Cardinal Threatens to Move Calzones

[Matt]

by Michael Atwell, Laredo Midday Times

2/10/2009: Laredo, TX – Calzones owner Miranda Veracruz de la Jolla Cardinal today threatened to move the Calzones to Cleveland if the Calzones can not work out arrangements for a new ballpark in Laredo. Citing the skyrocketing costs of upkeep to the poorly-designed facility – including over $30 million in repairs needed after October's flooding – Cardinal made it clear that the Calzones would not stay in Elysian Field beyond 2010.

Speaking to waiting reporters after an afternoon meeting with the board of the Laredo Sports Authority, Cardinal did not mince her words. "This ballpark is a joke. It's a complete disaster. I have made it clear to the LSA that we believe we have grounds to break our lease based on breach of contract, and if a suitable solution is not found that will result in a new ballpark for the Calzones, the team will be moved. We have spoken to several cities but Cleveland seems to be the most interested. They have wanted real baseball in Cleveland for more than 100 years, and they are eager to accommodate the Calzones. They have promised League Park can be ready for play by the start of the 2011 season. I would love to stay in Laredo. I am giving the city and state every opportunity to come to a solution on this matter. But staying in that rat trip by the river is not one of them."

LSA officials refused to comment on the matter publicly, other than to state they "were looking at the problem".

Miranda Veracruz de la Jolla Cardinal, who bought the Laredo franchise at the inception of the PEBA, made her fortune in the adult bookstore business. Formerly a TV News reporter for a Chicago television stadium, Cardinal was fired shortly after her broadcast of the Al Bundy lynching of 1997, a broadcast in which she openly cheered and assisted the angry mob of women.

Unable to find work in the TV news industry afterwards, Cardinal returned to her native Mexico, where she pursued a career as a porn actress for several years, working under the name Isabela DeHoe. She quickly became a worldwide porn star, with her classic "Kiss and Tell with Isabela" earning her millions of dollars. After just 3 years in the industry, Cardinal retired from work in front of the camera to pursue business interests. She bought a small string of adult bookstores in Texas and quickly expanded. By 2005 she had acquired more than 400 bookstores across the United States, most of them conveniently located along interstate highways and close proximity of truck stops. In addition to her adult bookstore business and ownership of the Calzones, Cardinal also operates a legal brothel in Nuevo Laredo, Mexico.

[John]

So now we know who the owner of the Calzones is! PEBA owners include a cruise ship mogul, a golf club mogul, two brothers who made their fortune in a settlement with a trucking mogul, and now and adult bookstore mogul. It's all about the moguls, baby!