Tricia Takanawa, Takanawa Times

8/11/2013: Seoul, South Korea – Reports are swirling around the league today about Crushers’ RF Kiyonori Kato and his injury.  Word has it the strained groin was owed to a prank gone wrong.  What was supposed to be a celebration of the BBG winning the All-Star Game and Kato’s wonderful season so far instead turned into chaos.

It all started when the team got back from practice on the night of the 10^th.  They had a small party and get-together with the team and family.  Most of the team were chatting it up and having fun.  For Kato, this was a time to look back on his season, examine some tapes of the game and study for the upcoming series.

Reports say Kato, to his surprise, saw what looked like Crushers pitcher Naofumi Ishii tipping off his pitches.  Now Kato knew that he had to have proof and not just some random accusation.  Kato called over his best friend and roommate, CF Raúl Gómez. When Gómez sat down, Kato pointed out what he saw.  At first, Gómez thought it could be just a mistake or Kato just over-analyzing it.  They followed up by looking at every game Ishii played in.  What they noticed was that Ishii would rub his pinkie finger on his nose before throwing certain pitches.  That pitch would then turn into a run created or a hit.  Was Ishii blowing the game on purpose?  If so, why would he do that?

There were many questions to be answered.  Unsure how to approach things, Kato and Gómez decided it was best to bring it up to General Manager Ishimaru Kaito.  Moments after they left, someone showed up and replaced the tapes with cartoons and inappropriate adult videos.  When Kaito showed up, they all sat down and turned on the tapes.  A laugh came out of Kaito when he saw the screen.  It was an old Japanese cartoon: 3000 Leagues in Search of Mother, or Marco.  Kato glanced at Gómez and they both looked at the other tapes and tossed one after another in.  The rest were really bad taste type of movies.

Gómez, red-faced and embarrassed, got up and left.  Kaito smirked and patted Kato on the back, saying, “Good prank, kid.”  Kato sat dumbfounded over what had happened.  Upset and a tad angry, he hopped up to figure out what went wrong with the tapes.  As he got up, he heard a tear in his pants and experienced a not-so-good feeling around his groin.

When he looked down, he saw a good portion of his pants still on the bench with what looked like skin attached.  He had been pranked, and his testicles were full of pain.  He fell to the ground screaming and cupping his manhood.  Team trainer Harumi Tanaka raced in, and Kato said someone had glued him to the bench.  Tanaka tried to help, but Kato now had hands glued to his manly area.  Tanaka rushed him down to the trainer’s room before anyone else could see the commotion.  He then grabbed his trainer’s bag and pulled out a gallon of nail polish remover.  Kato sat back and let the liquid absorb around his hands, and he was free within minutes.  Sadly, though, the ordeal had left Kato with a pulled groin muscle.  Tanaka let him know he would be out at least 2-3 weeks.

Tanaka put out a call to Crushers’ owner Mark Kierstead to let him know what happened.  Kierstead was irate.  His star player was out because of a joke, a joke that should never have been played out in the first place.  Minutes later, the team was in the locker room and told what happened.  If it were not for a pissed off owner, the team may have chuckled a little bit.  After Kierstead was done and had cooled off a bit, he let the team know pranks are done with.  We are a team that has been last at everything and hasn’t played well.  Should we be pranking players or playing harder?

It was a rough night for Kato and the Crushers.  2-3 weeks out is a huge deal for a team in last place.  I am Tricia Takanawa and this is the Takanawa Times.