The Wrath of Cohen: A Distant Worlds-Shadows AAR

[Mike Dunn]

7. Looking Grim

Two weeks later, Cousin Stanley, commanding the military escort Grand Plague, has managed to make his way to his assignment -- patrolling the Jameniri system.

We also have other escorts and privately-run freighters in the area. Ears on the ground, so to speak. And sure enough, my command base around Colancia 4 gets the radio dispatch that I'd been dreading.

We are not the only pirates in this cluster!

I immediately ask for all known intelligence reports on this faction, the Grim Spaceways:

The faction is has firepower that is far less than mine, and they are described as taking a cautious approach toward us. So I am not immediately worried. Still, if they came out fighting immediately, I could probably kick their Grim ass.

Still, my military advisers are concern and want me to order some espionage:

Yes, my robotic secret agent Andy Droid, a special suprise bonus given to me by my uncle Abe. Andy, off you go!

I keep my fingers crossed. Success is likely, but if the robot is destroyed, I may have some explaining to do to my uncle.

[Mike Dunn]

8. We Are Not Alone

To recap, my burgeoning pirate clan is seeking -- as an initial step to galactic dominance -- to control one of five clusters. This involves eliminating all other pirate factions that stand in our way so I can basically have a monopoly on the underground economy. We are unconcerned about the larger, planet-based empires. In fact, it is my hope to sufficiently befriend and manipulate all such empires to our profit. Once I have eradicated all other pirate factions that set up in my cluster, I can start to think about expansion to the other four clusters

Thus far, only one pirate faction has reared its ugly head in our cluster. The Grim Spaceways, who don't seem particularly friendly:

And the Grim Spaceways faction are already proving to be a pain in my ass, with small skirmishes outside Chefoxe, which I'm trying to control.

I send my fleet there to shoo them away, and while there decided to raid the planet for some quick cash:

That's my fleet encircled in purple, raiding Chefoxe. Suckers.

Woo hoo! Natarran Incense. Not a bad haul for an easy raid. I love this piratin' biz.

Still my advisers want more money. Money, money, money! So we raid another indie colony, Tainerus.

Hey -- what's that blue-white dot to the right of the planet? I get out my telescope and take a look:

Hmmm. Very odd. Anyway, the raid on Tainerus Prime proves successful:

My forces infiltrated the Central Bank of Tainerus and absconded with nearly 8,000 credits, which exceeds last year's income. Its great being above the law!

Despite the haul of cash, we continue to have a negative cash flow. I'm not too worried at this point, since our resource extraction operation -- using our constructor to build mineral and gas mining stations throughout the cluster -- is just getting in to gear.

[John]

Hey -- what's that blue-white dot to the right of the planet? I get out my telescope and take a look:

Hmmm. Very odd.

A totally random and totally awesome addition to this installment. That was a hell of a drift for Captain Kowalski!

[Lions]

Argh, Matey!

I just felt this thread was missing that.

[Mike Dunn]

9. The Android Who Came in From the Cold

I reach out to the one empire that we've made contact with so far, the Jameniri, but am quickly rebuffed by their condascending a-hole of a leader:

Infants? You may come to regret that one day, I think to myself. But to this reptilian moron, I simply bid him a polite farewell. No sense in angering full-scale empires right out of the gate.

My 5-ship fleet (the #5 just below Jameniri) are coming back to my home base for refueling, repairs and retrofitting, as another military escort to the west. I want to get the fleet back to the Jameniri system as soon as possible, to ward off the Grim Spaceways pirates and ensure control of the Chefoxe independents.

And sure enough, we have another skirmish with a GS escort right outside of Chefoxe. The scum pirate ship hightails it out rather than stand and fight.

Hmmm. Thi is interesting. A military leader from one of the Ortai-populated colonies has offered to join our pirate cause. I accept him, though with a bit of trepidation. Can you trust an android? Especially one that can't smile?

As our fleet returns to the home base, some welcome news: the espionage mission to which we'd dispatched our robot spy has proven successful:

Then comes two more bits of good news. First, my reputation as a ruthless pirate seems to be growing, and with that come some perks:

Better yet, my finances are getting firmly into order, and I now have a positive cashflow.

I'm making money! My uncle Abe will be proud.

[Mike Dunn]

10. In Which Cousin Ed Joins the Cause

Refueled and refitted, my fleet makes its way back to the Jameniri system as skirmishes with the Grim Spaceways pirates in that area increase.


My cousin Stanley, who is commanding one of my military escort ships, asks if his first cousin Ed can also join in the fun. Ed was always a bit weird, but I agree and immediately dispatch him on a particularly dangerous espionage mission -- blow up a station that the Grim Spaceways are building!

"Its sabotage, Ed," I tell him. "Pure and simple. Don't mess up." Ed salutes with a wide grin, taps his feet and is on his way.

I'm worried about the guy, but not too much. Besides, my pirate clan is doing quite well. My finances are in the black, and I now have control of two independent colonies, Chefoxe and Tainerus. As soon as I can afford to, I'm going to build Super-Top-Secret Pirate bases on each of those planets to secure my control:

Our hold on Tainerus Prime is more tenuous. The Grim Spaceways clan may also have its sights set on that colony as well, so I best move quickly.

