What is going on in Canton?

[Coqui]

Tuesday, 08 July 2008
by Frank Terry, Canton Repository

7/22/2008: Canton, OH – Just when you thought it couldn't get any stranger. Oscar Holloway traded, three players DFA'd, Jing Duan finally claimed. Things in Canton were really hopping last week. But then, almost from nowhere, came the biggest news of all.

It started as a rumour. Something about a pre-nup no-trade clause. Reports were filed, papers were checked and lowlifes were questioned. Still, no news came. Surely this was not even possible, surely no one would sign a pre-nup that demanded an annulment should her husband be traded.

Well, apparently one person would. Christina Milian was spotted last night at the Chipotle in Jackson Twp. Milian, a fan favorite in Canton for her... femaleness, had no comment for reporters who flocked to the scene. Surely though, her presence is comment enough. Milian, seen here swimming at beautiful Portage Lakes State Park, is certainly still in the Canton area. Only time will tell why.

Another thing that only time will explain is the sudden shrewdness of GM Brad Dobney. Generally considered to have the financial acumen of Spuds Mackenzie, Dobney managed to save the franchise nearly $7 million dollars in payroll over the last two weeks. Dobney would not comment due to what he called "completely unveiled personal attacks" I have made on him in the past. I don't know what that idiot is talking about but if he wants to be a baby, so be it.

Finally, Canton celebrated mid-July with a sweep of the hapless Omaha Cyclones. New Chelsea signing Deco (recently absolved of the sin of playing for FC Barcelona) was on hand with Frank Lampard to catch the dispatching of the listless Cyclones. Lampard and Deco were both seen after the game posing for pictures with fans. Brad Dobney was also on the scene but his actions were directed toward his brother, Omaha GM Bryan Dobney, and seemed to be mostly of a song and dance that consisted of the lyrics "I'm better than you and I can prove it" and a lot of graceless hip gyration.

[John]

There's been a lot of attacks on Bryan Dobney's honor recently. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop...