In a bizarre turn of events, a fan was caught streaking through the Jane P. Woods Memorial Stadium grounds today. A confused Arlington police officer spotted movement during a routine inspection, and noticed local Bureaucrats fan Bert Dickson running naked on the field. To add to the hilarity, Billy Buckley, the Master of the Keys for the stadium, was on vacation in Okinawa, and had the keys in his possession at the time, thus making Dickson’s apprehension that much more difficult.

Communicating via bullhorn through the gate, they began to attempt to convince Bert to give himself up. But Bert seemed more interested in espousing his cause at the top of his lungs, mainly regarding the price of hot dogs and the poor performance of the team in the 2039 season. He complained that the price of hot dogs was more expensive than the price of a gameday ticket, for which you could purchase for the low price of $12.72 per ticket, while hot dogs are sold for about $13.50, $15.10 if you want the deluxe ones, which come with sauerkraut and onions.

When Bert was told that the season was long over and no one could really see his protest, he sheepishly asked for a blanket, as it was windy and temperatures were approaching freezing. The police promised him a blanket if he would turn himself in. Bert agreed. While his own sausage lay hanging in the wind, he haphazardly climbed the gates and into the custody of the police. Sources within the department say that he could be charged with indecent exposure, but that might not stick, as there was no one around to see his bratwurst. For now though, he has been admitted to a mental health facility, to see if the Bureaucrat’s poor performance this past decade has caused him significant brain damage.