Codgers hire new GM

[Codgers]

Members of the media, please welcome the owner of the Palm Springs Codgers, Hopkins Reginald Bunner.

Hopkins Reginald Bunner (HRB): “I would like to thank the members of the media and our fans for their patience during our prolonged search for a new General Manager and getting this press conference schedule.”
“I am here today to officially announce the hiring of Rob Sullivan as the new General Manager of the Palm Springs Codgers. The search was an exhaustive process of working through many potential candidates before choosing Rob. Mr. Sullivan comes to us with many years of experience having led the UBL Boston Red Sox to the 2029 World Series Championship before the league folded. Most recently he was the Head Coach of Ann Arbor Pioneer High School in Ann Arbor, Michigan where he led the Pioneers to their first District Title in 15 years. He has stepped down as Head Coach moving to the role of Varsity Pitching Coach so he could focus on his rapidly growing marketing research company and rebuilding the Codgers into a perennial contender in the PEBA. Please join me in welcoming Rob to the organization”

<crickets> as Rob Sullivan makes his way to the podium.

Sullivan: “I would like to thank Mr. Bunner and the Palm Springs organization for the opportunity. I would also like to thank the media and fans for their patience in getting this press conference set up. Joining an organization in the middle of the season is a daunting task. I’ve spent the past month learning more about the organization and it’s needs, listening to grievances from the players, coaches and fans while also trying to familiarize myself with the other General Managers, and players in the league.”

“It’s an honor to join an organization where expectations have been set so low. The team has won their division once in their 31-year history. That means there is only one way to go – up. All I must do is win the division or make the playoffs to be hailed a hero and drink for free in Palm Springs for a lifetime.”

HRB: “We are going to open the floor for questions from our media members”

Howard Cosell III from the Palm Springs Sentinel – “This question is for Mr. Bunner - There were many names linked with the job over the past several months. How did Rob Sullivan separate himself from the other candidates?”

HRB: “He was available. Let’s face it, the Codgers are in a tough spot. We lack talent and depth and we have marginal talent in our minor league system. We spoke to Joe Madden but he turned us down to open a tackle shop in Miami. Dave Dombrowski decided to focus on his Grandsons e-sports career and Brian Cashman said he would rather play in traffic.”

Cosell III: “Rob, what makes you think you can turn things around?”

Sullivan: "I figure if I can turn a struggling high school program in the most liberal city in the world around, I could do the same for the Codgers. We put 8 players in college baseball in three years after a fifteen-year stretch without a single college player coming from the school. How different could the PEBA be?”

Bob Costas II from the Palm Springs Journal: “Can you share your thoughts on the current roster?”

Sullivan: “We lack talent and cohesion. We made the decision during September call ups to release any veteran in the final year of his contract so we can look at some younger players and start building for next season. We have one marquee player at a premium position in Eric Nelson. We decided to take a look at Leland Brace, Jose Rodriguez, Masaki Sato, Matthieu Sicco along with pitchers Yoshiaga Nakashima, Steve Murdock, Takashi Yamaoto, Isaac Kennedy and Brant Haines. We are doing our best to dissuade OF Carlos Marino from exercising his player option and do not plan on bringing back Matthias Ouellette next season. That should clear quite a bit of money off the books that we hope to use to acquire talent.”

Costas II: “You mentioned Erin Nelson, I have to think he could fetch a solid return if you were to put him on the block. Is he a building block or a trade asset?”

Sullivan: “Too early to tell with Nelson, we will sit down with him at the end of the year to see what he wants. We explored offers at the trade deadline for him but decided to wait until the offseason to make that decision.”

Costas II: “What happened with the rumored trade of C Jason Etheridge?”

Sullivan: “It was too early in the job for me to make an education decision on the return”

Molly Mounds from The Athletic: “Can you give the fans of Palm Springs a reason for optimism after such a dreadful season?”

Sullivan: “All I can say to the fans is buckle up, there is going to be a lot of turnover in his organization. There will be no stone left unturned in the search for talent. We missed out on the International Free Agent pool but we will be players next season, same with the PEBA Free Agent and trade market. No job is safe, we have made a move on the coaching staff and will continue to review our staff and players. We are going to build an organization that can compete on a regular basis”

Mounds: “What will a team built by you look like? What style of baseball do you prefer?”

Sullivan: "I’ve had the most success building around pitching, defense and timely hitting. I love pitchers who can get outs early in the count but still strike guys out in key situations. Power arms and bats are expensive, unless you draft well it’s near impossible to have an abundance of both. That said, there are several ways to skin a cat and the bottom line is to stack wins in the win column. We will draft toolsy players and hope to hit on a few.”

Sullivan: “By the way Molly, loved your pictorial in Hustler. Classy and sexy.”

Mounds: “Can we schedule an exclusive interview for the fans of Palm Springs?”

Sullivan: “Check please”

[Arroyos]

Welcome to Rob Sullivan. Beware of the sticky stuff in the league basement--it's hard to get away from.

And farewell to long-time friend and fellow basement dweller, Denny. We will miss you.

[Shisa]

Welcome Rob!

[Leones]

Welcome Rob and best of luck with this storied PEBA franchise!