John's quick-hit film reviews: Winter 2014

[John]

Quick-hit film reviews: Winter 2014

• Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (1/15) - C. About as blandly competent as an action film can get.
  
  
  Pompeii (2/4) - B. Just as ash froze the bodies of ancient Pompeians, the so-silly-it's-fun action will keep you rooted in your seat. Pompeii knows it is a bad movie and allows you to laugh along with it. The actors seem to be in on the joke; they ham it up to (unintentionally?) riotous effect.
  
  
  The Monuments Men (2/5) - C-. ON MY TOP 10 MOST ANTICIPATED OF 2014 LIST. A boring disappointment. How can a tale of academicians rescuing priceless art from the Nazis be so boring? Strip all conflict and urgency from the script; you'll have your answer, and you'll have The Monuments Men.
  
  
  RoboCop (2/10) - B+. One of my two big surprises of the year so far. Expectations were low after hearing of major studio interference, yet somehow the reboot managed to not suck. It never had a chance of topping Verhoeven's classic; still, it manages to carve out its own niche as a cautionary tale of placing jobs requiring a human touch into cold, steely robotic hands.
  
  
  The Lego Movie (2/15) - B-. I'm notorious for disliking animated films, but I took a chance on The LEGO Movie and came away reasonably satisfied. I didn't find it to be the Second Coming as many others did, but a third act twist that brought the story into the real (non-animated) world injected some much-needed emotional stakes.
  
  
  3 Days to Kill (2/19) - C. Oscillates between "goofy fun" and "just goofy."
  
  
  Bad Words (2/27) - B. The other big surprise of the early year. I'm also notorious for disliking comedies, but Bad Words was genuinely funny and had surprising heart. If you like comedies and aren't offended by colorful language - really, really colorful language - this is one to catch.
  
  
  Divergent (3/18) - D-. Divergent is factory-produced young adult drivel. Credit for hitting every required YA beat, but geez. The whole world being posited is ridiculous, and most of the actors are replaceable parts. Only a quality performance by Shailene Woodley saves the movie from an "F."
  
  
  The Grand Budapest Hotel (3/20) - F. My lowbrow roots are showing. Everyone is loving on Wes Anderson's latest flight of whimsy. I found it dull and meandering, and I felt little of the charm everyone else seemed to experience. If your patience for "quirky for quirky's sake" is higher than mine, you'll probably enjoy it.
  
  
  Sabotage (3/25) - C+. I love a bloody good film as much as the next goon. Sabotage emphasizes the "bloody" while chucking the "good." The action is brutal and intense when it comes, which is too infrequent to keep you from thinking how little you like any of the so-called good guys.
  
  
  Enemy (3/29) - F. ON MY TOP 10 MOST ANTICIPATED OF 2014 LIST. When I have to go searching for help in figuring out what the heck the film was about, I'm probably not going to give you a good grade.
  
  

[Evas]

Were you a big Lego kid growing up, John?

I was/am and came out of the Lego movie loving the film a lot more because of it. They treated so many little Lego things with respect that it blew me away. Everything from having characters move in way that the actual figures can be articulated (as opposed to being bendy like in the games) and all of the Lego block details down to the right parting lines and ejector pin marks on the blocks themselves. All of that made me geek out in a big way. Plus I enjoyed the voice acting. I thought that Will Arnet did a particularly amusing job as Batman.

I went in to the movie with low expectations and game out very pleasantly surprised. I'd give it an A-

[John]

No, I didn't play with LEGOs when I was a kid. I was at the vanguard of kids who lost their childhoods in front of video game monitors. If I had it to do again, I'd have played with the LEGOs.

Did my lack of experience with LEGOs affect my enjoyment of The Lego Movie? Maybe, but it's probably more influenced by the fact that I just am not that into animated films. Like I said, it was that third act when they stepped out of the animated world and into the real world that really brought the film up for me. I will agree that the voice acting is top notch.

[Lions]

I haven't yet seen the LEGO film.

[Alleghenies]

I agree with Robocop, John. I was entertained. Maybe my expectations were at the lowest?

[John]

I haven't yet seen the LEGO film.

