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PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 1:39 pm 
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BULLDOZERS FIRE MANAGER GOODE!

By Roberta Umor

27 August 2029: Yuma, AZ — Rumors have been flying for months, but this morning the spokeswoman for the Yuma Bulldozers, Emma Span, confirmed that Manager David Goode, formerly the $12 Million Man, has been fired.

Goode had no comment for the press, but Span provided a handwritten note, which she claimed came from her phone conversation with the Dozers former manager, saying something to the effect that Goode was disappointed he hadn't brought a championship to the dusty desert whistle stop of Yuma. General Manager Bob Mayberry remained unavailable for comment. Mayberry is undergoing psychiatric treatment at the Camarillo State Mental Hospital.

Later in the day, Acting GM Pam Postema questioned Span's handwritten note from Goode, explaining that "no one in this organization has any delusions about a championship. We're in the midst of a five year build which we hope will make the club competitive. Talk of championships is irresponsible and delusional." Postema reported that she'd tried to contact GM Mayberry by phone to inform him of the decision, but the hospital was screening his calls. "I'll let him know next time I visit," she concluded.

Emma Span was boarding her private jet for New York City, where she resides, when reporters caught up with her and filled her in on Postema's comments. "I have nothing to add to what I said," Span said, "except to say ... Ms. Postema is a temporary hire and she should watch her P's and Q's if she wishes to remain a member of the Bulldozer team."

Sources close to the ball club expect Bench Coach Billy Hawk to take over as Interim Manager until a replacement for Goode can be found.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 1:55 pm 
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Cataclysmic!

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 1:57 pm 
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I never thought the day would come...

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 2:00 pm 
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Goode appears to have earned his reputation over the many years. One wonders if the 'easygoing' Hawk will fare much better. Something had to be done though, Yuman beings can only suffer so much.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 2:10 pm 
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Leones wrote:
Goode appears to have earned his reputation over the many years. One wonders if the 'easygoing' Hawk will fare much better. Something had to be done though, Yuman beings can only suffer so much.

Yuman beings will suffer from the revelations this dismissal is bound to lead to. Yuman beings are accustomed to losing--it causes no pain. What hurts is the lie that someday the Dozers will win. That's what causes the sudden jump in suicides in dusty Yuma every time the team starts winning!

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2019 9:40 pm 
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wow

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 12:00 am 
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DOZERS NAME BENCH COACH BILLY HAWK AS INTERIM MANAGER

By Roberta Umor

28 August 2029: Yuma, AZ — Billy Hawk, Bench Coach for the beleaguered Yuma Bulldozers, will serve as interim manager for the team, according to a press release from the Dozer front office early this morning. Acting GM Pam Postema was not available for comment, but the spokeswoman for the Yuma Consortium of Owners, Emma Span, answered questions by phone from her residence in Brooklyn, NY.

When asked why the team would hire a bench coach with no experience, except coaching high school years ago, to manage the most downtrodden, talent-deficient, luckless lot of losers ever to defile a baseball diamond, Span paused, smiled, and said, “Who better? He knows the layout of the locker room, so I won’t have to show him where the men’s toilet is … or the exit. He’s temporary, don’t forget.”

She refused to speculate who might eventually fill the position permanently, adding that the owners had yet to meet since Goode’s dismissal. When asked if his termination had been a group decision or hers alone, Span refused to comment.

With a little prompting, Span revealed that several other personnel positions in the Yuma organization are due for a change. When asked who the owners were considering to replace Hawk as Bench Coach, Span replied, “David Goode,” which elicited gasps and hoots from the audience of reporters. When the laughter subsided, Span said, “Why not? It used to be his job and, from what I have heard, he did a better job as Bench Coach than as Manager. Besides, he owes the organization.”

No matter how long David Goode continues in professional baseball, the Bulldozers will hold his 12 million dollar salary over his head. Goode was not available for comment. Rumor has it he left Yuma on the 3:10 train, but no one has confirmed that.

Meanwhile, the Dozer front office announced that Interim Manager Billy Hawk would give his first press conference tomorrow at noon in the Dozer dugout. The venue choice left the press corps puzzled, but chuckling to themselves.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:49 am 
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I love this little pot boiler you have going here, Bob.

Plus, I have a question regarding Goode's chosen method for leaving town: Glenn Ford and Van Heflin, or Russell Crowe and Christian Bale?

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 12:01 pm 
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Claymores wrote:
I love this little pot boiler you have going here, Bob.

Plus, I have a question regarding Goode's chosen method for leaving town: Glenn Ford and Van Heflin, or Russell Crowe and Christian Bale?

Definitely Glenn Ford. The more recent version pales by comparison. Not the acting, mind you, but the directorial vision. Mangard neglected the psychological tension of the original, substituting more action and much more violence. I hate action and violence, love subtle dialog and dramatic (unresolved) tensions.

But thanks for asking!

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 6:54 pm 
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INTERIM MANAGER HAWK GIVES FIRST PRESS CONFERENCE IN DUGOUT

By Roberta Umor

29 August 2029: Yuma, AZ — Billy Hawk, recently appointed Interim Manager of the Yuma Bulldozers, stood nervously before reporters crammed into the Dozer dugout. A few reporters had to stand outside the dugout and rely on their colleagues to keep them apprised of what Hawk was saying. No tv cameras were permitted inside the dugout, though several captured the news conference from their positions in center field. Everyone in the dugout held at least one, and sometimes two, microphones and/or tape recorders. One lone journalist with neither microphone nor recorder simply held an old fashioned notebook in one hand and a pencil—a pencil!—in the other. He looked to be older than baseball itself. His press pass read “Ventura County Star,” but no one recognized him or the name of his alleged newspaper.

