The new Marge Schott?

[Paul Moots]

9/17/2008: Gloucester, MA – The media-naïve co-owner of the Gloucester Fishermen needs some training in public relations… and quick.

New owner David Fingerhut was overheard yesterday saying, "We’re going to raise those ticket prices as high as we can. Hell, we’re going to gouge the fans as much as possible. They think we’re in a playoff chase. The only chase I’m in is how much [expletive] money I can carry to the bank!” Later when asked about whether he regretted his comments, the inexperienced owner retorted, "The only thing I regret is this season isn’t going on for three more months. You can put that in your pipe and smoke it."

Little is known of the ownership group of Fingerhut and Fingerhut. Since their purchase of the Fisherman, numerous rumors have circulated as to how they earned their wealth. Perhaps the strangest was that Benjamin Fingerhut has written, sold and produced several large-budget Hollywood movies including “Austin Powers in Goldmember”. However, deeper investigation has revealed that the wealth comes from David Fingerhut, who in 1993 was struck by a speeding Bentley of a wealthy trucking mogul while riding his bike. David suffered severe head injuries, but became very wealthy in the ordeal. The settlement was reportedly for over $25M — which incidentally is not enough to sign slugger Vicente Bernal to a one-year extension.

David’s wealth was managed by brother Benjamin, who reportedly invested over $20M in Enron stock. The sale of the stock reaped over $150M before the titanic demise of the power giant. Determined to duplicate their financial success in the stock market, they attempted several other business ventures including DVD2™ — a company that manufactured digital video discs that emit odors relevant to the scene in the program — and The Blowbee — a hand-held fan so powerful you can cut hair with it. The Gloucester Fishermen is their latest attempt to regain the financial glory of 1998.

[John]

I love articles like this that tie into the business side of things. A few owners have created their own "origin stories". It'd be really neat to see one from all the owners. I actually haven't done one myself; I should really rectify that.

Great article, Benjamin and David! I think you guys are going to fit in very well here.

[Ghosts]

funny, i heard the fishermen's wealth came primarily from fleecing "investors" in their new, but perenially not-quite-finished, latest documentary regarding the guiness book of world records.

hmmm.

[Paul Moots]

Indeed this is another unfounded rumor. Actually they accumulated more wealth chasing frivolous lawsuits and cozying up to political appointees. Money has it's privileges.

[Maulers]

Tasty article - well done, indeed.