The Wrath of Cohen: A Distant Worlds-Shadows AAR

[Mike Dunn]

1. PROLOGUE

My name is Nathan Myron Cohen. I am a space pirate.

My parents were not particularly happy about my choice of occupation. They preferred that I follow in my father’s footsteps and become a dentist. For the Keskudon. The nice thing about being a dentist for the Keskudon is that they have on average 428 teeth, as compared to the human’s average of 32 teeth.


“More cavities, more fillings, more novacaine,” my father would say. “Nate, its a gold mine!”

But a life of examining reptilian molars was not for me. For as long as I could remember, growing up on Jameniri Prime, I knew I wanted to be a space pirate. Sure, a lot of kids would pretend to be pirates, but most outgrew the dream. Not me. It was all I ever wanted. My parents said I had to wait until I was 13, after my bar mitzvah.

At first, I thought they were giving me lip service. Humoring me. But at my bar mitzvah reception, my uncle Abe, the one who made a killing speculating on Bifurian Silk, called me over to talk.

“Nathan,” he said, chomping on his Falajian cigar, “today you became a man. And if you are serious abut this damned space pirate business, I’ll make you a deal. If you finish high school with an A average, I will set you up as a pirate with a couple of spare ships in the Colancia system. There’s a few Phaerex there who owe me favors. And when you get tired of pirating, you can come work for me, and make some real money!” He bellowed a laugh and the spittle hit me in the eye.


Uncle Abe. The only one who took me seriously.

So I finished my classes a year early, with an A+ average no less, and at age17 I left home and became a space pirate. My mother cried and reminded me to wear my rain jacket so I don't catch a cold. "And don't forget your allergy medicine!!"

So there I was: an honest-to-goodness space pirate. Not a particularly good space pirate, mind you, but at least I chased my dream. What follows is my story. The story of when the universe felt the wrath of Cohen.

.

[Mike Dunn]

This is an after action report of a playthrough of a modded version of Distant Worlds: Shadows, the latest expansion for a game that first was released by Code Force and Matrix back in 2010. I'm using two mods: Haree78's Extended Races (which adds 16 new races) and Martian's GEM, Graphics Enhancement Mod (which upgrades the graphics in the UI and elsewhere).

Beyond that, I have modded the game myself simply to include characters specific to the storyline, including our hero, Nathan Myron Cohen, space pirate. Modding DW is relatively simple, adjusting text files and putting .png files into appropriate folders.

Distant Worlds: Shadows is expensive and overwhelming. And thus, not for everyone. I have managed to work through some but not all of the learning curve, and I can tell by the Matrix forums that there's still a lot I don't know. But you can automate as little or as much of your empire/pirate faction as you want and you can setup the game in thousands of different ways, so its possible to have fun with it even before the learning curve is conquered. It can be many games to many different players, and it as close to I've ever found to a space opera creation program. It is grand strategy and grand drama in a SF setting.

One of my all-time favorite games was Space Rangers 2, where you could fly around in your ship and play a ranger, mercenary or -- best of all -- pirate. So I was thrilled with the Distant Worlds folks announced that the Shadows expansion would let you play as a pirate, rather than just an empire. Because we all know running empires gets boring after a while.

However I soon found that in the pirate mode of DW you cannot be as nomadic as in SR2. Even as a pirate you have a home base -- a space port rather than a planet-based colony -- and many of the trappings of an empire -- fleet, economy, expansion needs -- that to some degree make this mode more of a pirate in name only. That said, the goals of pirating are different -- you want to conquer other competing pirates, but make friends with as many traditional empires as possible. Empires are your friends. They will give you smuggling missions, buy tech and maps from you, and maybe even let your harbor a secret pirate base.

Here are the settings for this game:

• 4x4 Sectors, 250 Stars [This is an intentionally tiny setup to make the AAR more manageable. You can go up to 15x15 sectors and 1400 stars]
  Galaxy: Evenly distributed Clusters (this leads to five star clusters on this size map)
  Expansion: Pre-Warp
  Aggression: Restless
  Research: Normal Costs
  Space Creatures: Normal
  Pirates: Normal amount - Strength: Weak (Average Proximity - Distant) Destroyed pirates do not respawn.
  Colony Prevalence: Plentiful
  Independent Alien Life: Plentiful
  Colony Influence: 67%
  Colonization Range: 2 Sectors
  Pirate Playstyle: Smuggler
  Empires at Game Start: 8 (these are the traditional empires, not the competing pirate factions)
  Victory Conditions set at: 66% territory. 66% economy with overall threshold @ 90% (Pirate-specific victory conditions disabled)
  Tech Trading disallowed**
  All story events and race-specific events disabled
  Disasters and other events enabled

**Disabling tech trading was, in retrospect, a mistake. One of the best ways to make money as a pirate is to sell tech. In this AAR, it is not allowed. I didn't realize this until I was well into the game and chose not to start over. But at least none of the competing pirate factions can do this either.

