By Aron Rocke, Yuma Times

9/21/2009: KALAMAZOO, MI – Indeed, the news out of Yuma is dreadful.  “We’ve fallen behind,” says GM Jared Dobney.  “Now we’re trailing all of my brothers; even Joel [Dobney, Duluth GM].”  Yuma is on a 3-7 bent in their last 10 games and seems to have a bias toward losing.  Most recently it was to the comparatively powerhouse teams of Fargo and Kalamazoo.

Coming up for Yuma is a chance at final redemption: a shot at Canton and Brad Dobney’s Longshoremen.  “We have researchers looking into what exactly a Longshoreman is,” says Ja. Dobney, laughing, “but we’ve still not come up with anything.  We have a lineup and are trying a new pitching approach; we’re a little optimistic, even if we don’t know how to insult them properly.”

Said Canton GM Brad Dobney (when he finally put down his LEGOS and agreed to an interview), “Uhh, we gotta just keep playing baseball.  It’d suck to start playing football out there on the baseball diamond.  Other than that?  A gallon of milk, a head of lettuce, three hamsters and a bottle of hot sauce.”  Dobney seemed to get aloof after that, as he is wont to do, so we left him in his office.

“Sadly, there is no new strategy,” said Jared, finalizing like an episode of Scrubs.  “We will just keep trying to develop our worse players, sell off our better ones, and hope that prospects come along who make 1994 Manny Ramirez look like a sick bum.”