December 15, 2017

Katsumi Nakamura, Toyama Times

A disturbance on an international flight between Miami International Airport and Tokyo International Airport stirred up the baseball scene in Toyoma, when it was reported that none other than Jim Konopka was at the heart of the matter. Konopka is the General Manager of the LRS Lupin Cliff Hangers baseball team. It is speculated that Konopka was traveling to Japan to prepare for the Baseball Winter Meetings.

It is further reported that Konopka ran up and down the aisles ranting several times. He was finally subdued by flight attendants who threatened legal action if he did not calm down. One of the flight attendants commented that Konopka was obviously intoxicated.

The incident apparently arose during a discussion between Konopka and an American passenger sharing an arm rest. The fellow passenger commented that third baseman Millard Moore never should have relegated himself to playing in the inferior Japanese League, and that Konopka didn’t have what it took to make big league baseball decisions.

It didn’t take long after that before the entire passenger cabin was attentively following loud outbursts from Konopka. “What do you mean I don’t have what it takes? I was the one who saw the talent in Moore in the first place. He was rotting away in the minor leagues. When I had the opportunity to acquire him I did. My judgment was perfectly sound! I did nothing wrong there.”

The flight attendants persuaded him to return to his seat at one point. But his smiling neighbor prodded him into another outburst about the foreigner limit, which exists to prevent LRS general managers from wasting good talent in a bad league.

“Blame it all on Cheetos! That big dumb idiot does not know how to run a baseball team. All he knows how to do is eat. He’s got orange residue all over his fingers. Licking it off is more important that running his team. I make one of the all-time best acquisitions of the organization and the idiot lets him slip away! He is an amateur. The only reason he’s attained such an important position is by pure luck.”

Konopka was obviously referring to Team Owner Paul “Cheezits” Walker.

When a passenger in the back of the plane pointed out that Walker likes Cheezits, not Cheetos, Konopka spouted off again. “Moore was willing to sign for about 5 million dollars a season. That was a bargain. A steal. And that mama’s boy said it was too much money to carry in the future for such an old foreigner. My goodness: a.361 OPS, 33 homer player in his first year with a team deserves a re-up in his contract. Now he’s demanding 21 million a year for five more years. Now we really can’t afford him. He could have helped us rise to the top. But now he’s gone. If that idiot owner hadn’t blocked me from doing what I knew was right, we’d have had him locked up at a very reasonable price.”

A flight attendant who follows baseball closely mentioned that after Konopka was finally subdued and returned to his seat, mumbled “Now I’ve got to go work with that idiot to prepare for the winter meetings! I’d rather be eaten by an oversized Walrus. We would be serious contenders if we had good decisions from above. What does a guy have to do to earn respect?” The attendant said that Konopka drifted off into disturbed sleep for the remainder of the flight.

As Konopka was entering a taxi outside of the airport, Matsumoto Sadakuno (of Toyama Television Broadcasting Co., Ltd) asked Konopka if he’d like to comment on the incident to Lupin Nation. Konopka was heard blurting “No comment” just before he spewed out something reeking strongly of vodka and regurgitated matter. Konopka was noted rubbing his eye with his birdie finger outstretched as the taxi pulled away.