12/31/2018 – Reno, NV: What is the one thing that separates men from boys, strength from weakness or success from failure?  That’s right – a mustache!  The mustache has been associated with some of the greatest men in American history such as, cattle drivers, outlaws, railroad tycoons and circus ring master.  Michael Johnson is looking to add baseball pitcher to that list.

The twenty-two year old lefty has had the nickname “Mustache” since high school. The story goes that he tried to grow a mustache during his senior year and it came in so patchy and mangy that his teammates immediately started to make fun of him.

“They didn’t tell me how bad it looked,” said Johnson. “They gave me all kinds of encouragement to my face in order to convince me to keep rocking my horrid looking attempt at a stache.”

Reno Zephyrs minor league catcher Jesús Negrete was Johnson’s catcher for all four years at Union City High School and was the player to first start calling him by his nick name.  “The whole team got into the act back then,” Negrete said of the high jinx.  “We all just loved to look at that thing Mike thought was a mustache.  It looked like a miniature golfer was putting divits all over his lip.”

After five years of being called “Mustache” the young Reno hurler decided the time was right to give it a second try. After breaking into the PEBA and pitching in the PEBA Extreme Classic, one can understand why Michael is feeling like he can shake this monkey from his back.

This is a clear and obvious attempt to take his pitching game to another level. There have been a number of statistical studies that have proven beyond all reasonable doubt that baseball players who sport a killer mustache perform far better than their bare-lipped, temperance-loving, counterparts.

Rumor has it that the Reno front office has fully embraced their young rookie in his mustache growing plan and sent him to an undisclosed location where Michael will work with a team of facial hair professionals. A source within the front office tells us that the mustache project will entail washing Michael’s lip four times a day with a mixture of Old Spice cologne, hippopotamus urine and rye whiskey. Each washing session will be followed up with a dry rub of beef jerky and peat moss.

When all is said and done, I fully expect Michael “Mustache” Johnson to come to Spring Training rocking one fantastic mustache that will make the Laughing Cavalier beam with pride.