Calderonectomy! Duluth Amputates Malcontent 3B

[Bill]

Calderonectomy! Duluth Amputates Malcontent 3B
by Aaron Burr, staff writer

The joy of cutting loose Anastasio Calderon was tempered in the Duluth front office by the realization that this was a conundrum of their own creation. "It's very difficult to take credit for this trade," said GM Joel Dobney on the condition of anonymity, "seeing as I created the problem in the first place." Calderon (.effeminate/.worthless/.expendable) came to Duluth as a free agent over the winter, carrying with him a reputation as a talented underachiever who could, perhaps, benefit from a change of scenery. If that's the case, he should be a Hall of Fame candidate by the end of the year, as his scenery has changed again from the blustery winters of Duluth to the bluegrass of Kentucky.

From here the beleagured GM became somewhat disjointed in his thoughts towards Calderon. "I place blame for our position in the standings solely on that sack of monkey [excrement]. Pollution in Duluth is up 1,000,740% since his arrival, global warming and global cooling have both gotten worse, and I'm pretty sure he gave poor Pat cholera," he babbled, apparently confusing PEBA with his current campaign of Oregon Trail. Postulated ESPN analyst John Clayton, "I don't think they really cared so much about who they got back, just so long as they got rid of Calderon. What do I know though, I'm an NFL analyst."

With the playoffs seeming farther out of reach with every passing moment, it's doubtful that this move signals the beginning on a series of aggressive moves by the Warriors. Rather, it should be seen a Duluth's efforts to cut out a clubhouse cancer before he metastasizes to the young talent that seems to be heading to the Minnesota shores in the next year plus. Duluth got a guy for Calderon in the trade. I'm pretty sure it was a pitcher.

[Duane]

Please expand on this Oregon Trail campaign and local pollution ... maybe he shoulod join Emery as a backupp for Lopes on the Pooper-Scooper chores.

[John]

See the linked article on the homepage for more info on the "Oregon Trail" campaign.