Yuma's History-making GM

[Arroyos]

YUMA'S HISTORY-MAKING GM


The two women sat in the Yuma GM’s office. The one behind the desk, Roberta Tipitina, crossed her legs and leaned back in the soft chair. The other, Yuma Sun reporter Roberta Umor, leaned forward from a straight-back chair, notebook in hand, and began the interview.

UMOR: How does it feel being the first woman GM in PEBA history?

(Crash! Boom! Scrape … snap!)

What the hell was that?

TIPITINA: Construction above us. Expanded seating for the stadium.

UMOR: Oh, really? Sounds like de-struction, not con-struction. … Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, so you must be proud, right? The first woman GM overseeing her first construction project.

TIPITINA: I’m the first?

UMOR: Officially, yes.

TIPITINA: What about Vanessa Chambers with the Ghosts?

UMOR: She’s Assistant GM.

TIPITINA: Still? I mean, I was an assistant just a couple months ago—

(Two laborers carry an old toilet through the Front Office and out the front door.)

UMOR: I don’t think I’ve ever had an interview interrupted by a traveling commode!

(They laugh.)

You were saying you were Assistant GM a short while ago?

TIPITINA: Yes, but—as you can tell—things change fast around here. In fact, the official PEBA website still lists me as Assistant. I suppose they just haven’t updated the web.

UMOR: Probably not. But now …?

TIPITINA: Yeah, now … wow. What a change. I mean, I’ve been running this organization since Slummings bought the franchise, but you-know-who was officially the GM and I turned to him all the time for help and advice.

UMOR: Even while he was in the hospital?

TIPITINA: Yeah, we spoke by phone every week or so.

(The sound of drilling.)

(Shouting) More often if something came up. Did you know that—

(Drilling stops abruptly.)

(Lowering her voice) Did you know he made all the trades up until very recently?

UMOR: Really?

TIPITINA: Yup. And he handled all the draft picks—every one of them, from right there in the hospital.

UMOR: How’d he do that?

TIPITINA: Computer, cell phone, and plenty of contacts throughout the league.

UMOR: And now that he’s back?

TIPITINA: Well, I still ask for advice, but he doesn’t make any decisions—refuses to, flat out refuses. Says he’s …

(Hydraulic crane sounds drown out Roberta. They wait for sound to abate.)

UMOR: Should we move somewhere quieter?

TIPITINA: It hasn’t been this noisy until now. Just hammering and occasional drilling.

UMOR: Is there somewhere …?

TIPITINA: It’s worse outside. Maybe … (Looking around)

UMOR: Yes?

TIPITINA: Maybe if we try Slummings’ office. It’s usually quieter.

(They move out of Roberta’s office, across the Front Office, to the Owner’s office. Inside they close the door.)

UMOR: That’s better. You were saying?

TIPITINA: What was I saying?

UMOR: Uh … (Looking at her notes) … about his refusal to make decision.

TIPITINA: Oh yeah. He says he’s retired now. Seriously. Permanently.

UMOR: Do you believe him?

TIPITINA: So far, yes. But … we’ll see, I guess.

UMOR: So, that means the 2035 rookie draft was his last?

TIPITINA: Yup. We worked that one together, from right here, in the Front Office. It was the first time in … gosh, I don’t know how long. More than a decade, I guess.

UMOR: First time …?

TIPITINA: First time we ran the draft together. In a l-o-n-g time.

UMOR: And the 2036 draft? Will you do that one together too?

TIPITINA: I don’t think so. He said no, said this was the last one, the 2035. I think he means it. I think he wants to retire.

UMOR: I think you mentioned that he was handling all the trades, too.

TIPITINA: Yeah, until a couple months ago.

UMOR: So that’s your responsibility now?

TIPITINA: Yes, and …

(Drilling goes on for a long while.)

UMOR: The trades?

TIPITINA: Oh, yes, the trades! Well, let’s just say I’ve made a few mistakes.

UMOR: Anything disastrous?

TIPITINA: No. Not yet anyway. (They laugh) But I did make a fool of myself.

UMOR: How so?

TIPITINA: Well, back when we were preparing for the Winter Meetings, the Alleghenies made an offer.

UMOR: The Alleghenies?

TIPITINA: Yes, West Virginia. Their GM is Greg Abcarian and we’ve done a lot of business with him. At times he was looking out for us, when we were really struggling. Nice guy, easy to deal with, but I had never dealt with him before.

UMOR: Because …?

TIPITINA: Exactly. You-know-who was handling all the trades. So this was my first negotiation with Greg. The Alleghenies were interested in a young pitching prospect we have, Armando Sanchez. Had a great season in Kivalina.

UMOR: Where?

