Codgers Drop Pair in Crystal Lake, Face Elimination

[Denny]

By Granville Price, Palm Springs Semaphore

October 7, 2008

After losing the first two games of their first-round playoff series against Crystal Lake, the Palm Springs Codgers have their backs against the wall for tonight's Game 3--just as General Manager Denny Hills expected.

"I said before the series started that we'd get our heads beat in, and I stand by that statement," said the gloomy official, secreting a handful of pills from a vial in his coat pocket and popping them in his mouth. "I'm just surprised we haven't been shut out yet."

The Sandgnats, who tallied the best regular season record in the entire history of PEBA with 118 wins and just 44 losses, appeared to have little trouble with the Codgers in the opener, winning 7-4. Palm Springs starter Ron Goode was knocked out of the game in the fifth inning, having surrendered two home runs and trailing 5-1.

"I've been hot lately, but I just couldn't get it done today," said Goode. "My hat is off to them."

The team mounted the semblance of a comeback in the top of the sixth, scoring three runs to draw almost even, but Crystal Lake responded with two runs of their own in the bottom of the frame--one a solo homer by Shunso Kichida off reliever Terry Farmer--and the Codgers never mounted a serious threat again.

Game 2 began even less promisingly, with ace Felipe Lara giving up three straight singles to open the game, leading to two runs for Crystal Lake. He settled down thereafter, allowing just two hits over the next seven innings, but the damage had been done. Sandgnats' starter Norberto 'Pickles' Pacheco yielded one run in the second when Mushanokoji Furukawa scored on a Jason Lloyd triple, but otherwise held the Codgers scoreless over his seven innings of work. Hoyt Howard and Merlin Peters likewise were nearly flawless in relief, allowing no one past first base, as Crystal Lake held on for a 2-1 victory.

Pitcher Lara was visibly upset in the clubhouse after the game.

"I was great, like always," he said, "but it's like no one else showed up to do their job. Maybe I need to start batting too. Twenty millions is a lot to pay for one lousy hit in the playoffs. No wonder our GM is always crying."

Lara's "twenty millions" comment was an apparent reference to third baseman Ollie 'Phenom' Morris, the most highly paid player in PEBA with an annual salary exceeding twenty-two million dollars, who has gone just 1 for 7 in the postseason so far.

"That loudmouthed Chilean can stuff it," said Morris at his locker, as he changed into a double-breasted suit encrusted with diamonds. "There's a lot of big talk but somebody did just enough to lose."

Morris later backed away from his comments, claiming he was referring to a basketball mascot called the "Loudmouthed Chilean" who is known for his dunking, or "stuffing", prowess.

Morris is far from the only Codger batter to have turned in a subpar performance in the playoffs thus far, however. All-Star outfielder Michael Smith has yet to get a hit (though he does have a pair of walks), and shortstop Miguel Soto has gone 1 for 9 with three strikeouts, a performance which roused the particular ire of otherwise droopy general manager Hills.

"Just a total horse**** job," said Hills, who is discussing possible terms for a contract extension with Soto. "And he's asking for how much money?"
"If he's gonna play like that, he can (redacted) my (redacted)."

[Apollos]

We are hoping for a little pay back.
You do have a terrific team.