Yuma Don’t Want to Pitch Here!
March 1, 2012: Yuma, AZ – More often than not, we hear the good news of the Planetary Extreme Baseball Association and its subordinate leagues. The race for Royal Raker, the divisional pennant races, or who is in the hunt for the Golden Arm award are common topics of conversation within the media following the PEBA.
Rarely, if ever, do we hear about the follies of a league that boasts the best baseball on the planet. Turn on your nightly news and the horrific images of car crashes and terrorism are abundant. Click over to your favorite PEBA highlight reel and it’s quite the opposite: it’s all the good and little of the bad.
Well, all of that changes today. Today we explore the desert land of Yuma, Arizona: land of the PEBA’s very own Yuma Bulldozers. It is the land where the quality starting pitching has been even scarcer then a standing puddle of rain water in the dry rocky cracks they call ground.
Yuma is the home of eight of the ten worst seasonal displays for starting pitching in PEBA history (losses in a single season). That’s right – eighty percent of those top ten abominations came right out of Yuma, Arizona. In fact, four of them came in the same season! Sure, Yuma may be one of the fastest growing metro areas in the southwest and a hot destination for those looking for a warmer winter reprieve…
…but folks, Yuma don’t want to pitch here!
Today we explore each of these pitcher’s hellish seasons. We dig a little deeper to see where they are today, and how they feel about their place in history and their time in Yuma. Perhaps we can learn exactly what is in that Colorado River water that the players are drinking as we count down the top “worst” seasons. If we are lucky, maybe we can solve one of the PEBA’s greatest riddles: Why can’t starters pitch in Yuma?
SP Idris Gahiji
2010: Tied for 8th with 19 Losses
Gahiji rounds out the top ten, tied for 8th place for most losses in a season. It only took a little more than 134 innings for Idris to rack up his 19 losses. Drafted in the 41st round of the PEBA inaugural draft, Gahiji spent all three of his professional seasons in Yuma. He boasts a career 13-37 record and a 7.07 ERA. In this special season, 2010, Gahiji’s earned run average spiked to over 9.00 while allowing 28 home runs and walking an even 100 batters.
It was ugly. And the comical part was that he was not even the pitcher with the most losses in the league – or even on his own team, for that matter. In fact, he was not even the second worst! There were actually three pitchers on the Yuma Bulldozers who had more losses on their 2010 resume than did Idris Gahiji! Unfortunately, you will read about them today.
You heard me – forty percent of the top ten players for losses in a single season belong not only to the same team; they all happened in the same season!
After three full seasons struggling in professional baseball, Idris Gahiji hung up the cleats and called it quits. He recounted the off-season after his 2010 campaign when we contacted him for a quote:
“Ugly. Wins were hard to come by that season. I mean, man, we only won 38 games all year long,” recalled Idris. “I did try to pick up a minor league deal somewhere, but no one wanted to touch me. I felt like a leper. I guess I can’t blame them.”
Where is he now? Gahiji moved back to Cape Town, South Africa and disappeared into mediocrity.
What was he known for? He threw junk. No, seriously. He had, like, seven pitches, and they were all trash.
SP Dan Johnson
2008: Tied for 8th with 19 Losses
2010: Tied for 1st with 24 losses
Dan Johnson shares not only eighth place for worst “loss” seasons with Idris Gahiji, but he also shared a uniform with him during Gahiji’s three seasons in Yuma. The only difference is that Johnson is still there, and in a later season, he broke the record with an astounding 24 losses in 2010. This was the very same season Idris registered 19.
It’s anyone’s guess as to why they kept him in Yuma, but Johnson has finally been pushed to the bullpen, where in 2011 he tallied a 7.52 ERA and 1.88 WHIP in just over 100 innings pitched. In his Bulldozer career, Johnson has 29 wins to his 81 losses, an abysmal .263 winning percentage.
The sad part is that he probably would be a guy who could help hold together a bullpen somewhere else. Some scouts like his arm, and at age 30, he still could have a solid year in him now that the organization has finally figured out he probably should not be a starter. He is just stuck in that black hole of baseball called “Yuma”.
“I guess it’s better to be known for something than nothing,” stated Johnson in one interview after the 2010 season. “My loyalty is with Yuma. I know it’s not all my fault. I just want to get paid and I can only hope that my loyalty to our organization during these difficult times might end with some sort of reward – other than being known for the pitcher with the most single season losses in history!”
Management might have other plans for Johnson, however. Always the jokester, his new General Manager seemed to have different plans for Dan.
“Dan Johnson is still on our roster?” asked Bob Mayberry. “I thought we dumped him. I might have to hire a gumshoe to find Dan or figure out who screwed up and left him on our roster. I mean, holy smokin’ Dozer blades, the man’s, what, 30 years old? He probably fathered some of the rookies on our roster. Somebody get my assistant, Postema!”
Whether he is serious or not is a question for another day. For now, it appears Johnson is stuck in the Yuma Black Hole.
Where is he now? Johnson prepares for his 6th season in Yuma, recently awarded a one-year deal worth $600,000 through arbitration.
What is he known for? Johnson is known for owning two of the top ten worst seasons in PEBA starting pitching history. He has also had a grinder in a local family dive named after him, The Damn Johnson, which is a 24-inch sub filled with your choice of two sandwich cheeses and four meats, in honor of his 24-loss season. Finish it in less than 7 minutes and you win a t-shirt, two tickets to a Yuma home game and your name on a wall. No one has won in its two years – kind of like the Bulldozers themselves.
SP Diego Perales
2010: 7th with 20 losses
Perales is another one of the PEBA’s enigmas. He broke into the bigs in 2009 with all the promise in the world. Scouts drooled at the way that Diego could move the ball. His sinker would drop dead and his slider looked like a fastball but would cut hard. The problem was, as is often the case, his control. In his three-year PEBA career, he was never able to take command of the plate. That was perhaps his biggest problem in 2010, when he issued 137 passes (good for first in the entire league).
At age 28, Perales could still be considered young by many standards. He was fortunate enough to sign a minimal contract with a Winter League club, the Trujillo Alta Maracas, where his team actually won the San Juan Winter League Puerto Rico Showdown.
Diego showed a glimpse of what many had hoped for with this winter. He went 3-3 in 10 starts for the team, averaging 6 innings a game, a 2.70 ERA and a 1.02 WHIP. It’s a small flash of that for which Yuma had once dreamed.
The question is whether or not his Winter League success will translate into a big league contract next year. Perhaps a team with injury issues and the need for a back-end rotation pitcher will take a chance on Perales. With a career PEBA ERA of 5.70 (perhaps inflated due to the Yuma water), there will be worse arms in the league. The problem Perales faces is that none of “The Yuma Eight” have ever moved on to greener pastures… yet.
Where is he now? Diego is wrapping up Winter League commitments, preparing for his final season with Trujillo.
What is he known for? Sadly, next to his pathetic loss 20-loss season, he only has his current Winter League showing to smile about.
SP António Díaz
2010: Tied for 4th with 21 losses
Díaz showed much promise in his rookie season at the tender age of 22. In the inaugural PEBA season, the young right-hander went 10-14 in 32 starts, sporting an ERA of 4.87 and issuing only 42 walks in 188.3 innings.
While he did suffer a bit of the sophomore blues in 2008, he came back extremely strong in 2009 when he went 6-6 with a 3.81 ERA in his first 16 starts. He was well on his way to a 200-inning season when, on a summer evening in June, the 24-year-old tore the triceps muscle in his pitching arm, sidelining him for the remainder of the season and for the next seven months.
Díaz returned in 2010, only to become one of the “Fantastic Four”, as he posted an atrocious 5-21 record in 169 innings. While his control was still there, his velocity and movement suffered. His pitches all started to look the same, and he was hammered.
It looks like ownership screwed this one up, pushing the young stud too fast, too soon.
This could be the most disheartening story of the Yuma pitching disasters. António was given a second shot in 2011 when he was sent to the bullpen. 
However, since his injury, he has not been the same. For the time being, he has been slated as a closer down in Yuma’s Single-A farm club, the Salton Sea Kilmers. Whether or not he can work his way back to the big leagues is unknown.
The GM of the Yuma Bulldozers, Bob Mayberry, was recently caught off guard when asked about the future for Díaz:
“I’ve been trying to figure out a place where António Díaz would be happy. He seems unhappy wherever I assign him, but our scouts say he’s still not quite ready for A-ball, let alone the big leagues, so maybe we’ll start him out in Hi-A and promote him quickly if he shows signs of improvement. He’s not on our 40-man roster, so he won’t be joining us in spring training. My hands were tied with the 40-man roster since my predecessor had promoted so many ballplayers at the end of last season that I had very little room to maneuver. I could only afford to demote a few, several of whom were lost on waivers.”
Where is he now? He is costing the low-budget big league club $600,000 in 2012 to play with the animals on the farm.
What is he known for? Díaz was perhaps Yuma’s brightest young hope on the rubber prior to a career-altering injury in 2009. Now, he is known for nothing.
SP Dave Smith
2008: Tied for 4th with 21 losses
“Dave Smith”. You can’t get much more commonplace than that. What separates this Smith from the rest of the world, however, was his nightmare 2008 season with the Bulldozers.
Sure, he averaged close to 6.3 innings pitched per game in 2008 and only walked 50. However, with an ERA just 1/100th shy of 6.00 and 262 hits allowed, Smith turned in a 21-loss season for Yuma. Another inaugural member of the Dozers, Smith was given his walking papers when his contract expired after this terrible season.
Now, Dave can be found playing Winter Ball for for the Aguadilla Roadrunners, where he has pitched well the last three seasons and lived the dream under an insane $2 million+ per season contract to play in Puerto Rico.
Where is he now? He is sipping margaritas in his beachfront bungalow, contemplating a return to professional baseball next season and reading the book “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill.
What is he known for? On top of losing 21 games in a single season, Dave is also known for his wit and charm. Somehow, he talked his way into a $6.2 million contract to play part-time baseball. At least he is good at something.
SP John Wright
2009: 3rd with 22 losses
Wright’s story could actually be stranger then the moustache he tries to pull off. After two semi-successful seasons with the Duluth Warriors in 2007 and 2008, John found himself in the twilight zone called Yuma.
Wright pitched over 220 innings for the Dozers in 2009 and registered a mediocre yet respectable 4.62 ERA. The innings-eater allowed just shy of 1.40 hits and walks per inning, and by all accounts would have made an excellent fourth or fifth starter on just about any franchise in the PEBA…
… except for Yuma, that is.
In Yuma, these respectable numbers translated into an 11-22 record, which rank Wright third all-time for most losses in a season. The truly amazing feat is that Wright was the deciding pitcher in 32 of 33 starts, a number we may never see again in the PEBA.
Whether it was embarrassment or age, the native of Providence, Rhode Island decided to retire after this record-shattering year. At the end of 2009, Wright was at the top of the leaderboard for most losses in a single season.
Where is he now? We have no idea. It is rumored that he moved to a small home in Canada.
What is he known for? He was always the decision-maker and biggest loser.
SP Mark Cannon
2011: Tied for 1st with 24 losses
It only took a few outs more than 164 innings for Cannon to tie the all-time single season loss leader, Dan Johnson, with 24 fat Ls in 2011. In his three seasons with the Bulldozers, Mark had an impressively atrocious 6-40 record. That’s right – in his sixty starts with the club, he has only been the winning pitcher in 10% of those games.
Out of Louisville, Kentucky, the scouts actually loved this kid. With command over a tremendous number of pitches (seven, to be exact), the only thing holding this 6’2” hurler back was, and still is, his command. Last season, he walked nearly 100 batters en route to the most single-season losses in history. One win. 24 losses. How does an organization even let that happen?
Cannon received an early birthday present when, just before the New Year, he was traded to the Omaha Cyclones in exchange for a 12th round pick in the 2012 Amateur Draft. Perhaps a change of scenery will breathe new life into the recently turned 29-year-old.
“Thank God I am out of that hellhole!” exclaimed an unhappy Cannon when he arrived to a spring training workout. “I have no idea what the hell happened last season. I am looking forward to a fresh start, but seriously, I can’t say I am happy with the way I was handled out west. Good riddance.”
When asked about his record-tying season, Cannon stated, “I don’t want to talk about that. I am disgusted and I am embarrassed. All I can try to do is pitch better this season. If I even get to…”
“The virtue of owning the single worst pitching season record is that you can only get better,” noted his short term and previous GM, Bob Mayberry. “I hope Mark does. Had he remained in Yuma, I feared he might do some damage to himself. I worry about that with several of the returning players, so I’ve hired around-the-clock suicide watch personnel.”
Cannon heads back to the heartland, much closer to the land in which he grew up. The question is whether or not he will get an opportunity to showcase his potential.
“We plan on spring-testing Mark this preseason,” stated General Manager Jason Warnke. “We have a hunch that it may be Yuma that made Mark, well, Mark. Hopefully, he will showcase well and earn a spot either in the back end of our beefed up rotation or in long relief. At worst, he will get an opportunity to play every 5th day down in Lincoln, where he can regain some of his lost confidence. We would not have acquired Mark if we didn’t think there was some serious potential there.”
Where is he now? Cannon is reporting for duty at Omaha spring training in hopes of repairing his dignity, one pitch at a time.
What is he known for? 1-24 – enough said.
Is it in the water?
So what is the reason for the terrible seasons that starting pitchers in Yuma tend to put up? It cannot be a coincidence. Sure, 2010 was horrific across the board for the Bulldozers. However, there are just too many pitchers at the top of the leaderboard for single-season loss totals that come from Yuma.
Do you blame the front office and owners, or the management’s decision to just let the pitchers roast in the desert heat? Do you tag blame solely on the pitcher’s themselves? Or could it be something more? Is it the longitude/latitude of Yuma, Arizona? The drinking water? The desert heat? Perhaps the town is the nexus of a parallel universe or a black hole from which even a decent pitching prospect perils to injury. We may never know.
What we do know is that we could have some sort of answer one way or another in 2012.
Mark Cannon attempts to prove that there is something in the Yuma drinking water as he is given another opportunity in a different city this season (Omaha). There have been no Bulldozer record-holding pitchers who have escaped the Yuma Vortex to go on to newfound glory, or even mediocrity. Will Cannon be the first?
On the other side of the coin, GM Bob “The Builder” Mayberry tries to makes heads or tails of this “Twilight Zone” by silencing all critics and turning around the Yuma Bulldozers organization from top to bottom in his first full season at the helm. His goal is to show the world that there is nothing really in the water that makes players perform poorly in Yuma.
We caught Bob in a good mood outside their training camp facilities. He joked with reporters, “Fixing the water in Yuma ain’t an easy trick. It all comes from the Colorado River, you know. Starts in the fresh clean snows of the Rockies, melts and drips its way through 10,000 feet of rock and horse dung before it slips unnoticed into the Green River (which ain’t green because it’s good to drink), and then into the Colorado (which is Spanish for red, another color of water to avoid). Flows down to the Glen Canyon Dam, where it sits for a couple months in Lake Powell while suntan-lotioned Arizonans piss in it, and then to Boulder Dam, where it sits for a couple more months in Lake Mead while drunk Las Vegans drive their leaky motor boats around in it.”
Mayberry continued his geography lesson. “Finally, older but not wiser, the water foams its way south through Lake Havasu (even more suntan lotion and beer piss) to Yuma. By the time it gets to us, it’s not really water anymore.
“That’s why every ballplayer whoever spent a night in Yuma is sick. For some, it affects their pitching. For others, it alters their hitting, and for others still, their fielding. And a few lucky ones just get the runs,” he says smiling.
“What can we do? Blow up the damn dams? I may be able to improve upon management’s poor decisions in the past, but I ain’t a miracle worker!”
One thing is clear: It is either past management mayhem, which has been a proverbial revolving door, or it is something special about that water in Yuma, Arizona. After looking at the numbers, I would pay to discover the answer to this unbelievable and record-breaking phenomenon.
Let’s see if 2012 bodes better for the Bulldozers.