TIPITINA: Kivalina, our lowest A-level team, up in Alaska.

UMOR: Oh.

TIPITINA: So Greg made an offer for Sanchez that included a draft pick, but I held out for his first round draft pick, and the deal fell through. Then just a few days ago, Greg makes another offer for Sanchez, and a couple other minor leaguers, only this time he includes the first round pick. But I said no. Greg pointed out, kindly, that I had just rejected the deal I proposed a couple months ago. Was I embarrassed!

UMOR: Why? You changed your mind.

TIPITINA: Didn’t look like I knew what I was doing, rejecting my own trade proposal.

UMOR: I don’t see—

TIPITINA: It’s exactly the kind of inconsistency you-know-who was being accused of his last year in the hospital. Proposing one thing, then rejecting your own proposal.

UMOR: I see … so you felt embarrassed to be making the same mistake.

TIPITINA: I worried other GMs wouldn’t take me seriously if I started changing my mind all the time.

UMOR: So, let me get this straight, you were not only being compared to the behavior of a mental hospital resident but probably also being seen as a fickle female.

TIPITINA: (Sudden laugh of relief) You understand! Yes, thank you!

UMOR: (Setting her notebook aside) From one woman to another—and not part of this interview record—let me just say that—

(Crash! Then a long scraping sound muffles whatever Roberta Umor said to Roberta Tipitina.)

TIPITINA: Thank you for that.

UMOR: Of course. (Picking up her notebook) So, let’s get back to the subject. How is, uh, you-know-who’s health?

TIPITINA: Seems fine. He’s cheerful, swimming and walking every day, visits a local diner where he used to hang out before—well, before he relocated. Seems happy.

UMOR: And you? How are you dealing with the new stress of responsibility?

TIPITINA: (Laughing) Not so well. Especially not after my recent gaffe. I’m not sleeping as much as I should. And I think I’m losing weight, but I’m afraid to step on a scale, so … I don’t know for sure.

UMOR: What plans do you have for the Arroyos—

(Drilling again. Ceases after a few seconds.)

Not really much quieter in here, is it? (Tipitina shrugs) Okay, well, uh, about your plans. Now that it’s your ball club to manage, what’s on the agenda?

TIPITINA: Getting out of the cellar? (Laughs) That would be nice.

UMOR: How do you plan to do that?

TIPITINA: Well, first we solved our financial crisis—a crisis I created through some bad trades, taking on too much salary, and then because we didn’t hire a replacement accounting firm right away, the whole thing snowballed until we were more than 30 million in the red.

UMOR: Thirty mil?!?

TIPITINA: More money than any of us here in the office can even imagine.

UMOR: What’d you do?

TIPITINA: Dumped salary—that’s what they call it when you trade away high salaried players.

UMOR: Like Luis Cedeño?

TIPITINA: His 40 million dollar salary was killing us. Tempe generously took him off our hands.

UMOR: Tempe …?

TIPITINA: The Tempe Knights.

UMOR: Right. That must have cost you a pretty penny.

TIPITINA: It did. A talented young pitcher, Ju-ao Zou, and a first round draft pick.

UMOR: That’s a lot to trade away!

TIPITINA: Forty million is a lot to save. Our finances rebounded instantly, and (Pointing up where the sounds came from) we have enough money to invest in the stadium expansion.

(Both look up, expecting more noise.)

UMOR: Since we seem to be enjoying a lull in construction, tell me about it. What changes are you making to the stadium?

(Crash! Scraping sounds, which fade out quickly.)

I think they heard us talking about them. (They laugh) You were about to tell us about the very noisy changes going on right above us.

TIPITINA: I really apologize about the noise. I had no idea today—

(More scraping.)

UMOR: All part of the job. You were saying, or about to say?

TIPITINA: Yes, we are adding seats, about 10,000, along with new and expanded restrooms and a few more food choices. Nothing fancy, but the additional seating we thought would help us out financially.

UMOR: You also lowered ticket prices, right?

TIPITINA: About fifteen percent.

UMOR: Your projected additional ticket sales will cover the loss from the price cut?

TIPITINA: So far, season ticket sales are up almost 20 percent, so we’re optimistic at this point.

(Hammering.)

UMOR: Ah, yes, there’s the hammering, I knew we were missing something.

(They pause, hammering finishes.)

Well, given the amount of noise, those new seats should be ready for Opening Day.

TIPITINA: They better be! Or we’re suing the contractors.

UMOR: Good luck with that! And good luck with your first season at the helm.

TIPITINA: Thank you.

(More hammering.)

UMOR: I recommend earplugs for the duration.

TIPITINA: What?

(Overwhelming noise ends interview.)