The Ballad of Sturm and Drang

[KenH]

Woe be those who stand in their way!

There one may gnash their teeth and shed stinging tears,

But the gods will not answer their prayers –

For they are forsook in Wotan’s eyes, the lamentable opponents,

Frenzied in the knowledge of the Götterdämmerung.

Two great dark pillars rose in Oktober, separated by mere days and half the earth.

First, from the black waters of Ertveldplas – the herbst winds spake

Of a great dread taking the form of just a babe: Drang.

Van Wondel was the family, the youngest of a brood. Hearty and hale.

The erdblut ruptured, seizing and boiling running ‘neath the ozean,

Screaming to the surface a second time, the elements forged unto the earth its second son:

Sturm.

This time among the line of Knopp, along the ancient tributary of mighty Monogahela,

A specimen of speed and skill, Sturm to match the mighty hammer of Drang.

Opposing forces pushed apart and grew closer together

Tremble and despair, ye contemptuous villains of the game,

You have yet to roil and gnash, but the time is coming...

This “poem” was hand-painted on seventeen poster boards on the side of the Featherheads’ front office.

Originally feared to be graffiti or the ramblings of some mad man, it was instead placed by none other than Florida Featherheads superfan, Henrik “The German Shaman” Vanderhoorn – a 20-year season ticketholder. You wouldn't be the first to assume he was also a bit mad.

Gordon "Sturm" Knopp

Vanderhoorn is known around Jacksonville due to his deep Bavarian accent and his constant call-ins to talk radio programs like the Bog Boys to discuss his favorite team. He’s noticeable at the park as well as he carries a boombox with him which blares the game and, despite being over 70, has long dreadlocks interweaved with beads and other charms – many of which are said to bring good luck to the team. Many have, in fact, even caught on to the nicknames given to two of the young soon-to-be superstars Knopp and van Wondel, already christening them the sobriquets bequeathed them in the poem.

Will they stick? That’s yet to be seen, but there’s already a mess of merchandise available online – much of which has a decidedly ominous vibe of rain clouds, lightening and shadows stretched over the faces of the two young phenoms.

Vito "Drang" van Wondel

It’s an odd choice for the two young players in what is one of the sunniest locales in PEBA, but it seems to be fitting for the two.

“Personally, I love it,” said Gordon Knopp when reached for comment. “I also love Florida fans for their larger-than-life personalities. I can’t wait to see them in person – hopefully sooner rather than later!”

“Is very good,” said Vito van Wondel. “I like to play the game the right way and getting to play beside Gordon is very exciting. I do think we will be like, as the poem say, sturm und drang.”

While Knopp and van Wondel are not expected to start the year with the club (and indeed may not even see them in a Featherheads uniform until 2033 or 34) they have already made their presences felt. Fans bought out all Mexicali van Wondel and Knopp game day jerseys with all money going to local charities. Expect the excitement surrounding these two to only grow as time goes on and they inch closer to their respective starts in Jacksonville.

Reaching Vanderhoorn for comment, he spoke only about replacing the charms in his dreadlocks for the 2032 campaign after the horrible luck of last season. He seemingly forgot about the giant sign he had made.