Felipe Gruyere, Contributor-At-Large, Jacksonville Sentinel

July 11, 2034

In what will be remembered as one of the great moments in PEBA history, baseball great and resurgent super-star Danny “Hitman” Burton was unveiled as the surprise eighth contestant at this year’s homerun derby. While the reasoning behind the late addition is unknown, this was truly an “air bud” moment if there ever was one.

“But…but he can’t participate!” Pablo Ortiz whined, “He’s not even on the all-star team!” Pablo Ortiz a well-known misanthrope would petition the commissioner of the league, but was unable to sway any to his side. Nowhere in the rule book does it state that home run derby contestants must be on the all-star team themselves.

With Ortiz’s arguments falling on deaf ears, the Palm Springs slugger wound up facing up against the 13 year veteran and was easily dispatched by a final score of 17-9. Ortiz, in the last year of his contract, did not ingratiate himself among those of us who see him as a great fit with the Florida organization should he hit free agency.

Next up, Burton faced Kalamazoo’s Gustavo Lopez who hit the most homeruns in round 1. Facing tough competition, the two traded homer for homer, but Burton could not be stopped, slugging 15 to Lopez’s 14. The two embraced afterwards with Lopez shaking his head. “I can’t believe I got beat by a geezer,” he said jokingly as he joined his family in the stands.

In the final round, Farstriders faithful were treated to a rare heavyweight match of teammates in Danny Burton and Bartolo Mora. It was an exciting competition, but Burton ended up running away with it, 21-17. When asked about it afterwards, Mora said that he was excited to face off against a teammate and, “next time we’ll just have a foot race… I think I can win that without too much issue!”

In the award ceremony afterwards, Burton got sentimental. He thanked those who attended and those he faced off against “even Pablo,” he said with a smirk. “Some of you know this has been a year of ups and downs for me and tonight is really kind of a boiled down essence of the past few months. While I don’t want to get too deep into the weeds of things in my life, I will take this time to say how important family is. Without family, we have nothing. Even if you have all the money and fame you could ever use, that’s all meaningless if you don’t have those who you love around you.”

Burton’s words carried the heft of a man burdened with his past and trying to live up to his future. It was clear that these were not easy words for him to say, often having his voice crack under the strain of implication.

The next day, Burton was seen boarding a plane from Madison to New Orleans.