By Scott Plack, Sports

December 8, 2007: New Orleans, LA – Get used to seeing cranes and hard hats at New Frontier Park because the front office has announced plans to expand seating by almost five thousand seats.  The expansion plans for three new areas to be created, including an expanded selection of cheaper seating which will actually lower the average price per ticket.

The first area that will see expansion is down the foul lines as seats will be placed closer to the playing field, thus reducing the amount of foul ball territory.  Newly acquired All-Star catcher Jeff Cline was all smiles when he heard this.  “New Frontier Park already favors the hitter, and with the reduction in foul territory it will only tip the scales even more, as well as what it does for the bottom line.”

The second and third areas will be what fans fondly refer to as nose-bleed sections.  These seats will be on the low end of the price scale, catering to the many hard-working families in New Orleans.  “If you see great baseball with a great atmosphere and a great attitude, it doesn’t matter where you sit,” quips superstar pitcher Conan McCullough.  “If you come on a night when I pitch, I guarantee you will see some great baseball.”

New Orleans will also be tweaking how and what they offer for concessions during the 2008 season.  At an increased cost, a fan can sit in a seat just below the nose-bleed section and get all the hotdogs, fountain drinks, nachos, peanuts, popcorn and ice cream they want before the seventh inning.  “People like buffets, so why not?” said middle reliever Lee Montgomery.  “If they had all you could eat Chinese food, I might even make a call from the bullpen phone.”

On the other end of the spectrum, the Trendsetters are putting in new “Sourface Healthy Food Stops”, named after star DH Ernest Conard.  The healthy food stands will include salads, fruit cups, veggie burgers, fish tacos, and other healthier choices like fruit smoothies.  Conard, who is himself a pretty big health nut, offered this: “Baseball and hotdogs don’t have to go together.  Why not stop by a Sourface stand and get a special Conard Homerun Veggie Burger™?  Or check out the selection of Sourface Smoothies™.”  Conard’s agent is also in talks with several food companies to gauge interest for a grocery line of health food with Conard as their spokesperson.

Nieves Construction, which won the bid for the expansion project, has its own unique ties to the Trendsetters Organization.  Rookie sensation OF Todd Hansen spent his summers in high school and college working for the company.  “Yeah, my dad told me that if I wanted a car and gas to make it go, I had better get off my lazy butt and make some money.  I started out as a go-fer before predominantly hanging dry wall,” said Hansen while reminiscing.

Along with the construction company, New Orleans will also be employing a separate security company to ensure there is no funny business.  Several rumors have surfaced indicating some teams would love to bury opponent’s paraphernalia (a Calzones hat, a Coal Sox dirty sock, a Statesmen jersey, a New Jersey informant) underneath the construction to create a jinx or baseball curse.  The security company will be searching each construction worker and will be patrolling the grounds in a menacing manner.  They will be carrying standard issue M16’s with the green light to shoot at anything suspicious.  Additional lawyers have also been retained to deal with the increased case load allowing security guard’s to carry and fire automatic rifles is sure to cause.

Construction will begin January 2, 2008 and will be completed in plenty of time for the season opener at New Frontier Park.  The Trendsetters are taking advantage of the two million dollars the league gave out as a reward to those teams who made a profit in the inaugural season.  The official number of seats being added is 4,700 at a cost of $1.8 million.  Season tickets are available to purchase, as well as many other package deals varying in cost.

“This season will be focused on reaching the ultimate goal: the Rodriguez Cup.  Anything short of that will be a disappointment for the fans and the team,” wrote Tanner in an email reply.

Come out and cheer your home team on, as they look to continue the Imperial league dominance in the PEBA.