Meantime the skirmishes around Chefoxe continue:

Meantime our scientists are doing great work, and I immediately order all our ships retrofitted with this new weapon, the Epsilon Torpedo. I'm not sure what it is, but it sounds damn cool.

And then, as my third years a space pirate draws to a close, one of my explorer ships travels to an unknown system and comes upon another empire:

I immediately order an intelligence report on the Rotan Empire, and learn that they are made up of Enton. Friggin' Enton, not to be trusted:

Cautious and unfriendly. Sounds like they'll be annoying soon enough. Still, there's no reason not to start off my relations with this Empire with an offer to help. For a small fee, of course:

Not exactly what you want to bring home to meet the parents. But their cash is green, and its not like I have to have coffee with them.

[Mike Dunn]

11. Pirates Don't Cry

To recap, my pirating operation has established contact with two empires -- the Jameniri Dominion, populated by Kekudan, and the Rotan Empire, populated by Enton.

We have encountered one other pirate faction -- Grim Spaceways -- and we are vying with them for control of two independent colonies, Chefoxe in the Jameniri system, and Tainerus Prime. Both are populated by the machine race Ortain.

So who are these ugly Enton whose empire we've happened upon in the Rotan Empire? Once again I consult my galactopedia:

• An Enton in a slightly short humanoid with pale, greyish skin. They appear to have large heads for their bodies and move in a slow purposeful manner. Other races find Entons hard to empathise with in conversation because of their mostly expressionless behaviour.
  
  The Entons are heavily related to the Kiadians, the relationship isn't clear and both the Entons and the Kiadians have their own ideas why their genetics are so similar.
  
  They are an extremely curious race, in technology, other life and the history of the Galaxy, large parts of their industry are devoted to philosophy, science and discovery.
  
  They are also extremely cautious, preferring to observe in secret, partly because of a lack of trust in other species but also to not interfere with what they are observing. The Entons find other races to be very quick to fight, this observation has made the Entons grow cautious and be slightly more aggressive than they naturally are for their own defence although this is still much less aggressive than most.
  
  Enton structures are often very verticle in stature but also very curved. Most structures and ships are "grown" using engineered non intelligent life. This makes their cities appear very varied and random in design as each building has variation in it's own way.
  
  Entons live very solitary lives outside of their work, many jobs for an Enton can involve not seeing another Enton for almost their entire life, their only interaction being through non direct mediums of communication.
  
  Race Family: Humanoid
  Native Planet Type: Continental
  Default Reproduction Rate: +20%
  
  Characteristics
  Quite Passive
  Extremely Cautious
  Quite Unfriendly
  Very Intelligent
  Slightly Dependable
  
  Race Victory Conditions
  25% Carry out the highest number of successful Intelligence Missions in the galaxy
  25% Explore 100% of the galaxy
  25% Perform the Most Research in the galaxy
  25% Spend the least time at War in the galaxy
  
  In game terms the Entons will appear untrustworthy to others because of their constant surveillance. They need to keep the peace with others however and get a strong enough of an Empire to have the most research.

My immediate goals are a) continue to grow my economy and expand my fleet both in numbers and in reach; b) continue friendly and profitable relations with the two empires in this cluster and c) then blast the pirate clan Grim Spaceways all the way to kingdom come (or at least to the next cluster).

What I need to do immediately is build a second fleet and keep each of the two fleets patrolling in the area of the two colonies. This will ensure that I can control the underground economy of those colonies, and then build secret pirate bases on each once I can afford them (they cost 30,000 credits apiece!). Though my spies tell me that Grim Spaceways may have the same plan, as we spot a construction ship heading toward a nearby planet:

In short order two pieces of news arrive. Good and bad. Yin and Yang. Oy and vey.

First, the good: master spy Cousin Ed was successful in his sabotage against the Grim Spaceways:

Ed returns to our home base and does a little happy dance:



But the festivities come to an abrupt halt as Cousin Stanley, commanding a military escort ship, has an encounter with Grim Spaceways and comes out on the losing end:

I weep for several minutes, then regain my composure. I'm a pirate after all. Pirates don't cry.

Stanley, poor Stanley: rest assured I will avenge your death. Grim Spaceways will learn firsthand that they should not ever incur... the wrath of Cohen!

[John]

An Enton is a slightly short humanoid with pale, greyish skin. They appear to have large heads for their bodies and move in a slow purposeful manner.

Are we sure these aren't the long-lost entwives?

I weep for several minutes, then regain my composure. I'm a pirate after all. Pirates don't cry.

...Giving pirates and big girls something in common.

[Mike Dunn]

12. Revenge is Best Served Lukewarm

In the wake of the assassination of Cousin Stanley, my indignant pirate clan embarks on a period of low-level warfare with the dastardly Grim Spaceways clan. Neither of us is economically strong enough to mount full-scale assaults. Yet.

More importantly, we have no idea yet where the Spaceways clan is based, and we can only hope they have no idea where we are. Thus far, the Spaceways ships have been mainly hovering around the two independent colonies that we also covet, and none have been spotted close to our base at Colancia 4.