Automation:

I have set the AI to control my:

• tax rates
  population policies
  ship design
  troop recruitment
  fleet formation
  research

However I frequently override the AI on these, particularly fleet formation and research.

I have set the AI to only make suggestions on:

• new colonies
  new ships and bases
  new offensive missions
  attack targets
  treaties
  war and trade sanctions
  accept pirate missions

As you can see, the number of setup choices are mind boggling and there's probably a way to set it up to meet your particular play style.

And so our story begins....

[Mike Dunn]

2. Renting the U-Haul

Before leaving the comfort of home to become a space pirate, I stole a galaxy map from my high school library. This is the entire known universe:

My god, its full of stars!

Actually, not so much. There are five clusters of stars and lots of wide open spaces among them. I'm in the northeastern most cluster. My birth system, Jameniri (where humans are a minority, though we make up the majority of dentists) is the pink star and my new home -- the Colancia system -- is below that to the left (the small skull-and-bones flag). A closer look at that cluster:


Its a cluster ripe for pirating. Here is my birthworld of Jameniri Prime, home to 2.6 billion rat-eating Keskudon.


Trust me, I sat next to them in the high school cafeteria. They love their rats.

And who are these folks, the many-toothed Keskudon? I found this in my high school Galactopedia:

• A very old race, from when the Galaxy was a lot hotter place to exist. Dark skinned reptiles, of average height but an outer skin that is almost as tough as stone. Keskudons believe this Galaxy is their own, they claim to be the first race to have ventured in to the stars and were once settlers over the whole galaxy. They will not reveal why they appear to be just now appearing though. Keskudons see all other races as Trespassing, claiming rights on every system in the Galaxy.
  
  Intelligent and very aggressive, Keskudons cannot be trusted as all other life is considered worthless, almost seen as an infection. A slaver race, the Keskudons military leaders are considered the most powerful and well respected of their race, how many slaves they own is an indication of power. For these reasons Keskudons make very poor allies and are unlikely to seek any alliances other than to create a temporary cease fire to gather for an assault later.
  
  Keskudons prefer hotter climates, without a relatively high amount of energy they will become dormant and docile.
  Race Family: Reptilian
  Native Planet Type: Volcanic
  Default Reproduction Rate: +24%
  Characteristics: Very Aggressive, Slightly Cautious, Very Unfriendly, Quite Intelligent, Extremely Unreliable

Well damn, I thought as I flew my space U-Haul to my new home. The empire closest to my nascent pirating operation is unfriendly, intelligent and unreliable. This should be fun!

[Mike Dunn]

3. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

The GPS in my intersteller U-Haul conked out midway through the trip, but I still managed to find my new home: the Colancia system. Best known throughout the galaxy for ... absolutely nothing.



Yup, there ya go, nine planets, thirteen moons, and not a single one of them habitable. No wonder my uncle was able to set me up with a pirate base of operations. Its not like he was letting me in on prime real estate. Still, the system seems to have a ready supply of decent resources, including gold, lead, steel, hydrogen and helium.

Eventually I made my way to Colancia 4, around which my pirate base orbited. Pirates, you know, cannot control planet-based colonies, so our command centers are always based at space ports:



Home sweet homeworld.

When I arrived at the port, I practically crapped my pants. I thought Uncle Abe was giving me only a space port and some rusty freighters with more than 100,000 thousand light-years on them. Instead, my uncle gave me a boatload of brand spanking new civilian and military ships -- a veritable pirate’s starter kit:



Most were waiting for me in orbit around Colancia 4:



My space port -- my new home -- is called "Colancia Hideaway," which I'm not wild about. I decide to re-christen it "Nate's Pirate Man Cave":



Its a fixer-upper, to be sure. Hopefully the roof doesn't leak.

