8/5/2013: London, England – Yesterday’s game between the Connecticut Nutmeggers and Charleston Statesmen was delayed by 20 minutes after jani tor Stan Lufbeck threw out the first pitch.  “I didn’t think anyone wanted it,” he explained shortly after the ball had been found in a dumpster outside Gate 4.  “Honestly, this whole thing was very confusing.”

The gaffe sent team equipment managers and batboys scrambling to find the ball and Lufbeck.  Manager Alonso Rodríguez described the situation: “I’m standing near the plate with Aric (Charleston manager Aric Kinast), yelling into the dugout to get an idea of why no one was there yet.  I couldn’t figure out what the delay was.  Next thing I know, Mike Mills, one of our batboys, runs to the top of the steps and yells back, ‘We think Stan threw it out!’  So I yell back in no uncertain terms that he did not and we were still waiting for him.  Mike yells something back, but right about that time, the crowd starts to go crazy.  I can’t hear a thing and he disappears up the tunnel again.  Turns out a cat had started running circles in left field and four of our grounds crew were doing their best Three Stooges impersonation trying to catch it.  The fans were clearly on the cat’s side, and I’m getting madder and madder as the whole place is going crazy and we need to start the game.”

Team officials invited Lufbeck to throw out the first pitch after he helped out at a charity event that team owner Paul Woodward held the previous week.  “Mr. Woodward told me what a great job I had done,” Lufbeck said of the invite, “and would I be willing to throw out the first pitch just before the game today?  I figured, sure, why not?  People are always asking me to mop things up, throw away this or that, or clean a toilet somewhere.  It’s all part of the job description, so no big deal.  The only thing I didn’t understand was why a ball that looked new wasn’t wanted anymore, but I don’t ask questions; I just do what I’m told.”

Lufbeck was eventually found mopping up a spill outside the men’s restroom near Section 235 of the loge deck.  “It looked like 15 sloppy joes, a bunch of crushed nachos and some sodas, and Stan did not want to let go of that mop,” Mills later said.  “So we basically grabbed him and shoved him the whole way to the dugout.”  As Lufbeck proceeded up the steps, an enormous roar was let out by the crowd: the cat had managed to wrest itself free from its captor just as they were getting to the far end of the third base dugout.  It jumped the fence and ran up the ramp into the stadium, while Lufbeck was given a new ball and ushered by George John to the pitching mound.  John leaned in to his ear and gave instructions, at which point Lufbeck pointed incredulously at catcher Samuel Kettley, waiting behind the plate.  John nodded emphatically and Lufbeck took several strides forward before throwing a one-hopper that Kettley fielded easily.

Afterward, Lufbeck still seemed a bit peeved at the whole experience.  “I don’t know what the big deal was, and while I appreciated all that cheering when I got on the field, it sure seems a bit silly.  I don’t know who’d want to see me throw a baseball ‘cause, whoo-boy, is that a long way to throw, and it doesn’t even count!  I just hope for Mr. Woodward’s sake that the union doesn’t hear about this, ‘cause there’s no way I get paid enough for this rubbish.”

Bug Hurley is a freelance beat writer for The Shallot