Tricia Takanawa, Takanawa Times

11/18/2013: Seoul, South Korea – Just hours after Seoul Crushers owner Mark Kierstead demanded fans show up for games and offered the ultimate ultimatum of relocation, bad news seem to hit the organization again.  Several of the team’s most loyal sponsors have decided to ditch the club.  It seems the outburst from Mr. Kierstead cost him not only his fan base but now his market.  Below, we have a list of the sponsors and a quote on why they left.

Ling Momento’s Baby Spanx of Seoul: We live our life like our motto: “Fat ain’t that!”  When the owner opened his fat mouth, we decided to take out Spanx elsewhere.  Why push your fans away?

Local pharmaceutical Thorazine: When the Crushers upper management decided to flip out on the fans we thought our product was something he needed.  What they wont get is our future sponsorship.

Creepy Noodle Corp: Our dishes are for the fans of baseball and not for those who trash the fans.  Creepy Noodle is the best of the noodle industry, especially with our secret sauce and random placement of insects.  So we will bug off and look for a real team.

Nike: We as an organization knew as soon as Mr.Kierstead blew up on air that it was bad.  Not as bad as the Tiger Woods incident of a few years ago, but bad.  So before we find out that he has been doing anything worse, we will pull out now.  We wish the Crushers the best.

Heineken: As the only beer the stadium serves, it is in our best interest to remove our product.  Maybe Kierstead can find a simpler solution to quench the thirst of the few fans that will show up.  I hear water is good for the body.

This is going to be a huge hit to the finances of the team.  That soup was delicious, though.  This is Tricia Takanawa, and this is the Takanawa Times.