I am shocked by this, Frank. I thought you'd be there opening night. It really is very faithful to the property; I think you'd enjoy it. Make it a priority on Netflix.

I agree with Robocop, John. I was entertained. Maybe my expectations were at the lowest?

I think you hit the nail on the head, Timothy. I know my expectations were pretty low going in due to the studio interference. And of course, these reboots just smell like cash grabs. But I was impressed by director José Padilha's Brazilian action films, Elite Squad and Elite Squad: The Enemy Within, so that gave me a little hope. Padilha rewarded that hope with a solid if not spectacular film that, while not nearly reaching the zany greatness of the original, stands on its own two feet.

[Coqui]

I haven't yet seen the LEGO film.

[Sniff] I don't even know who you are anymore. [Sniff]

All three of my sons, all of whom either have been or currently are Lego fanatics, all loved it, from 14 down to 6.

[Bill]

No, I didn't play with LEGOs when I was a kid. I was at the vanguard of kids who lost their childhoods in front of video game monitors. If I had it to do again, I'd have played with the LEGOs.

Somehow I managed to do both, and squeeze in Hot Wheels and GI Joe.

I'm like most of the crowd, not expecting much but found I liked it. Plus it gave me a new way to torment my family - noting how awesome everything is in song!

[John]

I'm like most of the crowd, not expecting much but found I liked it. Plus it gave me a new way to torment my family - noting how awesome everything is in song!

For the uninitiated ...

Now picture Bill singing that around his house all day long. Now picture his wife drawing a cleaver from the kitchen drawer ...

[Zephyrs]

I agree with Robocop, John. I was entertained. Maybe my expectations were at the lowest?

I think you hit the nail on the head, Timothy. I know my expectations were pretty low going in due to the studio interference. And of course, these reboots just smell like cash grabs.

I read your Robocop review an instantly remembered your similar take on Total Recall.

[Coqui]

I'm like most of the crowd, not expecting much but found I liked it. Plus it gave me a new way to torment my family - noting how awesome everything is in song!

For the uninitiated ...

Now picture Bill singing that around his house all day long. Now picture his wife drawing a cleaver from the kitchen drawer ...

Trust me, a 6 year old is no better. . . they have more stamina for being an annoyance than your typical adult, I've found.

[Lions]

Some guys at work started singing this today, just to annoy a coworker who hadn't heard it yet.

[Bill]

Now picture Bill singing that around his house all day long. Now picture his wife drawing a cleaver from the kitchen drawer ...

Yeah, they pretty much hate me now...

[John]

It's 3:30 a.m. and I just got back from the most fun I've had at the theater so far this year. If you happen to be one of those who feels affection for pure, unfiltered action films, seek out The Raid 2. What a third act. I'm still scrubbing the blood off myself.

[John]

Allow me to extend two quick film recommendations. Jon Favreau's Chef is just a barrel of fun. A well-respected L.A. chef quits his prestigious job after a public spat with a popular restaurant critic. He travels to Miami and purchases a food truck, rekindling his love for cooking and reconnecting with his son in the process. The film is very much an analogy for Favreau's career (he went from indie darling to critically panned for soulless blockbusters like Cowboys and Aliens). Chef feels like a welcome return to Favreau's roots. It's funny, touching, and has one of the best soundtracks of the year (if you Latin music, you'll have a hard time staying in your seat). Chef comes out in limited release today.

An even more enthusiastic recommendation for Edge of Tomorrow, which comes out June 6. An army officer lacking any combat experience is thrown into an all-or-nothing battle against an alien enemy spreading across Europe. Within five minutes of landing on the beach where the battle takes place, he dies, only to reset to the morning before the battle. Forced to relive his death over and over, he begins to learn how to fight an unstoppable enemy. I adored this film! It's the kind of fun yet intelligent blockbuster you wish Hollywood filled its summer season with. The script is fantastic. Tom Cruise carries the film brilliantly. The action is thrilling. I laughed more than at most comedies. If I had seen this film as a child, it would probably be a referential part of my youth; yes, it's that good. Make a point to see it when it comes out in two weeks.