Sunday, February 12^th, 2017

Last night, the London glitterati were out in force at the Wembley Conference Centre for the London Underground’s glitzy “2016 Awards & Dinner Bash.” Food and drink flowed well into the night, but in amongst that was several keynote speeches by first-year Underground GM Nigel Laverick. The first big announcement came during his opening address while he was thanking the London faithful for their support.

“I was very pleased in the way that our supporters backed the team in every way and turned out in all weathers to roar the team on. Our total attendance of over 2.8 million was the highest ever in our ten-year history and sixth highest in the Imperial League. Our average attendance was within a handful of our capacity. To that point, I’m pleased to announce that the 5,000-seat expansion to Wembley Stadium and the new state-of-the-art retractable roof, graciously funded by Sir John Fowler Jr., will be ready for the start of the new campaign. The roof will be able to close in 10 minutes and will prevent the great number of rain delays that we normally suffer. Despite these improvements, we are pleased to be able to confirm that the average ticket price will rise by only £2 to give an average price of £15, which will put us just £1 above the cheapest in the Pan-Atlantic Division after several years of being the cheapest. I’m sure you will agree that is still great value.”

The audience gave a great reception to the announcement and the room was still buzzing when they moved on to the presentation of the awards, as voted by the fans.

“These two awards were voted online by you, the fans, and both were keenly contested. The Fans’ Pitcher of the Year was a really tight race, with a lot of votes going to Hiroyuki and Luis, but in the end, the winner by a neck was an American in his third year here in the capital. He started the year in the bullpen but forced his way into the rotation, turned a 2015 record of 7-9 into 11-4 while still maintaining a 3.13 ERA, and made his first PEBA All-Star appearance. Please give a big hand to the 2016 Fans’ Pitcher of the Year… Mitch Anderson!

The Fans’ Batter of the Year was less hotly contested. Here, the votes were really spread around, reflecting the high standard of commitment our players have shown this year. But out in front by quite a way in the end was a fifth-year player who has amassed over 500 appearances for the Underground, scoring as well as driving in over 300 runs. Last year, he set career highs in homers and total bases. Ladies and gentlemen, the 2016 Fans’ Batter of the Year… Decheng Wen!”

The guests then dove into a vast spread of food while being entertained by the Kaiser Chiefs and Adele. As the evening ground to a close, there was one final speech from the GM.

“I know I made a few mistakes last year. I acknowledge that I’ll have to do better in 2017. To slip from 86 wins to 81 isn’t good enough. It may only be five wins, but that’s the difference between contending and just being there. In 2017, we will do better! Now is our time – we have some top-class youngsters emerging and we must not waste them. Firstly, though, I must thank Mark Lamb, Bob Adams, Millard Wooten, Augusto Torres, Robert Collins, and Rémi Youngfor their efforts last season. Although they’ve all moved on now, I’m sure the fans will remember them fondly. Secondly, I want to confirm that Leonard Carver, Bernie Jacoby,and Bryan Bedell will all be full-time members of London’s 25-man roster for 2017. Finally, welcome our off-season acquisitions, outfielders Felipe Garza and Dan Truax! And ladies… don’t stand too close to Dan or you’ll find out how he got his “Snake Hips” nickname! I must also welcome our new hitting coach, Emílio Flores, who replaces the retiring Steven Reid. Emilio has been promoted from Worcester, where he did such sterling work in their playoff season.

The final thing I have to say tonight is that we’re really grateful for the way you, the people of England and Europe, have taken to your first ever PEBA franchise. To highlight this franchise’s bond with England, the team will be wearing a new cap this season, emblazoned with a Cross of St. George. We are also updating the whole look of the franchise and sinking our entire scouting budget into the finding of the next James Tinker. We want you to play for us! Get out and join your local baseball club – we will be looking for you!

And finally, finally… do you want to make your money back from tonight? Sprint down to the bookies and get it on Carver to be the 2017 IL Wunderkind Award winner. He’s got the confidence; I’ve got the confidence. Do you?”