Scottish Scoops: 29.006 "The $43 million mishap"
Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 8:15 pm
[Surreptitious iPhone camera video snippet, shot by Claymores office intern]
Asst. GM Harry Kevern (initiating Skype call with Claymores GM Vic Caleca, mutters to himself): This is so bad. How am I going to explain this to Caleca? I mean, who spends $10 million by accident? Crap …
Caleca’s face, bleary-eyed, comes on screen.
Caleca: Someone damn well better be dead for you to be calling me at 3 in the morning, Harry.
Kevern: Oh, well, sorry, Vic. No one is dead, but there’s something you really need to know …
Caleca: Something I need to know at 3 in the morning? Does it involve how I can kick you in the butt over a Wi-Fi feed?
Kevern: I wish it were that simple, Vic.
Caleca (sighs): OK, Harry. Spill.
Kevern: Well, you remember how you and I met with (team owner) Brad (Kern) and decided that Eric Jacobs was being kind of a dick and asking too much and how you wanted me to e-mail his agent and rescind the contract offer?
Caleca (warily): Yeeahhhh …
Kevern: Funny thing … and you are gonna laugh …
Caleca (warily): Yeeahhhh …
Kevern: Well, it appears I sent that email to my grandma instead. See, I had been thinking about emailing her about when she might be able to come over for a visit, because …
Caleca (interrupts, impatience in his voice): Is there a damn point in here somewhere, Harry?
Kevern: Yes. Of course. The point is … yes, well, the point is we appear to have signed Eric Jacobs to a four-year contract at $10 million per …
Caleca: We did what now?
Kevern: Apparently, overnight, they decided they liked our offer after all, and they tendered their acceptance and had a little press conference this morning …
Caleca: They did what now?
Kevern: Umm. Accepted our offer for $10 million.
Caleca: A year.
Kevern: Yes.
Caleca: For four years.
Kevern: Um. Yes.
Caleca: We signed Eric Jacobs …
Kevern (brightly): Yes!
Caleca: By accident.
Kevern (less brightly): Um. Yes.
Caleca: Actually, wait a minute. We offered $10 million the first two years, but then it went up, didn’t it?
Kevern: Well, yes.
Caleca: To $11 million in the third year and $12 million in the fourth.
Kevern (barely audible): Yes.
Caleca: So now, I have to call Brad and tell him that instead of saving him $43 million, we just spent it. By accident.
Kevern (in a near sob): Yes.
Caleca: Jesus Christ, Harry. How do these things happen?
Kevern: I really don’t know, Vic. I’m terribly sorry …
Caleca (sighs heavily): Well, hell. At least we didn’t sign your grandmother to anything …
Kevern (sheepishly): Yeah. Well, about that …
[Video Ends]
Asst. GM Harry Kevern (initiating Skype call with Claymores GM Vic Caleca, mutters to himself): This is so bad. How am I going to explain this to Caleca? I mean, who spends $10 million by accident? Crap …
Caleca’s face, bleary-eyed, comes on screen.
Caleca: Someone damn well better be dead for you to be calling me at 3 in the morning, Harry.
Kevern: Oh, well, sorry, Vic. No one is dead, but there’s something you really need to know …
Caleca: Something I need to know at 3 in the morning? Does it involve how I can kick you in the butt over a Wi-Fi feed?
Kevern: I wish it were that simple, Vic.
Caleca (sighs): OK, Harry. Spill.
Kevern: Well, you remember how you and I met with (team owner) Brad (Kern) and decided that Eric Jacobs was being kind of a dick and asking too much and how you wanted me to e-mail his agent and rescind the contract offer?
Caleca (warily): Yeeahhhh …
Kevern: Funny thing … and you are gonna laugh …
Caleca (warily): Yeeahhhh …
Kevern: Well, it appears I sent that email to my grandma instead. See, I had been thinking about emailing her about when she might be able to come over for a visit, because …
GM Vic Caleca
Caleca (interrupts, impatience in his voice): Is there a damn point in here somewhere, Harry?
Kevern: Yes. Of course. The point is … yes, well, the point is we appear to have signed Eric Jacobs to a four-year contract at $10 million per …
Caleca: We did what now?
Kevern: Apparently, overnight, they decided they liked our offer after all, and they tendered their acceptance and had a little press conference this morning …
Caleca: They did what now?
Kevern: Umm. Accepted our offer for $10 million.
Caleca: A year.
Kevern: Yes.
Caleca: For four years.
Kevern: Um. Yes.
Caleca: We signed Eric Jacobs …
Kevern (brightly): Yes!
Caleca: By accident.
Kevern (less brightly): Um. Yes.
Caleca: Actually, wait a minute. We offered $10 million the first two years, but then it went up, didn’t it?
Kevern: Well, yes.
Caleca: To $11 million in the third year and $12 million in the fourth.
Kevern (barely audible): Yes.
Caleca: So now, I have to call Brad and tell him that instead of saving him $43 million, we just spent it. By accident.
Harry Kevern
Kevern (in a near sob): Yes.
Caleca: Jesus Christ, Harry. How do these things happen?
Kevern: I really don’t know, Vic. I’m terribly sorry …
Caleca (sighs heavily): Well, hell. At least we didn’t sign your grandmother to anything …
Kevern (sheepishly): Yeah. Well, about that …
[Video Ends]
Very nice, haha.