UPDATED 9:10 a.m. – Original article after the jump

Tricia Takanawa, Takanawa Times

7/23/2013: Seoul, South Korea – Wow, my thoughts were right.  About an hour after my article hit stands, Eitoku “Mjølnir” Yamada has been released.

The front office has commented on this not-so-surprising news.  Owner Mark Kierstead stated, “We wish Yamada well and hope he never plays again.  He has been a wreck the last few months.  Players who go anywhere near him suffer from what they call the ‘Yamada Curse’.  Injuries happen, teams do not play well, and some players will not sit within five feet of him.  We thought he would have done better or at least helped the younger guys out.  When we took his team picture, it looks like he was constipated.  When we hold team meetings, he is munching on pounds of rice.  He has yet to show up to a valid practice, and it showed.  If I think he could have been worked out, we would try new things.

“A few incidents have occurred over the past few days that forced our hand.  He had skipped a game to go watch the Iron Man 3 movie.  He in turn was kicked out for bringing four pounds of rice hidden under his jacket.  The other incident was that he took the team’s travel credit card and made a purchase.  That’s all I am saying and we will have no further comment.” 

I caught up to Yamada as he was leaving the stadium.  He had this to say: “I did all I could.  I was having a bad year, the trainers here suck and that’s why I got hurt.  I did make it to a few practices but when it is lunchtime, I will eat before I go to practice.  Just happens they were done by the time I had finished.  The movie was nothing; they had no sign that said no food from the outside.  Now the credit card thing was a mistake.  I had paid for rice balls for the Ranma Pandas staff as a good gesture.  I just grabbed the wrong one when I left.  Those Pandas are a bunch of introvert personalities and prima donnas who think skill is all they need.  They practice way too much.

“Taxi!  Take me to the rice pudding store.”

Well, I am not sure what is worse: a rice addiction or that man with $16 million in his pocket?

I am Tricia Takanawa, and this breaking report was from the Takanawa Times.

Original story follows:

Tricia Takanawa, Takanawa Times

7/23/2013: Seoul, South Korea – Not everyday do you see a man sign a contract for $16,000,000.  When it happens, you think the player must be very good.

The date was 11/01/2011 and the organization was Shin Seiki Evas.  RF Eitoku “Mjølnir” Yamada was glad to get the contract.  His 2011 was topnotch.  Yamada was batting .319 with 28 home runs and 95 RBI.  This was his contract year; he needed to show he was good and was worth the money.  Never has a fall from grace looked so bad; kinda makes George Crocker look like a saint.

The following season, the descent was on.  Yamada started to slip up and decline since his pockets were filled with green.  On 11/11/2012, he was traded from the Evas to the Hyakujuu Shinkansen in a massive deal that sent money, players and draft picks to each other.  That same day, he was flipped from Hyakujuu to the Seoul Crushers, by far the worst team in the BBG.

Now you would think it was over; not quite.  Yamada’s 2013 season started with injury, keeping him out for two weeks.  He came back with average play and not the kind of attitude expected from a man who is due $16.5M.  Then he gets hurt again, and this time he was waived.  Not a single team had the slightest interest in him or his lousy bat.

The Crushers had almost half of their budget into a player not playing, so they sent him to the Ranma Pandas A-ball club.  You’d think maybe he can show a little interest and work his way back, but why?  He is getting paid either way.  Yamada is batting a sweet .167 with 1 RBI in six games.  I think I could pay a bum off the streets 16 bucks to play better than that.  The Crushers have yet to comment, but my expert reporting skills tell me the front office is rumbling.

This is Tricia Takanawa, and this is the Takanawa Times.