Yuma will Doze with Bulls no more!

[Arroyos]

Yuma will Doze with Bulls no more!

Just two days before PEBA’s annual Winter Meetings, Yuma owner Taffy Slummings called a staff meeting to select a new name for the franchise. Slummings produced a list of approved names nominated by fans and Front Office personnel. He'd already eliminated names he could not bear to adorn his club—like Prisoners and Rattlers—so he was feeling confident that whatever the staff chose he would be happy with, especially since he himself had added no fewer than five names to the final list!

When he entered the Front Office, he was carrying a basket of fresh, warm, fragrant scones. Oohs and aahs rose from the assembled staff as the basket passed from hand to hand. When it arrived in the hands of the Acting GM Roberta Tipitina, she looked at Slummings and asked, “You trying to buy us off?”

“No,” the bearded old man said smiling, “but it’s not a bad idea.”

“You just don’t want to have to pay out on your promise, do you?”

“Promise?” Slummings said, feigning ignorance.

“Two thousand for the winning name?” Roberta reminded him.

“Oh, that. A pittance. I already folded it into the new season’s budget. Under promotions.”

“Promotions!” Roberta chortled. “That’s for give-aways to the fans, not prizes for the staff.”

“What makes you think a staff member is going to win?” Slummings asked.

Roberta pointed at the list of names tacked to the bulletin board. “Only six names up there weren’t submitted by staff, and I’ll bet you added those, right?”

“Six?” Slummings said taken aback. “I only submitted five.”

Laughter rolled through the Front Office.

“Bribing us with scones AND stuffing the ballot box! Why didn’t you just pick the name yourself?”

Slummings flushed, shook his head, then said, “I got as much right as anyone to submit names.”

“More,” Roberta interrupted.

“Yeah, more. I had five I liked, so I made sure they were on the list. Five out of twenty-five. That’s hardly ballot stuffing.”

“One in five,” the assistant to the GM, Denise, said. “I’ll take those odds!”

“How many did you submit?” Slummings asked.

“Three,” Denise answered.

“And you?” Slummings turned back to Roberta. “How many did you put in?”

Roberta laughed. “You got me,” she said, then took a big bite of her scone. With her mouth full of dough and raisins and dates and nuts, she said, “Tasty buns you got, Slummings.”

The staff roared again. Slummings blushed. Then Roberta realized what she had said and tried to correct herself. “You brought, I mean. The buns you brought.” Then she laughed too.

When the room calmed down, Slummings announced that it was time to vote. “Vote as often as you like,” he said, “this is an open democracy. We’ll begin by eliminating any that get no more than one vote. Ready?”

He started through the list, asking for a show of hands, and writing down the totals as he went. In a few minutes, they had eliminated 16 names, including all five of Slummings’ own nominees.

He looked perplexed. “Nobody likes Flow? Or Los Desiertos?” Several staff shook their heads. “Really?”

“Were those two of your nominees?” Roberta asked. Slummings scowled at her. “Guess that’s my answer,” she said.

Slummings shrugged and read the names of the nine surviving nominees:

River Rats
Rios
Coyotes
Desert Rats
Arroyos
Playas
Mojave
Sand Dunes
Montañas

“Alright,” he announced, “we vote again, but only one vote per person.”

“What happened to the open democracy?” Roberta teased.

“Gotta make a decision,” Slummings said, beginning to regret he’d chosen to ask the staff to make this decision. With all his nominated names eliminated, he wasn’t feeling so confident. But he continued.

The second vote revealed two clear favorites: Arroyos and River Rats. Slummings was relieved. He could live with either, saw advantages to both. Feeling generous, he announced that the nominators of both names would be rewarded. “Two grand, as agreed upon, for first place, and for the runner-up a game of their choice to be enjoyed from the Owner’s Box.”

A small cheer arose from the staff.

“Good,” Slummings said, “let’s do it. Secret ballots for the final vote to determine the new name of our team.”

He passed out slips of paper and waited, watching his employees write down their favorite name for the team they worked for. Maybe, he thought, it wasn’t such a bad idea to include them after all.

When he noticed several people folding up their slips of paper, he passed around the empty scone basket to collect their votes. Then, before reading the votes aloud, he asked, “Who nominated River Rats?”

No one moved. No one spoke. Then, reluctantly, Roberta raised her hand and the staff—who were really her staff—applauded.

Slummings smiled. “Seems like you were more successful stuffing the ballot box than I was.”

“Yes, boss,” Roberta said contritely, then laughed.

“And Arroyos?” Slummings asked. “Who submitted that?”

Denise raised her hand quickly. The staff applauded again.

“Good, good,” Slummings said. “It’s a win-win for us Yuman Beings.”

Then he began reading out the votes. There was no drama. The first three votes went to Arroyos and the majority of the remaining votes as well.

“Arroyos it is,” Slummings announced to applause. “You now all work for the Yuma Arroyos!”

A cheer went up. Slummings leaned over to Roberta. “Since you have use of the Owner’s Box anytime you want, Madam GM, I’ll sweeten your paycheck with a small bonus.”

“And Denise’s paycheck?” Roberta countered. “Should we add a bonus to her next paycheck?”

“No, I’ll write her a personal check. First thing after the Winter Meetings.”

“You’ll announce the new name there?” Roberta asked.

“You know it. Should be fun.”

And it was.