In addition good old Uncle Abe has set me up with three mining stations in neighboring systems:



The first two are nearby in the Colancia system. The third mining station is in the Menas system, which is quite a bit away. Maybe my parents hope it will entice me to visit home.



I backed the U-Haul into a space port bay and unloaded my stuff, then went an introduced myself to the sole scientist on board, Dr. Isaac Nachman:



Dr. Nachman explained he was currently experimenting with merging a Phaeraxian cat with an Keskudon alligator, but I order him to end that and focus on creating some new military weaponry.

"We're pirates now, Nachman!" I reminded him. "We have a galaxy to extort, intimidate and inebriate. Let's go!"

[John]

God, I love your AARs, Mike. You find some seriously clever angles. I'm laughing out loud at the "moving out of the parents' house" approach you're using here. I especially got a kick out the picture with the arrows pointing to "Me" and "Mom & Dad." Nathan, do not let that image get out if you want to be respected as a space pirate!

While Mike is running this AAR, let me take the opportunity to plug the game that it's based on: Distant Worlds. Do you ever spend time with 4X strategy games like Master of Orion and Civilization? Then you'll love Distant Worlds, which is very much in the same mold. It can be a bit intimidating at first, but the really neat thing about the game is that there you can set any individual system to be controlled by the AI. So if there is some aspect of the game that is too complicated for you or that you just don't like to handle, you can offload it to the AI. In fact, you offload everything to the AI and just watch the game play out on autopilot. I have done this - it's more fun than you'd think!

Distant Worlds costs $30 for the digital download version. It's a bit pricey, but it's definitely worth it. There are three expansions (Mike is playing with the latest: Shadows), and each improves the game, but the base game is plenty fun on its own. Give it a try if you like strategy games; I think you'll like it.

[Lions]

I love these AAR's, Mike, even though I never have any intention of trying any of these games. Maybe Nate needs to start a baseball team with a caricatured Keskudon for a mascot.

[Matt]

I get a kick out of reading these as well, though I have zero interest in actually playing computer games or even video games. I find enough ways to waste time. But being able to read through these creative AAR's is a bit of a fun temporary diversion.

[Reg]

I get a kick out of reading these as well, though I have zero interest in actually playing computer games or even video games. I find enough ways to waste time. But being able to read through these creative AAR's is a bit of a fun temporary diversion.

No one tell him ootp is a computer game!!! Shhhhhh!!!

[John]

I get a kick out of reading these as well, though I have zero interest in actually playing computer games or even video games. I find enough ways to waste time. But being able to read through these creative AAR's is a bit of a fun temporary diversion.

No one tell him ootp is a computer game!!! Shhhhhh!!!

What are you suggesting? That we aren't really general managers of baseball teams? What kind of fantasy world do you live in, Paul?

[Lions]

There's something very deja vu about the last few posts of this thread...

[Mike Dunn]

4. A Plan of Action

My goal is to become the best friggin' pirate in the galaxy. My plan is simple: one cluster at a time. As I pointed our earlier, my forces are based in one of five fairly tight clusters of stars. I will spend the next few light-years eradicating all other pirate forces in this cluster, and I will do so before venturing out to dominate the other clusters.

In other words, I'm not going to bite off more than I can chew.

First I dispatch my two explorer ships to two of the many unmapped star systems in my cluster. What I'm looking for, first and foremost, are independent colonies that are not allied with any of the major empires (and remember that thus far, I know of only one empire in this cluster).

Next, I consult my expansion planner to look for valuable resources.

Turns out that Colancia 4, around which my space port orbits, is home to several much-needed resources, particularly Caslon, which is the fuel for most ships. So, yes, my constructor is off to build a mining operation there.

Third -- I order my escort ships to do what comes naturally: escort my construction ship. Even though the constructor is not going far, having armed escorts will come in handy later when it ventures far from home.

Fourth -- I improve the defenses of my private sector vessels -- my mining ships and freighters. I cannot control these ships directly but I can order them to be retrofitted to a better ship design:

And because the best defense is a good offense, the upgrade I choose is to add a single blaster to each otherwise offense-less small freighter. This, in the end, will be easier than needing military escorts for each freighter.

I do this as well for all other civilian ships: medium and large freighters, mining ships and passenger ships:

But note the warning -- we are lacking in the requisite resources to actually do the retrofits for existing ships. This is fine for now, our mining operation has yet to get underway. Once the resources start flowing, the exisiting freighters will be upgraded.

