Preview of tonight's game:

Tonight the 3-3 Dinosaurs take on the 3-3 Bears.  While the teams are both starting the season with an equally mediocre first week,   there is a lot to look forward to for both teams.  Whether the rest of the league is paying attention or not, Fargo has put together the sickest, scariest farm system in the PEBA.  The Dinos have 15 of the top 52 prospects ranked by Baseball America in their #1 ranked system.  That isn't even counting two handsome pitching prospects in Wunderkind award winner Bryan Brown and the #63 ranked prospect (and best name in the PEBA) Lowell "Jellyroll" Tolbert.

Still, it is true that for some strange reason this game is very important to top officials in Bears management.  There have been a lot of false and ridiculous rumors as to why Bakersfield so desperately wants to win this game.  But let's set the record straight:  It isn't due to the fact that they know they won't be able to in the future – because they do know and accept that that may be the case.  And it isn't because of the rumor that Jude Pew and Pat Lilly hate Ramón Flores, because that rumor is completely true; Mr. Pew and Mr. Lilly do indeed hate Mr. Florez.  And it has nothing to do with the surviving bad blood between the Bears and Dinosaurs due to the "Cougar incident" of last season.  (If you will recall, Bears OF Joey Parks heckled Williams while he was pitching, asking him all game if he was a "Cougar" because he liked to sleep with young guys half his age.  Unfortunately Mr. Parks made the joke to Mr. Williams without knowing that Williams was actually going through an extremely messy divorce after his now ex-wife did have an affair with a man several years younger than her.)

The reason the Bears want this game is due to the gentleman who has been starting at third baseman for the Dinos – one Mr. Clinton Smith.   To say there is bad blood between Mr. Smith and the Bears is putting it lightly.  For those that don't remember, let me transport you back to a magical time (2007) and a magical place (West Valley City).  The Bears had just formed and Mr. Smith was a promising young talent picked by the Bears in the Inaugural Draft.  Clinton started off in AAA and struggled, batting .170.  But Clinton then had the audacity to ask to be brought up to their major league roster or be traded.

After ignoring his very public pleas for months, the Bears explained nicely to Clinton that, since he was batting .170, the only trade offer they had received for him was a fruit basket from Gloucester.  Clinton became increasingly disgruntled, and eventually became a cancer in the clubhouse.  He slept through team meetings,   which was not appreciated due to his loud snoring (and the fact that he actually brought a cot with blankets and pillows to the meeting).  He also disregarded other players' feelings by eating full meals during the game – while others enjoyed sun flower seeds, gum and chewing tobacco in the dugout, Clinton would snack on a full rack of ribs or a full salmon dinner with multiple sides.  While his teammates played through the sprains and bruises and broken fingers, Smith went through long bouts of seasonal affective disorder.  Smith claimed that he had a rare condition that required him to get exactly 12 hours of sunlight and 12 hours of darkness per day.  As a result, Smith declared that since he was not getting enough darkness in the deep summer months, he would henceforth wear a sleep mask during all Bears' events, games, and meetings – to be taken off only if he was up at bat or when he heard the crack of the bat while in the field.

This last event was obviously the breaking point, and shortly thereafter Smith was dealt.  Smith (presumably no longer wearing his sleep mask) will be found holding down the hot corner (and lobbing verbal bombs at Bears' management) with a 7 PST start time.