Roberta Umor, Yuma Sun

15 January, 2013: Yuma, AZ — The consortium of local owners who recently purchased the Yuma Bulldozers franchise included a ringer.  Emma Span is not from Yuma, claims she’s never even been to Arizona and owns nothing but the copyrights to her publications – two books on baseball and an indeterminate number of blogs about (mostly) baseball.  Why is she suddenly speaking for the entire consortium?  I phoned her at her home in the Big Apple to find out.

Sun: There’s a rumor here in Yuma that you’re moving west.

Span: Why would I do that?

Sun: To take an active role in the club you are part owner of.

Span: That’s so 20^th century!  I can’t throw batting practice, so any role I take with the club I can do electronically.

Sun: You’re not curious to meet the other owners, maybe tour the ballpark, meet a few players?

Span: It’s winter.  No one will be at the ballpark.  The players are all at home keeping warm.

Sun: It’s pretty warm here in Yuma this time of year.  72° today.

Span: Really?

Sun: Sun shining.

Span: Hmm, I was planning a tour of the old MLB spring training camps in Florida.  Remember them?  I’m writing a sort of nostalgia piece for the Times.  “Where have all the ballplayers gone?”

Sun: There used to be spring training camps in Arizona, too.

Span: And Yuma is near them?

Sun: Well, a few hundred miles, more or less.

Span: Hundred miles!  I get tired taking the A train across Manhattan.

Sun: So what interested you in becoming part owner of the Bulldozers?

Span: This guy contacted me… Bob Swansong or something.  Said I could fill the hole left in my heart from the demise of the major leagues.  He said I could get involved with the P-something league, the one Yuma’s part of.

Sun: PEBA.

Span: Whatever.  Anyway, that whole “hole” thing sort of hit home.  I need baseball.  It’s like a fix.  Without it, well, I spent a whole summer not going outside after the majors crashed.  That tells how bad I need it.

Sun: Why the Yuma Bulldozers?  Why not another team in the PEBA that’s closer to you, like the New Jersey Hitmen?

Span: The Mafia own a team?

Sun: No, they’re just named the Hitmen.

Span: Oh, right, I get it.  Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

At this point in the interview, Span began giggling uncontrollably.  I figured a change of topic might help get us back on track.

Sun: What about the Connecticut Nutmeggers?

Span: Huh?

Sun: Why not get involved with the team in Connecticut, the Nutmeggers?

Span: You gotta be kidding me.  Nutmeg, like the spice?

More giggling demanded a whole new approach.

Sun: The rest of the owners live here in Yuma, but they’ve chosen you as their spokesperson.  Why?

Span: Because I interview well?  (More laughter) Maybe because I don’t live in Yuma.

Sun: How’s that?

Span: Insulation from the media, less access, you know.

Sun: I’m not sure I do.

Span: Heh, listen, even I know the Bulldozers are a lousy team.  Most losses in the history of baseball.  Blah, blah, blah.  Maybe the new owners don’t want to be hassled by the local press every time the team loses another game.  They can just point to their spokesperson 3,000 miles away.  See?

Sun: I think so.  Do you intend to be actively involved in team decisions?

Span: I’m not entirely certain I’m actively involved in my own decisions.  I mean, I just became part owner of the losingest baseball team in history.  How smart is that?  No, I haven’t got a friggin’ clue what role I’ll be taking, except…

Sun: Yes?

Span: I can tell you one thing.  I won’t be doing any more of these interviews for a long while.

And with that, she hung up.  Another smug New Yorker.  She wasn’t going to make my job any easier, but to her credit, Span emailed me a few hours after the abrupt ending to our interview.  After a roundabout apology for hanging up, she wrote:

Baseball is too important to be left to the boys alone.  Women and girls need to be part of the game if the game is going to thrive.  That’s one of the reasons I write about it – to add a female voice to the masculine cacophony – and one of the reasons I agreed to become a part owner.  The league already has a woman GM.  Bravo for her.  Now they’ve got some women owners.  Someday – mark my words – there will be female ballplayers.  It’s inevitable and it’s good for the game.  Yuma is as good a place to begin as any.

Say what you will about her manners or her politics; the woman can write.