While all of that is gettig underway, I order my scientist, the aforementioned Dr. Nachman, to begin researching enhanced shields.

He will also begin researching long range scanners, one the prerequisite proximity sensors are complete.

Finally, I order the construction of more ships: 2 destroyers, 3 frigates and 2 more escorts for some more offensive firepower, and two large freighters to ramp up my smuggling operations.

These are constructed right here at my space port, which has four construction bays. Later I hope to upgrade the port so that more bays are available. In the meantime, the destroyers are being built first while the new small freighters are cued. Also, I'm using the new freighter design, giving these civilian ships a single blaster for a bit of punch. My pirating military-industrial complex is kicking into gear!

To be continued...

[Mike Dunn]

5. Baby Steps

One month later, construction of the ships I'd ordered is nearly complete. In advance, I group the destroyers and frigates into my first fleet, which I will use to defend the home system:

So we're set for action, and sure enough along comes our first offer. A small planet in our cluster, the desert moon Chefoxe, is home to an independent colony of Ortains, who are seeking a pirate clan to defend them:

This moon Chefoxe is in the Jameniri system where I grew up, not far from my home planet of Jameniri Prime.

We bid on the offer and hope they'll accept our protection.

And exactly who are the Ortain? I open up my Galactopedia:

The race originally called Ortain were a small grey skinned reptilian race. The Ortain created machines in their own image specifically to do jobs and work such as war that an Ortain could not do as efficiently.

The machines were created with complex AI and eventually were regarded as people along side the Ortain race. The Ortain machines shared most of the same laws and had positions of power where they were suited.

Some event not described by history saw the Ortain wiped out as a species however the AI created by the Ortain lived on and filled the gaps in the jobs and power structure left by the cataclysmic event.

The machines considered and treated themselves as people amongst their race as the original Ortain had done, and although largely designed for war attempted to carry on in jobs they ill fitted.

The machine Ortain are an extremely paranoid race and can be very insular in behaviour. They are very badly equipped for diplomacy and fitting in with other species. They are however well equipped for war. Many still consider it their job to subdue other races because of in built behaviours originally designed to protect the Ortain.


Race Family: Machine
Native Planet Type: Desert
Default Reproduction Rate: +15%

Characteristics
Quite Aggressive
Extremely Cautious
Quite Unfriendly
Slightly Stupid
Quite Unreliable

Great, a race of stupid, unreliable robots. I'm not sure I really want to work for them, but hey -- as long as their cash is blue!

[John]

This is kind of cool for me as a Distant Worlds player because, while I'm familiar with the game, I have never played as a pirate before. So I'm interested to see how this deal with the Ortain goes. I'm actually kind of hoping it goes south; I'd like to see the fallout.

[Mike Dunn]

Part 6. Meet the Neighbors

I dispatch my two explorers to check out more unexplored stars in the clusters. My hope is to be the first pirate faction to locate independent colonies who can be controlled and raided, as well as abandoned ships and valuable ruins. As I've yet to enounter another pirate clan in this cluster, that goal is looking good. When I can afford to, I'll build a third explorer to speed this process, and then to move on to the other four clusters.

One explorer mission reveals the Wyoth system, unowned and ripe for the picking.

The other explored stumbles upon an independent colony on Tainerus Prime populated by the same Ortain machines who we met earlier on Chefoxe. As a mechanized race, they reproduce like rabbits.

Around Tainerus Prime are several independent freighters which (I hope) pose no threat to us. My goal is assume control of both independent colonies that my explorers have discovered: this one and the moon Chefoxe. Control of indies is achieved by a variety of means, including establishing mining operations, space ports, or secret pirate bases on and around the planet or moon. Our work begins.

But I need some help, so I ring up my cousin Stanley, who is actual the stepson of my mother's first husband, so he's not really a cousin. Still, we hung out while growing up, and he's been out of work for a while, so I figure he wouldn't mind commanding a starship.

Stanley readily accepts, and I award him the captaincy of a military escort ship, the Grand Plague.

Stanley's new ship is dispatched from my base in the Colancia system to patrol around Chefoxe in the Jameniri system. We need to make sure no other pirate factions come upon that valuable colony. "I'm counting on you, Stanley," I radio to him as his ship picks up speed.

"How do you work the microwave?" he replies.

[Lions]

I hope Stanely brought his own supply of Pop-Secret!