“Kudo and Kimura in the Morning”: Championship Edition, November 2, 2013

February 25, 2011

Japan's favorite sports show live at the Neo-Tokyo Cup (Editor’s Note: “Kudo and Kimura in the Morning” is ESPN-Japan’s daily irreverent look at life in the League of the Rising Sun. Hosting is the Ghosts’ longtime second baseman, 36-year-old Sadao Kudo, and his former double play partner, 35-year-old shortstop Naizen Kimura.)

[Cue theme song:
It’s Kudo and Kimura in the Morning!
They make sure that baseball’s never boring!
If you listen, you never will be snoring!
Oh, it’s Kudo and Kimura in the Morning!]

Kudo: Goooooood morning, sayonara, everyone. You’re looking quite chipper this morning, Naizen.
Kimura: That’s because today we come to you live from beautiful Koshien Stadium in Kyoto, site of the first two games of the 2013 Neo-Tokyo Cup!
Kudo: Yes, my cup runneth over…
Kimura: Sadao, I thought you never wear a jockstrap.
Kudo: Wouldn’t you like to know.
Kimura: Today, we will have live interviews with members of both teams participating in the LRS championship: the Edo Battousai, winner of the Bright Blade Group Wasei Junkesshou, and Shin Seiki Evas, winner of the Shining Star Group Wasei Junkesshou.
Kudo: Say whah?
Kimura: No, Wasei.
Kudo: Anyway, Kudos to both teams for capturing their division championships. Hah har har, get it – “Kudo”? Get it?
Kimura: You need some new material.
Kudo: By the way, Naizen, you’re about to become a free agent! Goodbye, Ghosts! Let’s see, you had a .230 batting average, a -3.6 VORP… boy, those offers are going to come pouring in. Your agent must be salivating!
Kimura: Well, as long as we’re talking batting average, let’s see where yours was last season. What’s this? .194? Surely that’s a typo! My grandmother could hit .194, and steal a couple of bases to boot.
Kudo: And she’ll spend less time on the disabled list than you, my good friend.
Kimura: Let’s get back to the matter at hand: The Neo-Tokyo Cuuuuuppppppp!!! Sadao, remember when we were playing in the Neo-Tokyo Cup? The media spotlight, the fans…
Kudo: The playoff bonuses. Yes, I remember it like it was just two years ago.
Kimura: It was two years ago. Anyway, let’s play that clip of Shin Seiki General Manager Kevin Vail talking about this series:

Vail (on tape): Edo is going to be a hell of a challenge. That rotation is the deepest and best in the LRS. The bullpen is very good. The lineup is stacked top to bottom and sports four superstar-level talents. There are no weaknesses on that team. With squads this loaded, it should come down to luck at this point.

Kimura: Now we have a clip of Vail’s counterpart, Patrick “Speedy” Hildreth:

Hildreth (on tape): The Evas are a tough nut to crack and I think the series is a tossup. Pitching looks pretty close and I think the Evas have an advantage with their bats. It sure looks like it’s going to be a real donnybrook!

Kimura: Okay, they’re both being diplomatic. Maybe we can get the gloves to come off. Joining us now live is a key member of the Shin Seiki Evas, my second favorite second baseman, Ton Matsumoto! Welcome, Ton!
Matsumoto: Thanks, guys. Pleasure to be here.
Kudo: Ton, you won the 2013 SSG batting title, hitting .337 this season. Now that’s a batting average. Are you the straw that stirs the Evas’ drink?
Matsumoto: Heh, heh. I wouldn’t say that. That would really have to be Dracula. Without him, we’re sitting home.
Kimura: Yes, we tried getting him for the broadcast but his agent said he never gets up this early! Must be nice.
Kudo: Yes, Dracula apparently only comes out at night. So Ton, tell me: Are the Evas gonna choke? Are they just happy to be here? This is Edo’s third straight Cup appearance; they’re used to the pressure.
Matsumoto: Well, you know, there’s no doubt Edo is a formidable opponent. But we’re going to play it one game at a time and I’m optimistic about our chances.
Kudo: One game at a time? Wow, there’s a great quote.
Matsumoto: Thanks. The reality is we’re both great squads, and in a seven-game series, anything can happen.
Kimura: What’s your prediction?
Matsumoto: My prediction? Nah, not gonna go there. I predict a great series.
Kudo: Thanks, Ton. We wish you a ton of good luck. Har har. Get it? “Ton” of good luck! Get it?
Kimura: Now for an opposing view, let’s go live to a key member of the Bright Blade Group-champion Battousai. He led the entire LRS in home runs this year. Please welcome “Homu-Ran” Nakamura!
Nakamura: Gentleman. Greetings.
Kudo: Homu-Ran, Evas’ slugger Dracula said he couldn’t get it up this early. I mean, get up this early, sorry. How did you manage?
Nakamura: My routine in the season is to rise at 5:30am for an hour of meditation. That doesn’t change in the playoffs.
Kudo: So you’ve been meditating today? Already? What do you think about?
Nakamura: I visualize. I see the ball making its way to the most solid portion of my bat. I visualize swinging. I visualize lifting the ball out of the park. Sometimes past the parking lot. I visualize it, so it happens.
Kimura: Wow. Ever visualize some of those hot young female Edo fans?
Nakamura: I just visualize hitting home runs. Simple as that.
Kudo: There you have it, folks. The secret to Shin Seiki winning the Neo Tokyo Cup is simply to keep Homu-Ran out late at the bars so he misses his morning meditation!
Nakamura: Sorry, I don’t drink. I don’t carouse.
Kudo: Stick with us, then; we’ll give you some pointers…
Kimura: Well good luck to you, Homu-Ran. Care to make any predictions?
Nakamura: I only predict a great series. Both teams have been dominant all year and we hope the series is a true showcase of the best of the League of the Rising Sun.
Kudo: Well said as usual, Homu. You don’t mind if I just call you Homu?
Nakamura: Not at all.
Kimura: That is all the time we have for this morning. We look forward to tonight’s opening game, and we will be with you first thing in the morning with a recap of the action. Sadao, any closing thoughts?
Kudo: No, I’m busy visualizing myself drinking sake with friends.
Kimura: Which accounts for your batting average…
Kudo: Enough! Say sayonara, Naizen, before you get into trouble. And to all our listeners — good day, and come be with us tomorrow for more championship madness (shouting) in the League of the Rising Suuuuuuuuuuuuuun!