I summon my economic advisers for an update. And its a good one. I'm still in the black, and raking in tons of credits through smuggling. Note the difference between last year's paltry smuggling income and this year's:

So its time for shoring up my defenses. I send my first fleet up to the northernmost colony to simply patrol and ward off any incursions from the wretched Grim Spaceways pirate clan. I then form a second fleet out of three existing escorts, and dispatch them to patrol around the centrally-based Chefoxe colony. Having fleets patrol in orbit around the colonies is one way of maintaining pirate control of the colony, though starting construction of a secret pirate base is much more effective.

I then order up two more frigates and two more destroyers to add some punch to that second fleet. Those ships may take a bit of time to construct, so I'm hoping that the trio of escorts can ward off any Grim Spaceways incursions around Chefoxe in the meantime.

I name this second fleet in honor of my first fallen martyr, cousin Stanley.

My amazing spy, Andy Droid, is given a difficult task: steal the operations map of our pirate foes, the Grim Spaceways. I'm hoping that if its successful I will learn the location of their home base, and then their fate will be grim indeed.

And then, a more overt attack on the annoying Grim Spaceways: we launch an attack on a mining station that Grim has set up in the coveted Jameniri system:

But before we can accomplish that task, we get word of a tit-for-tat attack.

We have no proof, but I'd bet Grim Spaceways' fingerprints are all over this sabotage. If they have fingers.

And they further their annoying ways with continued skirmishes around our beloved colony Chefoxe. These pirates are as pesky as gnats around moldy fruit.

But if this tit-for-tat must inevitably come back to tit, we succeed with two major accomplishments:

Both developments are huge breakthroughs! I order the Cunning Mauler back to my space port for further study, while my cartographers set about examining the pilfered operations map. Both should yield a treasure trove of intelligence. I'm so pleased, I may call in Cousin Ed for another happy dance.

[Rory]

Ghost,
is this a game you made or a story your telling?

[Mike Dunn]

Ghost,
is this a game you made or a story your telling?

Hi Rory. This is a recounting of a playthrough I did of the science fiction strategy game Distant Worlds. Like OOTP, the game creates the story. I just embellish the fiction by telling it in first person.


--Mike

[Rory]

Hi Mike,

That game looks like Spore on steroids. Seems pretty in depth.

[Mike Dunn]

13. Breaking Good

As animosity between my pirate clan and the Grim Spaceways clan heats up, we get word from one of our explorers: another empire has been found:

They are now the third empire that we've encountered in this little cluster of the galaxy:

The Ipselun Conformity. Hopefully they'll conform to helping us out. This particular empire is cominated by the race known as Paratis. Goodness gracious, don't try to shake their hand. Again, from the Galactopedia:

The Paratis are a medium sized insectoid, having an exoskeleton with very few visible sensory organs. The Paratis are very passive in nature, although they live lives as mostly individuals who do not interact with other Paratis often they are however social in nature in terms of cooperation to achieve similar goals.

Paratis are not trustworthy despite their seemingly placid nature, they are often plotting their own advancement through other means than force. The Paratis often socially act out wars. This game is a combination of competitive, social and training that many enjoy. This game can vary in level of brutality depending on the stakes but is also a form of entertainment transmitted for leisure universally and their greatest heroes are often the best at the sport.

Race Family: Insectoid
Native Planet Type: Marshy Swamp
Default Reproduction Rate: +18%
Characteristics: Extremely Passive, Very Cautious, Quite Unfriendly, Quite Intelligent, Extremely Unreliable

Things start off on a good foot, er, claw, as they agree to pay us protection money. For our 'protection.' Yeah, that's the ticket.

Not long after, we get an urgent message from R5 Z5, Arzee for short. This Ortain, who volunteered to assist our clan, has been commanding a military vessel near the Ispelun system. Arzee delivers this intelligence report:

Wow. Hyperspace. That is technology the other empires lack, and that they'll covet. And as a pirate, its my sworn duty to get my hands on it and sell it to the highest bidder. I start drooling in anticipation.

Even better, we discover that the Ipselun system has an indie colony at Ehairne and they are happy to have our ships floating around them. I send a fleet in to raid the colony and establish a presence.

It goes well, and the colony quickly succumbs:

Problem is, there are plenty of others hovering around, mostly private sector ships, but we worry that the Grim Spaceways pirate faction will not show up. So, its time to boost our offensive. I order up some more frigates and destroyers, as well as some more freighters to help with our growing smuggling operation.

My order is actually half of what my military advisers suggest, but they're simply hoping to build up our military-industrial complex without regard to our economy. I take a more conservative approach:

Finally (for now), we begin raiding Tainerus Prime to eventually eradicate the Grim Spaceways pirate base there, in order to shore up control of that colony.

Because their secret pirate base is planet-based, and because pirate clans have no troops, and thus no ability to storm the planet, all we can do for now is continue our covert raids. I keep my fingers crossed.

[John]

Aha, our first hyper jump-capable civilization appears on the scene! Things are progressing. Steal that tech and sell it to the highest bidder!

[Rory]

Ghost I sent you a pm with questions on this game. I didnt want to highjack this thread.