Needless to say, the change is anything but tasty to the large majority of Bakersfield fans.

Little is known about the deal brokered between the Bears and Yum! Brands, which bills itself as the largest restaurant company in the world. Many of you know Yum! Brands, even if you don’t know it. It owns over 36,000 A&W, KFC, Pizza Hut, Long John Silver's and Taco Bell restaurants, as well as all those Wing Street restaurants you recently noticed popping up everywhere (and likely wondered who actually would eat at). Holding steady at number 253 in the most recent Fortune 500 listing, Yum! Brands has over one million employees and in 2008 collected over $10 billion in revenues. In other words, it is a corporate behemoth. The only thing that is certain is that the Bears will receive a cash payment of $4 million in the deal.

While it can’t be confirmed, sources indicate that, during negotiations, the Bears ownership group “had their minds blown” by the Yum! Brands presentation. But it was not the 3-D power point slides, hip young kids modeling red satin "Yum! Brands" jackets or goofy face stress reliever balls that did the trick.
Rather, it was the endless platters of popcorn shrimp, wings, pizza slices, chalupas, biscuits and all beef hot dogs that apparently sealed the deal. An unnamed Bears' official reportedly remarked at one point, "I don't give a hoot what you guys do with the ballpark; just bring me more of those rolls!  Rolls! I need more rolls!"

Hoping to soften the inevitable blow to the fan base, the parties agreed to attach the moniker “The Chocolate Factory” to the field, in reference to the nickname it received during a recent Bears’ playoff run. This transparent gesture (which included Gene Wilder announcing the deal at the press conference) has thus far failed to excite the fans.

Negotiations were handled primarily by Greg Creed, President and Chief Concept Officer for Taco Bell. An obviously elated Mr. Creed detailed Yum! Brand’s plans to heavily cross-market their food products and the Bears. Specifically, Long John Silver’s has already released a statement promising a free small order of hush puppies after every game in which Bears’ 5^th outfielder Joe Parks hits a home run (he has 2 in 449 career major league at bats), while A&W has created a new concoction containing root beer and cherry soda and named it “the scandal” in honor of backup catch (and complete unknown) Chance “Scandal” Tidwell. Mr. Creed promised that this is only the beginning. Yum! Brands also expects to heavily market their products at the stadium.

Bears’ ownership refused to respond to members of the press who voiced concerns that Bakersfield is on the wrong side of a financial equation that is causing it to increasingly rely on temporary – and ultimately counterproductive – revenue streams. Late this afternoon, however, the team released the following statement: “While we understand the fans’ concerns over the increased commercialization of the Bears, we feel that this opportunity was almost as a delicious as a Taco Bell red hot volcano taco, and harder to pass up than an A&W root beer float on a hot summer day. We made this move with only the future financial health of the Bears organization in mind, and in that respect this move was almost as healthy as the new KFC grilled chicken. Concerns that this will in any way impact how we think about the Burritos are entirely unfounded.” When asked about the (apparent) typo, the Bakersfield front office had no comment.