By Granville Price, Palm Springs Semaphore

March 7, 2009

A Palm Springs Semaphore reporter visited the office of Palm Springs Codgers General Manager Denny Hills for a look at the upcoming season – but got mainly a bizarre, rambling discussion of the recent past.  A transcript of the interview follows.

Palm Springs Semaphore: Hi, Mr. Hills.

Denny Hills: Who are you?

PSS: I’m from the paper; we’ve spoken many times.  I’m here to interview you about the 2009 season?

DH: Mmmmm.

PSS: Forgive me for saying this, but you appear sleepless, unshaven and generally disheveled.  How long have you been up here?

DH: I dunno.  A few days… weeks… whatever.  Like it matters. (sighs)

PSS:  My God, look at all these empty bottles… have you been drinking?

DH: Antitrust exemption!

PSS: That makes no sense.

DH: (sighs) You’re right.  Nothing makes sense any more, now that Mig’s gone.

PSS: “Mig”?  Are you referring to shortstop Miguel Soto, who departed the team for free agency?

DH: Yep. (sighs)  He was everything to me.

PSS: To the team, you mean?

DH: It’s like we were soul mates.  I realize that now.

PSS: Um.  You realize he was just one of the players on your team, right?  He was an employee of yours, and you actually butted heads a number of times.  In fact, during the playoffs you said “he can [redacted] my [redacted]“.

DH: Well, sure, we had our little spats; we’re both very intense individuals.  But beneath it all that ultimate level of understanding was always there.  It’s almost like we were two people with a single mind.

PSS: Uh…

DH: Oh are they ever right… you don’t know what you got till it’s gone.  (sighs)

PSS:  Um, yes.  Anyway, Héctor Castillo is with you now.  He seems nice.

DH: Eh, it’s just not the same; there’s no magic there. (sighs)  Let me tell you a story.  I know how much Miguel loves music, so last year I decided to surprise him.  I acquired the Stradivarius Le Maurien and…

PSS: Wait a minute.  A Stradivarius?  You mean the violin?

DH: Yes.

PSS: Where did you get it?  How?

DH: That’s, uh… that’s really not, uh, not important.

PSS: I just can’t believe you actually bought a Stradivarius violin.

DH: Well, “bought” is not exactly… look, I don’t want to get bogged down in semantics here; the point is I had this instrument, see?  Anyway, one night after a particularly tough loss – in extra innings, if I recall correctly – I called Mig into my office and presented Le Maurien to him.  I shall never forget the look on his face as he gaped at me in wonderment, at a complete loss for words.  That’s my one consolation… that I will always have the memory of that look on his face. (sighs)

PSS: Yes.  That is quite a story, all right.  Moving on, tell me about the trade to acquire closer Juan Santos from Duluth at the Winter Meetings.

DH: Honestly, I don’t remember much about it; most of the offseason has been kind of a haze to me.

PSS: Well, some are saying that giving up last year’s two top draftees plus this year’s second-round draft pick was too high a price to pay.

DH: Really?  We traded Brandon Collins and Loren Georges?  Well, hopefully they’ll get injured… then the deal will look better.

PSS: Hoping for a player to get hurt seems a little cold-hearted.

DH: Well, it’s a cold world out there.  A cold, uncaring, unfeeling world… now that Miguel is gone. (sighs)  Oh, Miguel, Miguel… (buries face in hands)  You know, at this time I would like to be alone with my thoughts.  Please withdraw.

PSS: Thank you for your time.