April 2nd, 2017: Clifton, NJ – League and team officials made it official today a day before their first game with the Beantown Browns. New Jersey’s AAA affiliate the Jersey City Chilltowners have moved to Clifton and are now officially the Clifton Dons. Of course this comes as no surprise as the franchise has made it clear that they planned to relocate their minor league teams to more fitting locations. Unlike in the past, owner Michael ‘Szef’ Czosnyka was not on hand at this unveiling, leaving only rumors and speculation about the move, and an equally confused manager António Martínez.

“Well.. we’ve known the move was coming for some time now with a park being prepared and new jerseys and such, but that’s about all I know. We are happy though to be here in Clifton and are ready to get our guys on the field for another fine season.”

Third basemen Terry ‘Lump Lump’ Lovell said that he heard that Czosnyka enjoyed the long over TV-series called The Sopranos. Another team relocation because the owner enjoyed something he has seen on TV? I guess when you are running the show and controlling the money you get to do what you want. Some investigative work will tell us that the series creator David Chase was born in Clifton and even filmed some scenes in the surrounding area. Maybe bringing the team to Clifton, Czosnyka had hoped he could get the team on the show somehow, but the series being over for 10 years now would squash that idea wouldn’t it? Well I did follow up this idea by contacting Chase himself hoping to hear I was insane.

“I did have a gentleman call and ask me to write new episodes for the series, pitching some strange story line about how Tony Soprano would have bought the team and filled the team with professional killers and thugs. Absurdity aside, the gentleman coudln’t seem to come to terms with the fact that the series and story are long over. He must have been watching reruns and thought they were new? I don’t know.”

I honestly find new reasons each season to question the intelligence of the franchise’s owner, but with the Hitmen constantly turning a profit and making it to the playoffs four years running, I am not sure what to think of him. Genius or crazy?

Czosnyka aside we look at the changes to the team.  Sporting a new logo, the team color’s change to grey and purple. Jerseys change to match, grey with simple purple striping along the shoulders and purple strips along the torso with “Dons” emblazoned on the left breast.  The ball cap matches as grey with purple stripes and a purple “C” for Clifton New Jersey. The clean and professional look continues throughout the franchise’s minor league teams. The new home of the Dons is the aptly named “Stronghold”. This leaves us with only one minor league affiliate now in New Jersey that hasn’t been butchered since Czosnyka has taken over, the Hilo Hoops down in SS-A ball. Here’s to hoping some other outdated show or story about the mob doesn’t catch Czosnyka’s fancy.