SAN ANTONIO, December 1st — It’s been awhile since last time we heard anything from Calzones’ front office. I’ve been trying to reach Simon Kuliszewski, but he mysteriously vanished soon after unfortunate events in Laredo in July (you can find full coverage here: link). There were rumors he joined pilgrimage to Holy Land few months ago to pray for San Antonio’s better results, but who would trust unverified sources like that.

Truth is no one really knew where did Kuli hide himself. You can imagine how big of a shock was for me when i received an email few days ago containing: “Meet me in Juarez tommorow. I’ll give you specific coordinates when you get there. S.K.” Pretty creepy.

I didn’t have plans for the weekend anyway, i could as well spend few days in Mexico if it turned out to be somebody’s stupid joke. But it wasn’t a joke, i actually met San Antonio’s General Manager in one of the worlds most dangerous cities, in the filthiest motel room i ever seen. And he felt safer there than in Laredo.

Simon Kuliszewski: „No one followed you?” – he asked before i could say anything.

Ricotta: „No, i did everything as you suggested”. Actually they were orders not suggestions. For example i had to put my cellphone into the fridge, shit like that.

Kuli: „Good. Man can’t be too cautious these days.”

Ricotta: „I understand. Why did you want to meet me? I mean why now? And why me?”

Kuli: „I always thought of you as a decent and honest man, Joe. I think the time has come to step forward and speak to the fans, try to explain…”

Ricotta: „Explain what?”

Kuli: „Explain the reasoning behind the ‘Tugboat’ trade.”

Ricotta: „Ok..?”

Kuli: „First of all i never wanted to trade him away, i knew he was our only star, but sometimes you have to make difficult decisions.”

Ricotta: „Are you kidding me? Aurora just won PEC and Randy was big contributor in that achievement..”

Kuli: „Do you honestly think we would be in that series if i kept Randy with us? Truth is we were .500 team with or without him. At least now we have 2 years younger starter (Junior Cook), great infield prospect (Jack Speed) and two early round picks for the future. We can’t compete sooner than in 2 years anyway and Smith isn’t getting any younger. Cook may never pitch at the same level as Tugboat, but good 2B is hard to come by. Sometimes you have to let it go and move on”

Ricotta: „It all looks good and well, but the timing for the trade was awful. San Antonio still had real chances to make playoffs back then”.

Kuli: „Our june was pretty good indeed, but if you look at the schedule, most of the teams we faced that month weren’t contenders. Also how many more wins we could hope for with Randy around? Five, six more? Still it would not be enough to make wild card spot. Also…”

<suddenly i heard gunshots and screams outside>

Ricotta: „What was that?!” – i jumped out of my chair.

Kuli: „Chill out, it happens all the time in this neighbourhood. Don’t look out the window”

<after few minutes of trying to calm down>

Ricotta: „Ok, enough of Randy or im gonna start crying. What are your plans for the future, how long will you stay in this shithole?”

Kuli: „I’m not sure if the people are ready for my return just yet. Maybe closer to the opening day if i can get few popular players, like Jorge Leal. What do you think?”

Ricotta: „He was pretty popular around here before you released him, but i’m not sure it’s gonna be enough to calm the mob down”

Kuli: „Yeah i thought so. I’m working on few other trades. I feel we’re gonna need good center fielder, a starter,  catcher and maybe another infielder. Also i lowered tickets price!”

Ricotta: „Yeah even the homeless can afford them now.”

Kuli: „Hmm, maybe i should rise them back a bit then..”

Ricotta: „I think so, yes. But what about those future trades you mentioned, any specific names in your mind?”

Kuli: „Can’t give you any names yet, but I’ve been in contact (using secure lines) with few general managers. One or two free agents coming our way isn’t out of the question either. Also i’m not trading away our best players”

Ricotta: „I think i heard something like this before…”

Kuli: „Yeah but this time it’s true”

Ricotta: „We’ll see about that one. Ok Simon, i think i have enough material for one article. Hopefully next time we’ll meet back in Laredo.”

Kuli: „I hope so too, thanks for coming. I will contact you. And don’t tell anyone about this motel, I won’t be here tommorow anyway”

Ricotta: „Sure thing, good luck and see you soon!”

Kuli: „See ya, close the door behind you”

Man, what an adventure that was! Return journey was pretty calm though, no one was shooting at me while i was crossing the border.

As always, Go Calzones!