By Tomasz Kamien / NewJerseyHitmen.blogspot.com

March 2^nd, 2012: Newark, NJ – Welcome back, Hitmen fans!  After a long year spent away from the keyboard learning the ropes of the writing biz and getting people coffee, I am finally free to share my opinions and some news about your favorite New Jersey Hitmen!

The 2011 season was a bust according to many, including the Hitmen’s reclusive GM Michael Czosnyka.  Before the start of the 2011 season, I told you I expected the team to play about .500 ball and go 81-81.  After a season that saw the Hitmen trade away four All-Stars along with a horde of other fan-favorites, the Hitmen quietly finished the year a dismal 65-97, good for 6^th place in the Pan-Atlantic division and dwarfing their old worst record by 12 games!

Not only that, but I have caught wind from a club insider that the Hitmen lost over $12 million dollars over the year because of reduced ticket and merchandising sales.  Trading away half the team will do that!  Needless to say, this did not make GM Czosnyka very happy.  Catching up on the team since my recent return to Newark, I caught wind that Mr. Czosnyka would be making a rare interview concerning the 2011 season and plans for the upcoming 2012.  This was news indeed, as he has only shown his face once to the public since taking over and that was while visiting another team!  No love for your hometown Hitmen, Mike?  What a bum!

Well, lucky for you, Hitmen fans, I got to sit in the back of the room and listen in on the interview.  Perks of the job, my friends!  Without further ado, here are some tidbits from the train wreck of an interview.

General Manager Michael Czosnyka walks into the room and the chatter of the reporters calms down as he approaches the microphone stand.

MrC: Alright, welcome everyone.  Let’s make this quick.  We’ll start at this side of the room.  First question?

Michael points to the right side of the room.

ESPN Reporter: Mr. Czosnyka, where have you been hiding all this time?  Why have your first interview in New Jersey on the cusp of the 2012 season and not sooner?

MrC: I haven’t been hiding anywhere.  This place was going down the tube fast when I got here and it has been a lot of work to try and get that turned around.  I’ve been working, unlike you people.  I think fixing the team is more important than talking to you people.  Next…

Star-Ledger: So you spend all that time trying to fix things, and yet you ended the season 65-97?  What kind of fixing do you have in store for us this year?

MrC: Someone has to have the balls to pull the trigger.  I am always trying to fix the team, and believe me, it needs a lot of fixing if this damn thing is ever to make money.

Star-Ledger: Was it really necessary to trade away Mosley, Cruz, Marsh and Garza?  Just giving away four All-Stars like that?  Doesn’t really show your fans that you have a grasp on the situation here in New Jersey.

Mr. Czosnyka sighs heavily at the question.

MrC: All overpaid shmucks.  We need to create budget room and I did that.  We got some talented youngsters in return.  Next…

HudsonReporter.com: Well, you don’t seem shy to make the moves necessary to get the team turned around.  I’ll give you that, but you could probably have made some more reserved moves.

MrC: Is that even a question or are you just trying to give me a hard time?  Are you seriously going to waste everyone’s time with taking jabs at me?

There is a quiet murmur amongst the reporters in the room.

MrC: 6^th place is all the former Planetary Extreme Champion could muster up last year.  That is piss poor, people; I am almost ashamed to be the General Manager here.  I will continue to make the moves my staff and I deem necessary in order to make this team win.  My job is to make sure the money comes in, and your job is to sit back and make the team sound good, so do your job.

The Trentonian: Alright Mr. Czosnyka, moving to the present, what do you expect from your Hitmen this year?

MrC: I expect, at the very least, .500 from these guys.  I think they can do it.  The “Kung Fu Panda” has been brought up from Jersey City and he will be given the reigns over at first this year.  He should be able to launch the ball a few times for us.  Next…

The crowd seems to chatter in agreement.

T.K.: You managed to make some smart moves last year in the draft, but this year you don’t have the luxury of your first and second round picks.  After such careless trades, do you still think you can have a successful draft in 2012?

Agitated at the comment by T.K., Mr. Czosnyka quickly chugs half of the bottle water at the microphone stand.

MrC: The luxury?  You’re a smartass, aren’t you…?  We made some good acquisitions with those picks, for your information.  Shows how much you know about baseball.  You think you could do any better?  We will do just fine in the upcoming draft, with or without our first and second rounder.  Next…

Mr. Czosnyka fidgets with the microphone and is clearly not comfortable.

Atlantic City Weekly: Mr. Czosnyka, are we going to get to see some more of outfielder Daniel Ríos this year?  He has always been such a leader for the team, yet didn’t seem to get utilized much last year.  I am sure the fans would love to see him back on the field more.

Mr. Czosnyka begins staring at the report from the Atlantic City Weekly.

MrC: Are you freaking serious?!  What games you watching?!  Ríos is a washed-up has-been; he won’t see any time on the field if I have anything to do about it!  Damn, $11 million… what a freaking waste.  Players like him are what is wrong with this team!  Who would pay that moron $11 million a year!  This is the kind of crap I have to put up with!

Mr. Czosnyka snorts at the question.  He slaps his bottle of water in anger, knocking it to the ground and spilling it all over.

MrC: Well, I apparently have more work to deal with… that’s it for now.

Mr. Czosnyka abruptly ends the interview early and leaves before anyone can get out of their chairs.

Without saying, the short-tempered Czosnyka made his first hometown interview an interesting one!  Mr. Czosnyka thinks the club will go 81-81 this year, much like I thought last year.  With the lack of talent again this year, I am going to be more reserved and say the Hitmen will finish the year with a 72-90 record, finishing six games better than last year’s embarrassment.  With spring training beginning tomorrow, we will have a lot more to discuss as the players try to work off the rust from a long off-season.