Roberta Umor, Yuma Sun

7 February 2020—Yuma, AZ:  After nearly a week of silence, Emma Span today granted an interview to reporters covering the story about rumored trade negotiations between the Florida Featherheads and the Yuma Bulldozers. Last week, the Yuma Owners Consortium denied the rumors that the Dozers were about to close a deal with the Featherheads involving Yuma’s #1 pitching prospect, Victor Latham, and Florida’s #1 hitting prospect, Danny Burton.

To set the record straight, as she put it, Consortium Spokeswoman Emma Span answered questions today about the trade.

Have the Bulldozers entered into any discussions with the Featherheads about swapping Latham for Burton?

Span: Nope.

Have the Bulldozers entertained any offers, from any club, for Latham?

Span: Nope.

Are the Dozers considering offering Latham to any other clubs in exchange for a hitting prospect?

Span: Nope.

Are you saying, Ms. Span, that suggestions that such a trade was in the works are nothing but rumors?

Span: Yep.

Could you speculate on who might have started these rumors?

Span: Nope.

Do you have any idea why such rumors started?

Span: Nope.

Would you care to comment on how these rumors will affect any future trades the Bulldozers are interested in making?

Span: Couldn’t say.

Well, you’ve certainly been a big help. But, Ms. Span, there are accusations that the former Dozer GM, Bob Mayberry, may have tried to negotiate with Florida on his own. Do you have—

Span: Ludicrous! The man is committed to a mental hospital. He’s doped up most of the time, I’m told, and quite unaware that the Dozers, not to mention the city of Yuma, even exists.

Could Mayberry have been behind the rumors of a trade?

Span: Hardly. Who would listen to the crazed rantings of a lunatic?

Have you, or anyone from the Yuma club, tried to contact Mayberry to confirm he was not involved in the rumors?

Span: Whatta you think? We haven’t contacted the Pope either to confirm that His Holiness was not behind the rumors.

Wasn’t Mayberry able to negotiate and complete a controversial trade with the Calzones last year, while institutionalized?

Span: I have no idea, and that’s the last question I’m answering.

Rumor has it that Mayberry has escaped the mental hospital and is running the club from his cell phone. Care to comment?

Span: Mental patients don’t have cell phones. Now, good day.

While Emma Span had little to add to our investigation into trade rumors, it strikes this reporter as quite curious that Ms. Span remains in New Jersey, essentially isolated from the day-to-day operations of the Bulldozers or the Owners Consortium that hired her. And her refusal to discuss the whereabouts of former Dozer GM Mayberry spanks of coverup.

The Yuma Sun promises its readers to pursue these questions, to discover the whereabouts of the missing former GM Mayberry, and to report on his part, if any, in the strange rumors circulating the Yuma Bulldozer front office.