Hawk seemed tongue-tied at first, and it fell to one of the front office staff, Roberta Tipitina, to get the event started. She apologized for the absence of GM Pam Postema, explaining that Postema was still trying to get in touch with GM Mayberry. But, Tipitina revealed, the Camarillo State Hospital staff have suspended Mayberry’s phone privileges. They would not say why or for how long. Postema is looking into it.

Then Tipitina introduced Billy Hawk, who all the press know well, since as Bench Coach for the past several years he has been responsible for arranging interviews with Manager Goode.

Hawk cleared his throat, twice, then whispered something that sounded like an apology for meeting in the dugout. “Louder!” the old reporter from Ventura shouted. Hawk studied his shoes, then spoke more clearly.

“I’m sorry we had to squeeze you all into the dugout for this press conference, but it was the only space available.”

“What’s wrong with the locker room?” the old reporter asked loudly.

“As you know,” Hawk replied, “we have a game tonight against Clear Lake and the locker rooms are being prepared for the players. Again, my apologies.”

“So why not the press room?” the crotchety old reporter interrupted.

“Because,” Hawk began, then seemed to lose his composure. He looked to Tipitina for help and she whispered something to him.

“Orders from the GM, apparently,” Hawk finally offered.

“Which GM?” the same old voice asked. “The real one … or that woman?”

“Acting GM Postema,” Tipitina said, adding, “and that will be all the questions about the venue. Interim Manager Hawk has an announcement.”

She turned to Billy who seemed startled that he was expected to make an announcement. She tapped her shoulder and he seemed to understand, nodded, and reached into his shirt pocket to pull out a lineup card. “Ruggles in center field,” he started, but Tipitina tapped his arm and when he looked up at her, she shook her head, gesturing for him to flip the lineup card over. He did.

“Oh,” he said, surprised, “right. I have a statement here to read. Uh …” He looked at Tipitina, pointed at his eyes, she nodded and pulled his glasses case from a small bag she had placed on the dugout floor after entering. She opened the case, handed Hawk his spectacles, closed the case and dropped it back into the bag.

Hawk fidgeted to get the glasses in position on his nose, then read the following:

Quote:
The Yuma Bulldozers Baseball Club and all its staff wish to express their appreciation to Manager Davey Goode for his leadership these past 4 years. He has many friends in the front office who wish him the best of luck in his next assignment. Goode leaves the organization in better condition than he found it, with talented young ball players in the pipeline and the money in the coffers to support them. We expect the Bulldozers to be more competitive in each of the coming years until once again the renowned city of Yuma, Arizona, is host to the PEBA playoffs.

When he’d finished, he looked up at the reporters as if expecting a response. They stared back at him, except for the elderly reporter with the notebook. He was scribbling furiously.

Tipitina interrupted the silence, asking, “Any questions?”

For a moment, there were none, then the old reporter stopped his scribbling and shouted out, “Who wrote that for you, Billy Boy?” Billy stared at the old reporter, his face seeming to crack with recognition. But before he could utter a sound, Roberta Tipitina came to his rescue, “That will be all, thank you!” She ushered Billy out of the dugout.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 9:41 pm 
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Mr. Hawk had those reporters so enthralled, they didn't even notice that he thought they were playing Clear Lake... This guy has a future!!

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 15, 2019 10:53 pm 
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:lol: "clear lake"

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 10:33 am 
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It's an honor to have such close readers. I wonder why none of the press corps noticed Hawk's slip?

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 7:39 pm 
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YUMA’S ACTING GM FIRED! WHO’S RUNNING THIS SHOW?

By Roberta Umor

31 August 2029: Yuma, AZ — Emma Span, spokeswoman for the Owners Consortium of the Yuma Bulldozer, announced today that the long-time Acting General Manager of the club, Pam Postema, has been released. “Disagreements with ownership” was cited as the rationale. Span, who made the announcement by conference call from her home in Brooklyn, refused to answer questions.

Reporters gathered in the press room at John Deer Stadium expecting to hear news of contract offers made by the Dozers to a future, permanent manager. Billy Hawk was promoted two days ago to Interim Manager, with the understanding that he would return to his position as Bench Coach as soon as the club could negotiate a permanent contract.

Billy Hawk was not in attendance at the conference call. Nor was Acting GM Pam Postema, whose dismissal came as quite a shock to the press corps. One veteran reporter who has followed the Bulldozers for more than a decade muttered aloud what many were thinking, “Who’s gonna run the club now?”

A young reporter, new to the Bulldozer corps, piped up, “Maybe that guy in the nut house!” A couple of other young reporters laughed aloud, but the older, wiser writers in the group just shook their heads.

“I wouldn’t put it past them,” one of them said quietly.

“This so-called ‘consortium’ of owners have their collective heads up their collective asses,” said another.

“And why the hell doesn’t Ms. Span get her butt out here to Yuma pronto?”

General consensus in the room led another young wit to say, “Who’s running this damn show anyway?”

No one had an answer to that.

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