Featherheads Announce GM Hiring & New Vision

[klewis]

Serenity Summers, Jacksonville Sentinel Staff Writer
December 1st, 2008

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The Florida Featherheads today announced the hiring of Kevin Lewis as their new general manager. Mr. Lewis' résumé appears to lack any baseball related experience. So this hiring is quite peculiar.

I was able to reach Kevin Lewis for a phone interview. The transcript is as follows:

Serenity Summers (SS): First of all, thank you Mr. Lewis for taking the time to speak with me for an exclusive Sentinel interview.

Kevin Lewis (KL): It is my pleasure, and please call me Kevin.

SS: Alright Kevin, I'm sure this is the number one question fans will wonder once they hear about your hiring. Why do you feel you are qualified to be a baseball general manager? Your past experiences show that you never been involved in baseball at all.

KL: Well, I think I am quite qualified. If I was not, Mr. Streets would not hire me. I have worked and known Mr. Streets for almost half a decade now. I started out an assistant to the assistant's assistant director on Mr. Streets' cruise ships. 5 years later and now I am operating director.


SS: And what exactly is an operating director?

KL: As operating director, I am in charge of running the day-to-day operations of the cruise ships. I am responsible for activity preparation and coordination of personnel. Running a baseball team is just like running a cruise ship. You have to make sure you have the right people working for you. You make sure everyone is on the same page. Running a cruise ship is all about being a well-oiled machine. So with that said, I think I am plenty qualified.

SS: Fair enough. You mention having everyone on the same page. With that in mind, what is your vision for the Featherheads baseball team?

KL: It all starts at the top. Drew and I share the same vision. We want to set the bar... the standard for running a baseball team just like how we have set a standard with our cruise business. We reinvented the cruise ship industry. Not only did we make cruising accessible to all ages and walks of life, we made it bigger and better. We're like Las Vegas or Atlantic City on water.

SS: Please do not take offense to this, but how much do you really know about baseball?

KL: Well I do know a homerun is 6 points and you have 3 outs to get a first down... I'm joking! Seriously though, you hit a baseball with a stick. How hard can it be?

SS: I am guessing you are joking again?

KL: Maybe I am. Maybe I am not.

SS: So how much of your team have you looked over? Have you introduced yourself to the players yet?

KL: Not yet. But Drew and I have planned to host a cruise party where players and their families are encouraged to participate in. It will be a 7-day trip to the Caribbean.

SS: Sounds like a fantastic idea.

KL: Yes it is. This is what we aim to do in Florida. We are here to change the culture. We have a new vision. We want our fans to be proud when they wear their Featherheads paraphernalia. We want our players to be excited when they put on that Featherheads baseball cap. We want to be America's team. Correction: Since this league is international, we want to be a team that appeals globally!

SS: So how do you plan to reshape this team? Last year the team finished 4th in the Dixie division with a respectable record of 80-82.

KL: Building a team is like playing a game of cards. Poker, if you will. You got to make sure you have a good hand. Same thing in baseball: You have to make sure you have good players.

SS: What are the strengths and weaknesses of your team do you see?

KL: According to one fan, one advantage we have is that we have the coolest uniform and logo in all of PEBA. I'm not sure if that translates to wins though.

SS: Maybe not. But at least you will get the merchandising sales.

KL: Ha, I guess so. While on my lunch break, I did get a chance to Wikipedia some things. Low and behold, I found out that Farmer Field is a pitcher's paradise. So we will certainly try to use that to our advantage. Baseball America also claims that we have the 5th best farm system. So those are pluses.

SS: What about the weaknesses?

KL: I think the biggest thing we need to change is the team's mental outlook. Of course you can say we need another pitcher or hitter. But those things will come with time. The key thing we need to do is making everyone believe into the system.

SS: Well, I thank you for your time, Kevin. I look forward to reporting on the Featherheads this upcoming season.

KL: No problem. 2008 will be the beginning of a new era. This is where it all starts.

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I hope you enjoyed my interview with new general manager Kevin Lewis. In other news, the Featherheads have also hired a new broadcasting team. Not much information has been given at this team regarding the new broadcasting team. But from what I heard, their names are "A.K." and "Nelly". Word has it that Drew Streets has a master plan of how he will turn Florida into a world class organization. According to his spokesperson, it all starts with the hiring of Kevin Lewis, A.K. and Nelly.

[Duane]

Bill and Drew are ol' buddies from way back in the days of 50cent drafts

[John]

Bill and Drew are ol' buddies from way back in the days of 50cent drafts

For the record, Kevin, the "Bill" being referred to here is William Shatner, owner of the Thoroughbreds and (at least in our fiction) drunken, lecherous lout. I get the early sense that Mr. Streets is a little bit more together and sober than our Bill. But then, who isn't?

Another great article Kevin. Now you've got me looking forward to learning who the broadcast team of "A.K." and "Nelly" are!

[klewis]

Oh yeah Bill and Drew go way back. He (Bill) is one of our happy customers. He's always cruising around drinking and gambling. He calls our cruise ship the "Mothership."

[John]

The "Mothership" is actually related to David Ellison, the owner of the Kalamazoo Badgers. He's referred to it in several of his articles, although at this time we don't really know the full deal about that. Seems like something that may be revealed to us in time.

[Duane]

Bill and Drew are ol' buddies from way back in the days of 50cent drafts

For the record, Kevin, the "Bill" being referred to here is William Shatner, owner of the Thoroughbreds and (at least in our fiction) drunken, lecherous lout. I get the early sense that Mr. Streets is a little bit more together and sober than our Bill. But then, who isn't?

Yep, we love ol' Bill. He came to life at the first ever first year player draft as he encouraged the distraught GM of Kentucky and distracted the other GMs with his bicket of Landshark and witty banter. Although he was in disguise he was easily identified by some of the attending GMs, Since then he has ochestreated a few trades and appeard in various cities and countless strip clubs, oh and the soccer and softball games of local high schools in West Virginia . But he is real ... very very real