January 11, 2030 – Bakersfield, CA

Bakersfield Bears right fielder Antonio Figueroa introduced several new nicknames to Bears fans this weekend in a series of tweets. Among the honored Bears are star catcher Steve McDonald, standout newcomer and closer Hsin-ta Lian, and touted second base prospect Ramon Guzman. When reached for comment, Manager Wayne Kedsch spoke of maintaining morale and rewarding excellence after a trying season that resulted in the second first round playoff loss in as many years:

“We know how hard these guys worked all year, and while I’ve never been a fan of nicknames – I always found ’em hard to track – I wanted to let the boys relax and have a little fun with each other. So from now on, the guys in the locker room will get to name anyone they think did exceptionally well that year and there’s no crying about the names chosen. ‘Course, you give these guys an inch… as soon as they started shouting suggestions I had to step in and tell them ‘nothing that’s going to get me into a fight with the PR department’. Took ’em a while to get on track with the names, but when they told me who they decided on I thought they chose well. McDonald had himself a career year, 4.6 wins the numbers dorks tell me. I think he was worth more than that – he’s been calling winning games for years now. His bat’s a helluva bonus. And Lian? Hot damn. After Duluth pounded his brains in game 1 of the year, I thought Vail might have signed a golden armed head case that couldn’t pitch under pressure. He proved me wrong every night after. Nothing shakes that man. He’s an assassin. A certified badass.”

These tweets revealed the names: