Joint interview article by Koukyo Juunin (team correspondent) and Shin Suitougakari
Sunday, April 24, 2011

Juunin: Greetings, Naha Shisa fans, or what’s left of you.  This is Koukyo Juunin bringing you a report…

Suitougakari: Hey, don’t forget about me!  I’m your partner in this article!  “Uncle” Iyou, the team owner, says so, if you must know.  Besides, ever since I was in Shisa Toons, I am the most popular thing on this island!  There’s even an anime likeness drawing of me on the team’s scorecard now!

Juunin: (sighing audibly) Child, have you no respect for your elders?!?  What is happening to our culture!?!  I’ve been covering baseball for three of your lifetimes… what could a twelve year old girl possibly know…

Suitougakari: I’m thirteen now!  I know everything!

Juunin: I’m sure you do. (begins to sort through his voluminous notes)

Suitougakari: Oh, look at you, you old poop!  You need notes!  Haha!  I have every Naha Shisa statistic memorized.  Go ahead, ask me anything!

Juunin: I will not dignify your presence by…

Suitougakari: Like, I know Mito Rin‘s AAA batting average has been .355 for the last three years!  Why Fees doesn’t order the manager Kijuro Yoshida to start him every day in center field, I’ll never know.  He can run like the wind, he can play center field better than anybody in the league, and his baseball smarts are unparalleled.  I learned that word in Junior High vocabulary!

Juunin: Very impressive.  Of course, power-wise, Min couldn’t hit his way out of a paper bag even if it was infested with a swarm of wasps.

Suitougakari: Oh, well for power we have Takanobu Yasuda making a bid to play every day for the first time in his career.  He’s having a great spring with 3 homers and an .871 OPS!  He’s also great with the glove!  I’m telling you, with him in left field, Mito in center and that platoon of Sugita Shigematsu and Tsuginori Ohayashi in right, no balls will ever drop in our outfield.

Juunin: Oh, face it girl, the Naha Shisa outfield is a disaster… worst in the league.  They’re trying to groom Razan Sanu to play center, and he’s looking awful out there.  It looks like his bat may be coming around, though.  Now, let us talk about the Naha Shisa infield.  Another unmitigated disaster…

Suitougakari: Speak up, Mr. Juunin… I don’t think José heard you, even if he’s standing right next to you!

Juunin: Ah, yes… greetings Mr. Escalante… very pleased to meet you!

Escalante: (speaking perfect Japanese) Indeed.  This charming young lady is going to run rings around you, Juunin… I see her replacing you as correspondent by midseason.

Juunin: (sputters… and can’t get any words out)

Suitougakari: (jumping up and down excitedly) Ooh, José, do you really think so!?!

Escalante: Why certainly… now why don’t you tell us about the infield, Shin!

Suitougakari: I’d be delighted!  Well, with you at third base, José, how can we go wrong?  You’re having such a fabulous spring with five homers and a 1.167 OPS.  Then at shortstop we have River Nichols making his major league debut.  He can really pick it at short and runs very well.

Juunin: And he has a body like a thermometer and hits like Dal Maxvill.

Suitougakari: Dal who?!?  Never mind… at second base, Shunsen Kakuta returns as the leadoff man.  I’ve noticed that he’s even more patient at the plate and I don’t think 100 runs scored is out of the question!

Juunin: Yeah, if he had anyone to drive him in… ahem… I mean, if we had more hitters like you, Mr. Escalante…

Escalante: The ones we have will more than suffice.

Suitougakari: At first base is another new acquisition, superstar of the future Kichibei Kumagai.

Juunin: “Of the future” is right… he’s not ready to bat at the top of the order yet.  Look for Kuma Yoshimura to take over after Kumagai falls flat on his face.

Suitougakari: Do you ever have anything positive to say, Mr. Juunin?

Juunin: I call them like I see them.  To wrap up the first half of this report, I have a scoop!  The Naha Shisa have just completed a trade…

Suitougakari: …with the Lupin Cliff Hangers.  Yeah, I was sitting in at the meeting. (Juunin looks thunderstruck, then defeated) The Naha Shisa traded AAA starting pitcher Soetsu Takahashi for AAA centerfielder José Serna.

Juunin: Indeed, Serna will never be an everyday player, but he is the best baserunner in either league and his defense is superb.  If he can hit even a little bit, he’ll be very useful… and when he is ready for the majors, perhaps later this year, Mito Rin can take his rightful permanent place in AAA.  Is that positive enough for you, Ms. Suitougakari?!?

Suitougakari: You are a sad, unhappy man, Mr. Juunin.