franchise, among the elite of the LRS, now is forced into such tacky and tasteless tactics. Surely the day will come when the young talent at AAA Namuko will be elevated to the big league squad. Until then, however, you certainly cannot argue that the third one from the left is quite hot.