| Head Case: Lilly Downplays Concerns That (Yet Another) Royal Raker Award Will Go To His Head |
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| Written by Bakersfield Bears |
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11/6/2010:
"If being first in OPS, first in runs created, first in runs created per 27 outs, first in VORP, first in walks, first in isolated power, second in Slugging percentage, second in home runs, third in runs, third in on-base percentage and fourth in total bases is good enough to make me a Royal Raker recipient, then I thank the voters. I guess," Lilly said as his assistants rubbed cream on his chest. "I am really proud. Just as I was proud when I garnered six Player of the Week honors. Just as I was proud when I was heralded as Player of the Month three times. Just as I was proud when I won my two previous Royal Raker Awards. Just as proud as I was when I won my All-Leather Award. Just as proud as I was when I was made an All-Star four years in a row... wait, Yuri that feels marvelous! Where have you been all my life? … Sorry, did I mention my two previous Royal Raker Awards yet?” Lilly swore to reporters that he would love to stay and chat more but that he was busy “going to see some kid in some hospital or something like that”. However, Lilly spent the next 45 minutes getting his ch’i “worked on” and doing what his agent referred to as some “light past life regression”. Lilly’s explanation was even less well-received when reporters learned that Lilly next headed straight for the airport to fly his private jet to Mexico, where he spent the next four days celebrating Sammy Hagar's birthday at his seaside villa in Cabo San Lucas. Then again, it could be worse. Lilly’s reaction was downright normal when compared to Curt Peterson learning this year that, for the first time, he was an All-Star. Peterson cried his eyes out when he found out he had made the team. According to Peterson, they were tears of joy and had nothing to do with the fact that he was watching Steel Magnolias when he got the call. "It's my wife favorite movie," he added. "That is not true," says Jennifer Peterson. "Curt is lying; he makes me watch it. I hate all of his movies." As proof, she held up a box adorned with hearts and flowers marked “Curt's Classics”. The box contained VCR tapes of Terms of Endearment, Chocolat, Sleepless in Seattle, Fried Green Tomatoes, Beaches and When Harry Met Sally." Peterson, who was having a career year as the 27-year-old closer of the Bears, had notched 21 saves, with an ERA of 1.21 and a 1.04 WHIP as of the All-Star break. He has always been known as a sensitive soul; despite having four future closers in waiting in AAA ready to take his job, he has taken the opportunity to mentor the young guys instead of concentrating on keeping a lock on the closer role. Enrico Rosado, José Díaz, Cary Bond and Samuel Davidson are all top picks that Peterson has taken under his wing. The Bears organization really appreciates his hands-on approach to help develop the Bears future bullpen, even if his wife doesn't. "Oh yeah, it’s just great. Yeah, do I think there is anything wrong with Curt having four guys over for sleepovers every Saturday night? No, it is normal; he is just mentoring them," Mrs. Peterson said as she puffed on her cigarette. "I am sure all that giggling and Twinkie-eating is really going to help them pitch," she added with disgust as she angrily put out her cigarette and walked out of the interview. Shortly thereafter, Jennifer was spotted moving out of the couple’s million-dollar mansion while movers were bringing in a gigantic foosball table and old-time stand up popcorn machine to Peterson’s apparent delight. Peterson was heard to remark, “Wait until |
